The Year of Yes

Someone was recently telling me about a memoir called The Year of Yes by Maria Dahvana Headley. I was reminded of this book by Violet's New Year's resolution to say yes to all date offers, no matter what her initial opinion of the offerer. (I'm assuming this includes locals in Violet's hometown?)

Like us the author of this book was frustrated with the dating scene and she decided to say yes to all date offers. I plan to read Headley's memoir and review it on this blog. Maybe it will motivate me to say "yes" with less pessimism.

Here is a brief summary of the book if you are interested:
"Why not go out on a date with everyone who asks you? Plenty of reasons. They might be crazy. They might be creepy. They might be something other than what you're looking for. But then again, how would you know? Isn't love supposed to be blind? Isn't it supposed to be about who the person really is, not about what they look like?" "The Year of Yes is an account of one woman's quest to find a man she can stand (for longer than a couple of hours). Frustrated by her own pitiful taste, writer Maria Headley decided to leave her love life up to fate, going out with everyone who asked her: homeless men, taxi drivers and yes, even a couple of women. Opening her heart and mind to the possibility that her perfect match might be the person she least expected, she spent twelve months dating most of New York City."--BOOK JACKET.

Question of the week: New Years Resolutions

What are your New Year's Resolutions? While you are brain storming on how to better yourself in the New Year, here are some of my favorite New Year's Resolutions from Bridget Jones's Diary:

I will not...

• Waste money on: pasta makers, ice-cream machines or other culinary devices which will never use; books by unreadable literary authors to put impressively on shelves; exotic underwear, since pointless as have no boyfriend.
• Behave sluttishly around the house, but instead imagine others are watching.
• Fall for any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomaniacs, chauvinists, emotional fuckwits or freeloaders, perverts.
• Get upset over men, but instead be poised and cool ice-queen.
• Have crushes on men, but instead form relationships based on mature assessment of character.
• Sulk about having no boyfriend, but develop inner poise and authority and sense of self as woman of substance, complete without boyfriend. as best way to obtain boyfriend.

I will...

• Drink no more than fourteen alcohol units a week.
• Reduce circumference of thighs by 3 inches (i.e. 1 1/2 inches each), using anticellulite diet.
• Give all clothes which have not worn for two years or more to homeless.
• Be more confident.
• Be more assertive.
• Not go out every night but stay in and read books and listen to classical music.
• Go to the gym three times a week not merely to buy a sandwich.
• Make compilation "mood" tapes so can have tapes ready with all favorite romantic/dancing/rousing/feminist etc. tracks assembled instead of turning into drink-sodden DJ-style person with tapes scattered all over floor.
• Form functional relationship with responsible adult.

OK so I like them all and found it difficult to narrow down my list of favorites.

What part of He's Just Not that Into You do you not understand?

Ladies, we are smart creatures. Some may argue the smartest. We are capable of running large corporations, giving birth, holding high political office, and even running for President. So why, when it comes to an attractive chap, do we forget about all these things that we're capable of and turn into insecure maniacs? This is why every girl needs a copy of He's Just Not That Into You (Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo) to keep handy every time you want to call up a girlfriend to dissect last night's date's body language. I don't believe in "self-help" books, or even dating books, since most of them are complete crap, (which is why we've included a list of the only books of that sort that are worth your time on our page) but this one is necessary.

Behrendt claims that "men are not that complicated, although they'd like you to think they are." Turns out, if they're into us, they'll let us know. What? No games? If our girl Bridget read this, it would BLOW HER MIND.

Apparently, it's all very simple. He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out, not calling you (DON'T call him), not dating you, not having sex with you, having sex with someone else, only wants to see you when he's drunk, he's disappeared on you, breaking up with you, doesn't want to marry you (so if you're still holding out for that ring after 8 years, it's best to call it a day), he's married, or if he's a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak.

Now, I've been disappeared on, but that didn't really have that much of an effect on me. (You remember The Heavy Breather, right?) But I am embarrassed to say that after my ex-imaginary boyfriend suggested that we go back to "just being friends," I didn't really believe him. Don't ask me why or how I was capable of this kind of stupidity, but sadly, it's true. I figured it was only a matter of time before he came to his senses and came crawling back. Then I read this book. When I read the words "100% of men polled said that when they broke up with someone, it always meant that they didn't want to go out with them anymore," I almost called up my alma mater and offered to give back my degree. It's so simple!

