Online dating is the fast food of dating...

Both Violet and I have been feeling a little exasperated with online dating. It seems that there are so many more undesirables than suitable bachelors in my pool of geographically desirable men on match.com. While I am trying to put forth some effort and give all the respectable guys a chance, recently I find myself more drawn to some of the guys I’m meeting through friends or my meetup group. I contemplated why this might be and came to the realization that online dating is the fast food of dating.

Don’t get me wrong I still recommend it to anyone who is single and looking for a better way to meet someone than a loud bar but it does have its flaws. Online dating allows you to meet a lot of guys within a short period of time but like fast food it often leaves you feeling dissatisfied and guilty. Furthermore the prospective men are often not as appealing in person as they appear on their profile pictures. Yes you do correspond prior to meeting but often this is an exchange of history, goals, interests, etc. that give you a false impression that you actually know the person. It becomes kind of methodical and takes some of the romance out of the courtship process. You skip over the introductory stage where you feel giddy over little things that the guys says or does. True it probably isn’t that much of a loss that Violet and I are spared some of the “does he like me” conversations but isn’t that part of the fun? Sometimes I just want to enjoy the a three course meal complete with the anticipation!

So while my online dating inbox is flooded with winks from less than ideal suitors it is a relief to meet men in the real world on occasion that have potential. I have been crushing a bit on this guy that I met through some friends. He has definitely flirted with me and there is chemistry. Over dinner with friends he even reached across the table and patted my hand on one occassion. However, he isn't exactly pursuing me so if I was perfectly honest with myself I'd probably have to admit that he is just not that into me. Then there is my friend Meetup Matt. I met him awhile ago and then started dating The Engineer. I hung out with him and some of the other meetup people this past weekend there was some flirtation involved (perhaps aided by sexy panties, heels, and alcohol). I’m not sure if any of these flirtations will go anywhere but sometimes after a string of bad first dates a girl just needs a little harmless flirting to reassure herself that she's still got it!!

Getting back in the game...

I decided to be the bigger person and not email The Engineer. One of my friends said by not responding the ball stays in my court. I'm not really sure what I can do with this power at this point but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he hurt me.

Now that it is too late I kind of regret not emailing The Engineer back. I know that it wouldn’t have changed anything but it was all so sudden and I feel like his email robbed me of complete closure. This is going to sound somewhat pathetic but, despite The Engineer being a complete fuckwit at the end, I still kind of miss him. Even if I wasn’t that into him I still really liked him and I had fun with him.

So now that The Engineer is out of the picture I’m back on match in search of a guy I’m not only compatible with but who I’m also attracted to. (By the way, I hate that I’m now comparing other guys to The Engineer.) Within a day or two receiving the email from The Engineer, I updated my profile and contacted a handful of guys. Of course only a couple replied. Here is a roll call of those in the running at the moment:

• The Accidental Date Guy – The weekend after things ended with The Engineer I was trying to make plans for the evening. I was talking to one of my guy friends from meetup group thinking that we were going to invite other people. It wasn’t until the last minute that I realized that he might not have been thinking the same thing. I asked him if I should see if other people wanted to join and he said “no I think we can handle this ;-)”. Crap!! So I went on the “date” and it was fun. However, he was moving out of town in a couple of days and a couple months later he will be moving out of the country for several years. (Plus, I hadn’t thoroughly facebook stalked him and my friend informed me later than he has a toddler.) He did call and text me the day after the date though.
• The German – I have been talking to this guy on match who lives near where I work. He seemed really interesting at first but some of his emails recent emails have been a little boring and his comments make me think that we might not be compatible. As English is not his first language and he seems interested in me, I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt. I suggested meeting and he said he would like that and is free this week. He did lose points suggesting that we meet during the week so that I wouldn’t have to drive up on a weekend. (I commute to work.) Seriously? He could have at least pretended he was willing to meet me half way.
• The Country Boy – The guy contacted me on match. He fishes, hunts, watches Nascar, loves his pickup truck and makes his own furniture. He seems interesting and I’m not entirely opposed to the country boy type but Nascar and hunting definitely aren’t hot.

So here it goes again...dating is so exhausting...

Introducing the Men of Meetup

I’m probably overdue for an update on my meetup group. I’ve attended 4 meetups so far. The core group of people who have been around since the beginning of the meetup are all really cool. It is great to have something to do for once!

First an update on the two guys that emailed me after the first meetup. The first guy, lets call him McSlick, is part of the core group that started the meetup. McSlick is the fun cool guy…very friendly but I wonder if he might be a bit of a player. He emailed me within a couple of hours of the first meetup to say that he enjoyed meeting me and I should come again. A couple days later he emailed me again and asked if I wanted to go to a movie with some of the people I met. We didn’t end up going to the movie but I’ve seen him at a couple of events since then.

I’m pretty sure the other guy that emailed me after the first meetup was/is interested in me. He seemed really nice but a little boring. However, since then I discovered that he is 13 years older and has 2 kids. (I would have guessed he was only a little more than 5 years older than me.) I admit this makes me somewhat less interested but I haven’t ruled him out entirely. Hmm…I guess we’ll call him the “Old Man” for lack of a better name.

