I've come to the conclusion that I will hardly ever see Hanging Out Guy again. We've never agreed to be exclusive, and he is definitely seeing other people. They're not younger or sexier, but they entertain him for hours on end. He loves them unconditionally though they will never love him back. Hanging Out Guy is a Red Sox fan.
This is not a new concept. I myself am a sports fan (although I never watch due to lack of cable) and I've witnessed his love of the Celtics and Bruins as well. But the Red Sox are different. If you've never met a Sox fan, realize that this is something straight out of Fever Pitch. (Minus inheriting seats at Fenway and only half the bedroom paraphelnalia). We start seeing each other over the offseason, but on opening day, bam! He's a changed man. Suddenly he can't do anything if there's a game on (which there usually is).
I'm not giving up on him. I happen to enjoy baseball as well. He's invited me over to watch games and we've also played with the idea of spending a small fortune to catch a game at Fenway (though we're very careful when speaking of the future). Don't be surprised if I'm an absolute expert before the All star break, I live in Red Sox Nation afterall.
Violet and I have a theory that you can tell a lot about a man from his favorite baseball team. In honor of the new season, here is what a man's team says about him:
Atlanta Braves: His best years are probably behind him.
Baltimore Orioles: When he is at a stand still, and can’t quite get that promotion, he will simply blame it on the other people above him, instead of taking steps to improve himself. Then, when that young, upstart executive shoots past him to the top, he will be left looking like an idiot.
Boston Red Sox: Capable of having a passion (i.e. obsession) for something bigger than himself. You won’t see him from April- October, so good luck.
Chicago Cubs: He’s SUCH A LOSER, but for some reason you can’t quite put your finger on, you love him anyway and refuse to give up on him.
Chicago White Sox: Manages to accomplish a lot more than his colleagues with only a fraction of the attention or the credit.
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: Indecisive. Will probably try to change the names of your future children more than once.
Minnesota Twins: Hard-working, blue collar guy who lives life the right way. Good catch.
New York Mets: Won’t be able to close the deal, if you know what I mean.
New York Yankees: If Darth Vader, Lord Voldemort, or even Satan himself is your type, by all means.
Philadelphia Phillies: Just beware of flying objects (particularly batteries).
Tampa Bay Rays: Has only been a baseball fan since 2008, so he is as much of a fraud as you.
Toronto Blue Jays: See Baltimore Orioles.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
3 Guys, 24 Hours
I just finished up with my 3 dates in two days. Or more appropriately, my 3 "manditions." (Are we all in agreement on adding that word to our vernacular?) There were no total disasters, but I did make one hell of a shocking discovery by the end of it. Here's a rundown of all 3:
Date #1
The Man: The Cable Guy
The Date: Dessert and wine at a (candlelit) cafe
The Cable Guy was lucky enough to make it to round 2, and after our lunch manterview, I felt pretty confident that this mandition would go pretty smoothly. It did. We ordered wine. (I would have gone with the cheap house wine, but he ordered something nicer, while I thought in my head "I really hope you're planning on picking up the tab..." He did.) We were sure to order different desserts so we could try two different things. Conversation was good. He is still super cute. (Seriously.) Eventually, I couldn't wait any longer and had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom, only to find out the ladies' room was out of order. He paid the check, then walked me over to the Wendy's next door, and waited for me while I peed. (Awwww!) Unfortunately, my under-sized bladder signaled an earlier end to the date. It was unseasonably cold, so a walk downtown wouldn't have been much fun (not to mention my way-awesome but completely unwalkable spiked heels). We parted ways with him assuring me he would call. If this were a horse race, he'd have a clear lead.
Date #2
The Man: The Texter
The Date: Afternoon coffee
I can't say that I was too entirely keyed up over my date with The Texter. He seemed a bit on the dull side when I spoke to him on the phone, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. (Plus, I've known plenty of people who are complete shite on the phone, but great in real life.) Unfortunately, The Texter is not among them. He's perfectly nice and at times we had a pleasant enough conversation, but there were a few times I had to squirm. First of all, he kept asking me what I thought of the online dating experience and why I was there and what I was looking for. Do we really need to discuss it? You're there, I'm there, I think it's kind of obvious as to why. There were also times when I felt like I was sitting in on a marketing lecture, as he went on and on about ways he markets his business (which he had already told me over the phone.) *Yawn* By the end of the date, he put me on the spot and asked if he could take me out on an actual date, or if he just wasn't my type. I responded with a "we'll see" because I didn't know what else to say. If I have other options, I'm thinking I should probably get out of the second date (don't want to lead him on).