Yes, we all want to find someone to live out our old age with, but don't we all deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is seriously into us? I know that Greg has never met me, but when he says that I'm a foxy, smart, funny woman who deserves better, I believe him.

So dump the bum, get out there, and find the man who thinks you're a goddess!

Very few men fail to disappoint.

Legends say that Ernest Hemingway was once challenged to write a story in six words. His answer for this was "For Sale: baby shoes, never worn." In response to this fabled story, SMITH magazine in 2006 started a contest: Tell your story in six words. The outcome is a book of six-word memoirs: Not quite what I was planning. I just wanted to share some of my favorite short, short stories of love and war. So tell us, what's your story?

• I still make coffee for two.
• Love the men. Hate the commitment.
• Yes to every date, met mate.
• Anything's possible with an extension cord.
• Found true love, married someone else.
• What the hell, might as well
• It's not you. It's me. Honest.
• Batteries are cheap. Who needs men?
• Discovered moral code via Judy Blume.
• Smart, tall, independent woman. Men scarce.
• Too many lovers-too little time.
• Snuggling, setups. These are my specialties.
• Lucky in everything else but love.
• Alone at home, cat on lap.
• Just in: Boyfriend's gay. Merry Christmas.
• Revenge is living well, without you.
• She always wore socks to bed.
• More broken bones than broken hearts.
• I waste time looking for love.
• Saw clearly after blind date: Marriage!
• Secretly, I dream of my ex-boyfriend.
• Never a bridesmaid, always a bride.
• Sexy single, married not so much.
  

Question of the Week

What are your dealbreakers?

Mr. Almost Perfect

I admit, I have very high standards. My list of dealbreakers is very, very long. Too long. I'm working on being a bit more open-minded, which will have to wait until I move, because I never EVER date boys who are from my current location. Is my pickiness the reason I'm still single? I don't know, but it may be the reason why I haven't had a real, honest-to-goodness boyfriend in far too long. (Imaginary boyfriends don't count.)

A few months ago, I met Mr. Almost Perfect. He was cute. He was funny. No, HILARIOUS. He was sweet. He was a European Jim Halpert. And we were sitting on the world's most isolated inhabited island together. It seemed too good to be true, which, of course, it was. Mr. Almost Perfect was a smoker.

Now, I really don't think Mr. Almost Perfect and I ever could have lived happily ever after. First of all, we carry different passports, making it geographically impossible. But it had been awhile, so I thought maybe the Rapa Nui gods had reached down and given me a sack full of fresh guapo points and a weekend fling on the remotest of remote islands was exactly what I needed. Sadly, it was not to be.

I tried to tell myself that smoking is a silly dealbreaker when simply looking for a little weekend fun, but I wasn't very convincing. I mean, who wants to kiss an ashtray? Granted, he didn't exactly make the moves on me, but I also nagged him every time he lit up, so I can't imagine that was a very attractive quality. When he told me that he had only recently started the habit up again, I was tempted to reply, "Well then, why don't you go home, quit, then CALL ME."

When it was time to part ways, I wasn't all that upset about it. At least I know that the good guys are out there, somewhere. Jim Halpert does exist. You just may have to go to the ends of the earth to find him.

Introducing the meetup

I went to my first meetup group this week. The meetup group I joined is a social group for people in my local area in their mid 20s to late 30s. The group is relatively new and so far it seems that they have mostly just done dinner and drinks. I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect not knowing anyone but I’m happy to report that everyone was really open and welcoming. We went out to dinner and then later went out to a bar with pool and various other games. I’m sure Violet will be happy to hear that I found some fellow Twilight fans at the meetup. It was a good mix of singletons and couples but so far I have not identified any smug marrieds. Quite a few of the people in attendance were new to the group like my self.

As a followup to my Meeting Other Singletons post. Is this a legitimate way to meet other singletons of the opposite sex? Yes I think so. I went into this in the frame of mind that I just wanted to meet people and expand my group of friends in the area. However, to my surprise within less than 24 hours of the meetup I’d received emails from 2 out of the 3 single guys that I’d met at the event. (The 3rd guy wasn't my type anyway.) While that doesn’t necessarily mean they are interested, I didn’t receive any emails from the girls that I met. In summary if you are looking for single men, a social Meetup of this type may be your answer. Without even laying on the charm, it seemed to have more immediate results than online dating.

Now that I have scoped it out, I may recruit some of my friends in the area to join. I’ll keep you posted! Tonight I think I might take my own advice and mix wine and Christmas cards…you know really spread the Christmas spirit.