Last weekend we had an event and several new guys came. One of which looked kind of familiar but I couldn’t place him…lets call him the Jerk. He said the same thing to me earlier in the evening. However, as the evening went on, he and several of the other new guys got more and more drunk. At one point the Jerk told his friend I was in love with him and tried to get me to kiss his friend. Later the Jerk comes over to me and boldly declares that I have kissed him before. I of course told him that wasn’t possible. He said some crap like “I can’t believe you don’t remember!” and persisted until I gave up arguing with him and walked away. I know what you might be thinking but the list of guys I’ve kissed is embarrassingly short…I WOULD remember. If this wasn’t enough some of my friends told me that earlier in the evening the Jerk implied that he had slept with me. Complete Fuckwit!! Another one of the new guys hit on me but is was obvious he was just interested in sex.

Anyway, I’m feeling very optimistic about finding new friends but a little disappointed in men.

Introducing the meetup

I went to my first meetup group this week. The meetup group I joined is a social group for people in my local area in their mid 20s to late 30s. The group is relatively new and so far it seems that they have mostly just done dinner and drinks. I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect not knowing anyone but I’m happy to report that everyone was really open and welcoming. We went out to dinner and then later went out to a bar with pool and various other games. I’m sure Violet will be happy to hear that I found some fellow Twilight fans at the meetup. It was a good mix of singletons and couples but so far I have not identified any smug marrieds. Quite a few of the people in attendance were new to the group like my self.

As a followup to my Meeting Other Singletons post. Is this a legitimate way to meet other singletons of the opposite sex? Yes I think so. I went into this in the frame of mind that I just wanted to meet people and expand my group of friends in the area. However, to my surprise within less than 24 hours of the meetup I’d received emails from 2 out of the 3 single guys that I’d met at the event. (The 3rd guy wasn't my type anyway.) While that doesn’t necessarily mean they are interested, I didn’t receive any emails from the girls that I met. In summary if you are looking for single men, a social Meetup of this type may be your answer. Without even laying on the charm, it seemed to have more immediate results than online dating.

Now that I have scoped it out, I may recruit some of my friends in the area to join. I’ll keep you posted! Tonight I think I might take my own advice and mix wine and Christmas cards…you know really spread the Christmas spirit.

Meeting Other Singletons

Like Bridget, do you find yourself drunk and singing "All by myself" in your living room on a Friday night? If you have even considered this solo performance, then this post is dedicated to you!

Once we enter the “real world” (not a reference to the MTV show) there are fewer opportunities to meet other singletons. (This may be even more of an issue for those of us who are daring enough to move away from friends and family.) And no I’m not just referring to my inability to meet single, straight males of the non-fuckwit variety; now I often find myself with nothing to do on a Friday night. In college this was unheard of! I always had something to do whether it was hanging out with friends or conquering the massive amount of schoolwork that was ever-present. Unfortunately a majority of my friends are no longer in the area. While Violet and I talk several times a week, sadly I can count on my hands how many times I have actually seen her in the last three and a half years. (We jokingly refer to our lesbi-friendship as our most successful long-distance relationship ever.) I’m sure that I’m not the only loser that finds themselves alone on a Friday night, so I decided to prepare a list of some ways to meet other singletons. (Some are more reliable than others and unfortunately if you don’t live in a city your options may be limited.)

• Smile – I read somewhere that if you smile people will be more likely to approach you. This is kind of obvious but this applies to any of the options below.
• Class – Take a class at a college or technical school or at a gym. Choose something that you are interested in but it might be preferable to choose an interactive class, such as a cooking class. This does happen…my first class in grad school resulted in a date.
• Dog park – This is only an option if you like dogs. And please do not borrow a dog and pretend it is yours. In theory I think this could work. As an animal lover I know how obsessed people are about their pets.
• Grocery Store/Hardware store – From my experiences and discussion with other women, the guys that hit on women at grocery store are generally not high quality men. (I once had an old man (at least 20 years older) at the grocery store tell me I was cute and then follow it up by telling me that he worked at a prison and had a beach house. Only then did he ask me how old I was to make sure I was legal. I couldn’t walk away fast enough. Men, let this be a lesson to you!)
• Planes/Trains – Does this really ever happen? I have my doubts!
• Bars – This one is pretty self explanatory and very popular but not my style. (Bars are too loud and drunk people don’t always show their most attractive side.)
• Online dating – I have tried this with no long term results but it may be a good alternative to bars for someone such as myself.
• Speed Dating – This may only an option in cities but imagine the possibilities. How many bad dates can you fit in one night? It is a numbers game.
• House of worship – Some churches have groups for people in their 20s and 30s.
• Setups – Get friends or family members who know you well to set you up. Be careful who you ask though!
• Arranged marriage – Not an option for me but I thought I’d put it out there. (I have to say I’m glad my parents don’t have that kind of power.)
• Intramural or community club – I’m not athletically inclined so this option is out for me.
• Meetup group – I found one of these in my area for people in their 20s and 30s that I’m going to try. I’ll report back with my thoughts.