Date #3
The Man: John Boy
The Date: Burgers at dinner
From the outside looking in, this date went splendidly. We talked, we laughed, we had an overall good time. Only problem was, I wasn't the least bit attracted to him. Over burgers, we discussed many things, but we spent nearly half of the time talking baseball. We broke down the NL East, we went over all the reasons there are to hate the Yankees, we talked about how difficult it can be to have a good bullpen. It wasn't until I was on my way home when it hit me: I punish men for doing exactly what I fear they punish me for- talking sports. I have a lot of guy friends, and that's what we do, we talk sports. I have never, ever dated a guy who cared more about ESPN than I do or had a better arm than me. I've always known I had a thing for nerds, but I always thought it would be nice to have a man to discuss these things with. Only problem is, I don't want to debate the designated hitter with a boyfriend. I'd rather talk about other things that matter. I like someone on the in-between. Unfortunately, I think John Boy was really liking me. I think we could be really good friends. I'd like to hang out with him more often. But I don't really see it going any further than that.
Cable Guy? You're up...
Date #1
The Man: The Cable Guy
The Date: Dessert and wine at a (candlelit) cafe
The Cable Guy was lucky enough to make it to round 2, and after our lunch manterview, I felt pretty confident that this mandition would go pretty smoothly. It did. We ordered wine. (I would have gone with the cheap house wine, but he ordered something nicer, while I thought in my head "I really hope you're planning on picking up the tab..." He did.) We were sure to order different desserts so we could try two different things. Conversation was good. He is still super cute. (Seriously.) Eventually, I couldn't wait any longer and had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom, only to find out the ladies' room was out of order. He paid the check, then walked me over to the Wendy's next door, and waited for me while I peed. (Awwww!) Unfortunately, my under-sized bladder signaled an earlier end to the date. It was unseasonably cold, so a walk downtown wouldn't have been much fun (not to mention my way-awesome but completely unwalkable spiked heels). We parted ways with him assuring me he would call. If this were a horse race, he'd have a clear lead.
Date #2
The Man: The Texter
The Date: Afternoon coffee
I can't say that I was too entirely keyed up over my date with The Texter. He seemed a bit on the dull side when I spoke to him on the phone, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. (Plus, I've known plenty of people who are complete shite on the phone, but great in real life.) Unfortunately, The Texter is not among them. He's perfectly nice and at times we had a pleasant enough conversation, but there were a few times I had to squirm. First of all, he kept asking me what I thought of the online dating experience and why I was there and what I was looking for. Do we really need to discuss it? You're there, I'm there, I think it's kind of obvious as to why. There were also times when I felt like I was sitting in on a marketing lecture, as he went on and on about ways he markets his business (which he had already told me over the phone.) *Yawn* By the end of the date, he put me on the spot and asked if he could take me out on an actual date, or if he just wasn't my type. I responded with a "we'll see" because I didn't know what else to say. If I have other options, I'm thinking I should probably get out of the second date (don't want to lead him on).
Date #3
The Man: John Boy
The Date: Burgers at dinner
From the outside looking in, this date went splendidly. We talked, we laughed, we had an overall good time. Only problem was, I wasn't the least bit attracted to him. Over burgers, we discussed many things, but we spent nearly half of the time talking baseball. We broke down the NL East, we went over all the reasons there are to hate the Yankees, we talked about how difficult it can be to have a good bullpen. It wasn't until I was on my way home when it hit me: I punish men for doing exactly what I fear they punish me for- talking sports. I have a lot of guy friends, and that's what we do, we talk sports. I have never, ever dated a guy who cared more about ESPN than I do or had a better arm than me. I've always known I had a thing for nerds, but I always thought it would be nice to have a man to discuss these things with. Only problem is, I don't want to debate the designated hitter with a boyfriend. I'd rather talk about other things that matter. I like someone on the in-between. Unfortunately, I think John Boy was really liking me. I think we could be really good friends. I'd like to hang out with him more often. But I don't really see it going any further than that.
Cable Guy? You're up...
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Dating Blitzkrieg
At this rate, I may very well end up going on dates with 100 men in 6 months. I have three this week. That's right, three. And for someone who has been in a man slump like I have, this is a very odd feeling.
First up, The Cable Guy has advanced to round two, and we are going out for dessert at an awesome cafe tonight.
