Put me in my place?

I am pissed off. Enraged. My blood is boiling. I need to vent. Why? Because of men and their stupid, stupid egos.

As I mentioned before, I've assumed responsibility for my rec-league softball team. As I've also mentioned before, my team has a few whining babies on it that question my authority and complain about where or if they're playing. In last night's game, we started a little short of players, so I made the very strategic decision to go without a second basemen, as there are few lefthanded batters, and even fewer people who can go the other way. It was generally thought to be a very savvy move.

Baldo showed up a little late, and still I stuck with my strategy, playing with 4 outfielders and no second baseman. Not only did we win, but we won with the mercy rule.

Later on in the evening, I was watching TV with the cute neighbor, when our friend and teammate, D.B. called. He told me he had just had the world's longest conversation with Baldo, and that his head hurt from it. (D.B., like me and the cute neighbor, finds Baldo annoying, but takes particular offense at how much he talks.) Apparently, the entire conversation was about me, and how much I had pissed him off. It took us quite awhile to pinpoint just when I had managed to piss him off, as I hadn't really said much to him the whole game. Then I remembered. The one play Baldo made the entire game. He caught a fly ball. Then he proceeded to hold on to the ball for far too long, in the hope that someone would wander off a base, and he could throw them out. However, Baldo could not hit the broad side of a barn, as his throwing arm is terribly wild, and everyone knows it. Therefore, I called to him to get the ball in. He finally did, but then turned to me and said, "I've had about enough of you, woman." This was made to sound like a joke, but apparently it wasn't.

After the game, he railed to D.B. about me, saying that he knows how to play the game of softball (debatable, but apparently wearing not one, but TWO batting gloves, means that he can play. Who needs two batting gloves in slow-pitch?!), and he doesn't need to hear it from me. Then he said, he needed to "put me in my place."

Wait, what? I'm sorry, is this 1954? When women need to be put in their place for telling men what to do? Not only is this ridiculous, but it's offensive. Because I gave a simple instruction to get the ball back to the pitcher, I need to be put in my place? He never, EVER would have said this if anyone else on the team with a penis had given him the same instruction. EVER. Nor would he have ever said "I've had about enough of you, man" had the pitcher said it. There is a good chance I will be taking over the team in the spring, and I can tell you who will NOT be getting invitations to play with us. I don't have room for these guys AND their egos.

Grayer suggested I "accidentally" hit Baldo on the side of the head. Then blame it on my boobs. I think Grayer is onto something.

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match!

No, I have not abandoned WWBD? for my PAB (Potential Actual Boyfriend), but instead have been having extreme internet difficulties. I can't very well blog at the cute neighbor's house, now can I? But just to prove how dedicated I am, I blog to you now from work. Now. What to write?

Ah, yes. My sudden need to set everyone up with someone else. It all started with Fenella and McNerdy. I sensed a mutual attraction, then merely planted the seed (by individually giving them my permission to make out) and voila! Worked like a charm. Now I want to set up everybody else I know.

The problem is, that perhaps for the first time in the history of the world, I have two single (straight) men ready and willing to be set up, and no takers. How can this be?

Case #1: D.B.
D.B. is a softball teammate of mine. He's cute, he's nice, and he's extremely funny. I had him in mind for my roommate before the two even met, and sure enough, when they (very briefly) met at our now infamous party with the make-out corner used by both me and Fen (first together- strictly conversation-, then separately with other people) D.B. said to me on his way out the door, "Thanks for inviting me, your roommate's really hot." Yesssss! I thought. I knew it! AND D.B. is totally my roommate's type. But when I suggested him to her, she was very resistant to it. She's recently told me that she's in need of a man, and here I am, ready to help.

To make matters worse, she told me the other night that she had a pseudo date with a guy, but probably won't go out with him again because he's "too nice."

Ladies. Seriously. Can we stop dumping guys for being "too nice?" All we ever do is complain about the lack of good men out there, and when we get one that is good, we don't what that either. After pointing this out to her, I reminded her about D.B., who is nice, but I don't think "too nice" and I think I may have put a crack in her resolve. It may be just a sliver, but if anyone has the stubbornness to turn that sliver into a date, it's me.

Case #2: The Umpire
Oh, The Umpire. What can I say? It was a few months ago that The Umpire could not stop singing the praises of his current lady love after maybe about 2 weeks or so. She dumped him. He went into a deep funk. Then he came to our party and laid eyes on my downstairs neighbor. Apparently, once he spotted her, everything around him stopped, the skies opened up, and he heard music. Seriously. That's what he told me. He chatted her up, got her number, and actually called the next day (then called me to tell me about the message he left). He had their first date all planned out before he left the party.

First, she told him she needed to take an "extended raincheck" as she was very busy. (File that one away, it could come in handy.) Then today he forwarded me a text she sent him that was a very polite rejection text, explaining that she just didn't have the time right now. I told him to move on and that I would think of anyone I might know. I texted the cute neighbor to ask if he thought our other neighbor and mutual good friend would go out with him. He said no way. Now I'm racking my brain to think of anyone else who might be able to handle The Umpire. But before I do, I need to have a little conversation with him about coming on too strong. I'm sure that's what happened with the last girl, and probably my neighbor as well. He just gets sooo excited about them, and I have to say, that would be a bit disconcerting.

So. Any takers?