Mars and Venus and Serendipity

I'm fine. Really. While I appreciate the concern, I'm not tempted to jump off a bridge or even lock myself up in my room. I haven't even lost my appetite.

That doesn't mean that I didn't lay in bed this morning entertaining fantasies of the Dark Horse telling me how much he misses me, and me telling him that he had his chance, now get lost. That doesn't mean that I didn't spent my afternoon in comfy pants, a fuzzy alpeca sweater with fringe (not only does Fenella know what I'm talking about, she owns one too!), glasses on, eating nutella with a spoon while watching Love Actually. (Because, Colin Firth, all I want for Christmas is YOU!) That doesn't mean that I wasn't so distracted that I went for a run, not realizing until after I started running that I had forgotten to put a sports bra on. It turned into a walk. And the shower I took after that walk, was the first I had taken since before Friday night's Christmas party. But remember, I'm feeling sorry for myself this weekend. Tomorrow I'm scheduled to get over it.

I have thought about what the Dark Horse said, though. That part where he went on and on about how amazing and wonderful I am, but how that's not quite enough, and the bad-timing bullshit. And I've realized something. For men and women, the search for The One is a completely different process. For women, it's all about the person. You may not even be looking for someone, but when you find that someone, you change your plans. It's not every day someone so right walks into your life, so when it happens, you have to go with it.

Men are completely different. With men, it doesn't matter how awesome or wonderful or beautiful or funny you are. With men, it's all about the timing. When men decide It's Time and that they are ready for a serious relationship, they have one practically immediately. But if they're not looking, don't even bother. Because no degree of awesomeness will persuade them to change their mind.

This is something that I can't quite grasp. I don't want to live my life with Regret. I don't want to turn someone down over timing, then think to myself months later, "Damn, he was perfect. I really fucked that up." I mean, is there ever a good time to turn your life upside down? Screw timing.

This makes me think two things:
1. "Bad timing" is polite-talk for "I'm just not that into you."
2. Men are stupid.
3. All of the above.

It also makes me wonder how people ever find anyone. To find that someone at just the right time is pure serendipity. I thought that my meeting the Dark Horse at random times in random places was itself serendipitous. And even though it won't work out, it still was a bit of serendipity. Because I don't have any regrets. I'm glad he happened. We never had anything but fun. (Except for those two times he delivered crushing disapointment. Both while I wasn't wearing pants. This is a pattern I really need to break.) Hey, if I'm going to be a singleton, I may as well have some fun while I'm at it.