Tomorrow, I have an afternoon coffee date with The Texter (renamed after he texted me again on Saturday), then dinner with John Boy, a highly entertaining (at least over the phone) guy with a good ol' southern boy accent. Yup, two in one day. Does this mean my mojo is back?
I would like to propose, however, that we rename an initial meeting with an online suitor to "audition," because really, that's what it is. Or maybe manditions? Manterviews?
First up, The Cable Guy has advanced to round two, and we are going out for dessert at an awesome cafe tonight.
Tomorrow, I have an afternoon coffee date with The Texter (renamed after he texted me again on Saturday), then dinner with John Boy, a highly entertaining (at least over the phone) guy with a good ol' southern boy accent. Yup, two in one day. Does this mean my mojo is back?
I would like to propose, however, that we rename an initial meeting with an online suitor to "audition," because really, that's what it is. Or maybe manditions? Manterviews?
Monday, April 6, 2009
The default setting
I don't know what brought it up but while out this weekend, my friend Brad says to Hanging Out Guy and I, "You've heard of the missionary position, right?
"Uh, yeah. It's only the easiest, most trusted, go-to position known to man."
"Ok, because Clare (His girlfriend) didn't know what it was."
In unison, we look to Clare and say, "WHAT?" And oh, how we laughed.
Brad and Clare have been together for about 6 years, and have quickly become one of the best couples I've ever known. They amaze me on how incredibly cool, comfortable and fun they are with each other and with friends. (He told me his secret plan to take her into the city to a Chocolate Bar for her birthday, and they hung out with a bunch of us on SAD. Need I say more).
Apparently she didn't know missionary had a name. She just thought it was default.
"Uh, yeah. It's only the easiest, most trusted, go-to position known to man."
"Ok, because Clare (His girlfriend) didn't know what it was."
In unison, we look to Clare and say, "WHAT?" And oh, how we laughed.
Brad and Clare have been together for about 6 years, and have quickly become one of the best couples I've ever known. They amaze me on how incredibly cool, comfortable and fun they are with each other and with friends. (He told me his secret plan to take her into the city to a Chocolate Bar for her birthday, and they hung out with a bunch of us on SAD. Need I say more).
Apparently she didn't know missionary had a name. She just thought it was default.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
That elusive perfect date outfit
We've all been there. Standing in front of (or in) our closets, pulling clothes off their hangers, throwing them onto the bed, trying on outfit after outfit, modeling for your roommate, or even taking pictures and emailing them to a long-distance friend (i.e., Scarlet). It's a never-ending battle: Choosing the perfect date outfit.
What's so difficult about looking so fantastic? We do it all the time. But on a date, the goal is not just to look fantastic, but to look fantastic without looking like you tried very hard at all. And looking like you didn't try is very hard work indeed.
This is why the lunch date works so well. You're coming from work, so as long as you aren't a construction worker, you can dress very, very well, but have the excuse that you were dressing for work and not for him. I met The Cable Guy for lunch on Thursday, and this is exactly what I did. I was able to wear my hot ass pencil skirt, but I was clearly dressing professionally, and not for him. (I could actually wear jeans to work if I wanted to, but a.) he doesn't know that and b.) I never do anyway. I have a closet full of professional work clothes. I actually want to wear them.) I have had this particular pencil skirt since college (and yes, it still fits!) and it has never let me down. Only time will tell if it came through in the clutch yet again.
But what if you're not going out for lunch in the middle of a work day? Here's a few things to remember:
1. Always keep the venue in mind. A mini-skirt and heels might be appropriate for the club, but they are not appropriate for much else. Also reeks of desperation.
2. Don't be afraid to wear heels. (Unless, of course, the guy is a Liliputian.) Heels make everything look better. But again, if you're going with a shorter skirt, you may want to tone it down with flats.
3. Show some tasteful cleavage. Not too much, of course, you don't want to give away the farm. Just enough to let him know you have some. (And if you don't have any, you can always create the illusion.)
4. Have a stand-by outfit: Flattering jeans, heels, and said top with some cleavage.
5. Get a second opinion- from a guy. Women tend to dress for other women, but when you're on a date, you're not dressing for other women, you're dressing for your date. So the guy next door's opinion is a bit more valuable than your roommate's.
Anyone else have tried and true date outfit advice? I know we could all use some.
