Fever Pitch

Grayer and I are good Americans and don't really care about soccer. However, when it's World Cup time, I watch. Mostly because it's a major sporting event, and I like to be in the know. But I think we can all agree on one thing: Soccer players (or footballers if you're Fenella) are HOT. They are by far the hottest athletes on the planet. It is most definitely worth watching for the eye candy alone. And they take their shirts off at the end of the game. *pauses to wipe away the drool.* Here is just a sample of what you'll see if you tune in. And as Fen said, Forget the funny name, Bocanegra is fine. Just another reason to be chanting for USA! USA!

Cougar Town?

As we have all gotten a year older in the past few months, some of us (i.e. Violet) are really feeling the pressure. You know the pressure. The pressure to convert to a Smug Married. The pressure to dress your age, start a career, move out of your parents' basement. The pressure to pop out a couple of kids. The pressure to stay in a loveless marriage because you got married out of desperation and peer pressure, yada, yada, yada. To avoid these pressures myself, I'm keeping clear of age-appropriate-financially-stable-yuppies. No, sir. I'm sticking with the youngin's.

As I've mentioned before, Conrad IV is a few years younger than me. When we first started spending time together, he down played the age difference. "It's not even 3 years, it's actually 2 years and..10 months" he would say. Now that he's got me he will take any opportunity to point out how old I am. He even told me his mother was glad he was spending time with an "older and more mature woman." In three years, this will bother me, right now--not so much. So what if he's barely legal. So what if he's still in school and makes no money. So what if the slightest sign of commitment freaks him the hell out. Fine by me!

This, however, is not my first thing for a kid. Last summer, I totally had a thing for an 18-year-old intern. Then there's Emmett, who is still as fine piece of eye-candy as ever (and he's almost 21!). I'm not going to lie, sometimes I ask him to lift things for me or reach things off the upper shelves (and hell yes, I check out his ass). Obviously you can see a trend.

Ok, so maybe I'm a cougar in training, but I can see the appeal. They're hot, young and full of energy. And they don't want commitment. Perfect! Just wait. In three years, when I should be feeling the pressure to conform/move out of my parents basement, I'll be booking my annual cougar cruise.

As sexy as that sounds, maybe the pressure is getting to me. I recently had a dream that my mother kept nagging me to try on a wedding dress. After putting up quite a fight, she finally won and I tried it on. It looked stunning. As Violet and I believe that all dreams have meanings, she thought this meant I wanted to get married (Eeek!). When I asked Conrad what this dream could mean, he said, "You're old and you should seek older men." Thanks, kid. That's the spirit.

I'd take the brother

Yesterday, on a beautiful Friday afternoon I sat through a typical lab meeting.
Instead of my mind wandering to being outside, or of my evening plans with HOG, my attention was completely captivated by the fine specimen sitting at the head of the conference table. Talk about eye candy. Think Emmett Cullen, minus the curls, and this is exactly what you get, (and yes hotter than the one in the movie). Dark complexion, brown eyes, dimples, personality and don't forget the body. Yum.

As I was staring at him (and might I mention that he kept making eye contact with me and smiling) there were a couple of things I tried to keep in mind.

1. Emmett is an undergrad in my lab, my undergrad to be exact, and therefore I am his superior.
2. He looks extremely good in dress clothes
3. Not only is he a sophomore in college, but he's a sophomore frat boy, who's not yet 21.
4. I vividly remember seeing him without his shirt on when we played water polo. And it was good.
5. He usually smells like he needs to reapply some deodorant.
6. With body odor in mind, I think it would be perfectly acceptable to hire him over the summer to do yardwork, while I sat and watched from the safety of the deck.

Ok, so it would be somewhat inappropriate to have relations with this guy. And yes, when I was a senior in college, he was a senior in high school. And no he can't even buy me a drink.

Though in my defense, my ex-imaginary boyfriend was also my undergrad/frat boy and that wasn't inappropriate. And ok, he was my age and there was a lot of fuckwittage in the end, but when it was good, it was gooooood (and totally worth it).

So forgive me for wanting to have some fun while I'm young. A girl has needs. It really won't be too much longer before I'll just be a creepy cougar hiring 20-year-olds to do lawnwork.

So I'll just keep thinking about making out with him, and the very large hole I may need dug for no apparent reason in my backyard. I blame the heat. I makes me so....delirious..

(And yes, Hanging Out Guy is good, thanks for asking).