What's so difficult about looking so fantastic? We do it all the time. But on a date, the goal is not just to look fantastic, but to look fantastic without looking like you tried very hard at all. And looking like you didn't try is very hard work indeed.
This is why the lunch date works so well. You're coming from work, so as long as you aren't a construction worker, you can dress very, very well, but have the excuse that you were dressing for work and not for him. I met The Cable Guy for lunch on Thursday, and this is exactly what I did. I was able to wear my hot ass pencil skirt, but I was clearly dressing professionally, and not for him. (I could actually wear jeans to work if I wanted to, but a.) he doesn't know that and b.) I never do anyway. I have a closet full of professional work clothes. I actually want to wear them.) I have had this particular pencil skirt since college (and yes, it still fits!) and it has never let me down. Only time will tell if it came through in the clutch yet again.
But what if you're not going out for lunch in the middle of a work day? Here's a few things to remember:
1. Always keep the venue in mind. A mini-skirt and heels might be appropriate for the club, but they are not appropriate for much else. Also reeks of desperation.
2. Don't be afraid to wear heels. (Unless, of course, the guy is a Liliputian.) Heels make everything look better. But again, if you're going with a shorter skirt, you may want to tone it down with flats.
3. Show some tasteful cleavage. Not too much, of course, you don't want to give away the farm. Just enough to let him know you have some. (And if you don't have any, you can always create the illusion.)
4. Have a stand-by outfit: Flattering jeans, heels, and said top with some cleavage.
5. Get a second opinion- from a guy. Women tend to dress for other women, but when you're on a date, you're not dressing for other women, you're dressing for your date. So the guy next door's opinion is a bit more valuable than your roommate's.
Anyone else have tried and true date outfit advice? I know we could all use some.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Demetrius would have called
Is it just me? Am I too old-fashioned? Or is the following scenario perfectly acceptable?
I've been getting a lot of attention from a fellow named Lysander (so named because he claims to love Shakespeare, and ended his last email to me with the phrase "waiting with baited breath." I suggested Romeo, but Scarlet- rightfully- argued that Romeo was too tragic, so I went with the more comic Lysander.) who asked for my number. I figured why the hell not, so I gave it to him. Lo and behold, he used it a mere two hours later- to send me a text message.
I am an anti-texter. I know I should just get off my high horse and jump on the bandwagon, but I don't want to. I have oddly-shaped thumbs that make it awkward to push tiny buttons and it's just so impersonal. I gave you my number, use it properly. I'm not asking for a hand-written letter, for crying out loud.
Granted, he used it to ask me when was a good time to reach me, but what's wrong with just calling? If I don't answer, leave a message. So now I don't know what to do. I don't want to text him back, because that would a.) condone his actions and b.) set a bad precident which will send my cell phone bill through the roof, as I do not have texting in my current plan. I can't return his text with a call, that's just wrong. Do I email him? Ignore the text and wait for him to just call? I need some advice on this one, ladies...
I've been getting a lot of attention from a fellow named Lysander (so named because he claims to love Shakespeare, and ended his last email to me with the phrase "waiting with baited breath." I suggested Romeo, but Scarlet- rightfully- argued that Romeo was too tragic, so I went with the more comic Lysander.) who asked for my number. I figured why the hell not, so I gave it to him. Lo and behold, he used it a mere two hours later- to send me a text message.
I am an anti-texter. I know I should just get off my high horse and jump on the bandwagon, but I don't want to. I have oddly-shaped thumbs that make it awkward to push tiny buttons and it's just so impersonal. I gave you my number, use it properly. I'm not asking for a hand-written letter, for crying out loud.
Granted, he used it to ask me when was a good time to reach me, but what's wrong with just calling? If I don't answer, leave a message. So now I don't know what to do. I don't want to text him back, because that would a.) condone his actions and b.) set a bad precident which will send my cell phone bill through the roof, as I do not have texting in my current plan. I can't return his text with a call, that's just wrong. Do I email him? Ignore the text and wait for him to just call? I need some advice on this one, ladies...
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
We failed the Chemistry Test
I had my first OkCupid date yesterday afternoon. It was a simple afternoon coffee date, designed to be short and therefore less awkward. That way you don't have to worry if it's not going splendidly, in just a short time, someone has to get back to work.
This date was with The Shaman, a slightly elder (by 8 years) called The Shaman because of his desire to do some shaman work in South America. (Hence is interest in me, since I lived in his country of interest.) He also told me that he's just wrapping up a book on spiritual enlightenment, and while being a shaman (holistic healing using herbs and campfires or something or another) and writing books on spirituality aren't really my thing, I said yes because this is the Year of Yes, remember?
We agreed to meet at the park, and I didn't really see anyone matching his profile photo when I spotted a guy in all leather (in March! on a 70 degree day!) checking out his reflection in his car window, and slicking back the sides of his hair with a comb (a comb!) ala Danny Zuko. "Oh dear God," I thought to myself. "If Danny Zuko is The Shaman I am running away right now, and he'll never have to know I was here." Luckily, Danny Zuko walked away without pause, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. The The Shaman walked around the corner. First impressions: His profile picture is obviously a few years old. He has a lot more gray hair. And, he's short. Shorter than me.
OK, I know that this is the year of yes, and I am trying, really, really trying to be open-minded. But when I realize that a guy is shorter than me, it's a huge turnoff. And I was wearing flats. Just think if I had worn heels! And while we had a decent conversation and he did pass the pay for your date test (no, I'm not old-fashioned, but if a boy asks a girl out, he should pay for her. It works both ways. If a girl asks a boy out, she should pay for him.), there was zero romantic chemistry. I also found out that besides writing, he is also a life coach. And I think being a life coach is a sham of a profession, and I can't really get behind that.
Luckily, he emailed me later on and said that while it was nice meeting me, he realizes there wasn't any spark. Whew. Saves me the trouble. However, he then told me he was also thinking of writing a book on relationships, and would really like to get my opinion on him. Was there a certain moment when I knew there was no spark? What am I supposed to say? When I found out you were a Liliputian? I haven't answered him yet, and I'm pretty sure when I do that it won't be of much help to him. It just wasn't, you know, there.
So I'll turn my attention to my other suitors. There's Papa Smurf, whose random details were great (example: "I once threw a piece of gum into a trash can from like, 20 yards." This makes me laugh. Am I crazy?) and The Cable Guy, who shows the most promise (and who has my number, and he better use it, damnit!) and the Ham Sandwich Guy is still lurking, but we seem to be getting nowhere fast. But I'm just happy to get that first date out of the way.
This date was with The Shaman, a slightly elder (by 8 years) called The Shaman because of his desire to do some shaman work in South America. (Hence is interest in me, since I lived in his country of interest.) He also told me that he's just wrapping up a book on spiritual enlightenment, and while being a shaman (holistic healing using herbs and campfires or something or another) and writing books on spirituality aren't really my thing, I said yes because this is the Year of Yes, remember?
We agreed to meet at the park, and I didn't really see anyone matching his profile photo when I spotted a guy in all leather (in March! on a 70 degree day!) checking out his reflection in his car window, and slicking back the sides of his hair with a comb (a comb!) ala Danny Zuko. "Oh dear God," I thought to myself. "If Danny Zuko is The Shaman I am running away right now, and he'll never have to know I was here." Luckily, Danny Zuko walked away without pause, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. The The Shaman walked around the corner. First impressions: His profile picture is obviously a few years old. He has a lot more gray hair. And, he's short. Shorter than me.
OK, I know that this is the year of yes, and I am trying, really, really trying to be open-minded. But when I realize that a guy is shorter than me, it's a huge turnoff. And I was wearing flats. Just think if I had worn heels! And while we had a decent conversation and he did pass the pay for your date test (no, I'm not old-fashioned, but if a boy asks a girl out, he should pay for her. It works both ways. If a girl asks a boy out, she should pay for him.), there was zero romantic chemistry. I also found out that besides writing, he is also a life coach. And I think being a life coach is a sham of a profession, and I can't really get behind that.
Luckily, he emailed me later on and said that while it was nice meeting me, he realizes there wasn't any spark. Whew. Saves me the trouble. However, he then told me he was also thinking of writing a book on relationships, and would really like to get my opinion on him. Was there a certain moment when I knew there was no spark? What am I supposed to say? When I found out you were a Liliputian? I haven't answered him yet, and I'm pretty sure when I do that it won't be of much help to him. It just wasn't, you know, there.
So I'll turn my attention to my other suitors. There's Papa Smurf, whose random details were great (example: "I once threw a piece of gum into a trash can from like, 20 yards." This makes me laugh. Am I crazy?) and The Cable Guy, who shows the most promise (and who has my number, and he better use it, damnit!) and the Ham Sandwich Guy is still lurking, but we seem to be getting nowhere fast. But I'm just happy to get that first date out of the way.
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