Abstinence Works! (But who cares?)

Last week, I got an absolutely fabulous gift in the mail from Fenella: an album of our fabulous 10 days together. The album included both pictures (like the one above, seen on our roadtrip) as well as quotes. We thought we would share some of these quotes with you, completely out of context, for your enjoyment. We enjoyed making them.

"I'll make you a meal that will make you wet." -The Cute Neighbor

"I'll get all gooey and want to reproduce." -Violet

"Don't you know how to spread your legs?" -Fenella

"Aching uterus... ah!" -Vi again, can't shake the baby ache!

"Seven years of bad sex? I'm heading towards seven years of no sex..." -Fen, taking the billboard to heart ;)

"Pulsating vibrator" -generated by Mad Libs

"This is random, but... you totally have my permission to make out with McNerdy." -Vi

"Who needs a boyfriend when I have you?" I think Vi to Fen, but it could have been the other way around. There were lots of margaritas involved.

"I really hope he doesn't do something weird, like howl like a werewolf when he comes."

Sing me a song, Karaoke man

If there are any boys out there reading this (hey, it could happen), please make note, I am about to offer you the simplest advice on how to get girls to sleep with you:

Learn to play the guitar.

It is so hot. At least that's what I was thinking while sitting in the living room of the Karaoke kid while he and his roommate jammed out on Friday and Saturday night. As I fumbled along on the tambourine (which somehow I don't think has the same sex appeal), I couldn't help but think "Damnit, if it wasn't that time of the month he would so be getting lucky tonight." Actually the guitar playing was so hot I'd probably hook up with either of them. That's right, either of them.

So he rocks at Karaoke, plays and sings incredibly well on the guitar (apparently he frequents open mic nights), surely he has to be good at other things as well? Unfortunately I have yet to find out. After an innocent sleepover, KK and I walked to breakfast in the morning and back to my place. It was a gorgeous day on Saturday so we spent the rest of the morning sitting on my front porch with my roommates, watching the traffic and pedestrians, all the while he strummed my mom's old beat up guitar (and I thought it was unplayable...) making up songs that usually had something to do with sitting on a porch. He's good, and man do I love sitting around listening to someone play the guitar. Especially on a sunny porch. I think I may need to keep him around this summer. My roommate had the same not-so-subtle thought. "I like having you around, will you be G's summer fling?"

I believe his answer was a yes.

Nuns: A new breed of smug marrieds

I know I haven't posted in a while, but I had to share this with you guys...

Most of the time I'm fine with being a singleton. I have a lot of friends and stay really busy. Yes, I date, but I haven't found that special person who is worth giving up my freedom. Honestly, I'd pick an evening with friends over any of the guys I've been out with since January. So does this mean that it is my choice to be single? Sure, I would choose being single over dating a guy I'm not into. Isn't that how it should be? Why don't smug marrieds get that? Why do they have to imply that there is something wrong with me? My parents had friends visiting this weekend and I had to sit silently while they discussed how their daughters couldn't get guys and only have guy friends. They were implying that there must be something wrong with us. Why else would we not be able to snag one of these male friends? I wanted to cut in and say "I suppose it doesn't help that underneath our clothes our entire bodies are covered in scales."

Later in the weekend I was hanging out with a friend who recently got married. We ran into a nun from her church. I had met this nun before and she asked me if I was also married. I'm getting more used to this question; however, I was totally unprepared for her response. The nun told me that she would pray for me. So, yes, even nuns are smug marrieds now and singletons require prayer! What is this world coming to? I was nice and didn't point out the cons of being married to God to the smug married nun.

Pistachio Ice Cream: The Original

Completley forgot to upload this photo from my visit to Atlanta. Yes, Vi and I indulged in some pistachio ice cream. And it was delicious!

The Green Eyed Monster

I'm sick. Again. I totally blame Fergus for this. He was the one who suggested we go to India last summer. After getting sick over there I really don't think my immune system has ever fully recovered. Still, being off work means that I can concentrate on more important things, like trashy magazines and thinking about my next blog entry.

As well as some weird stomach virus I am also suffering from that old friend, the green eyed monster. It's been almost a week since my interesting evening with Posh Work Guy. Thankfully Monday morning in the office wasn't awkward at all. The emails at work have continued. He was also very nice to me Tuesday evening when I left work in tears (stupid work issue, not worth elaborating on). He took me for drinks, made me laugh and generally cheered me up. Don't worry ladies, I went home by myself.

So really, all should be well. I had some fun on Friday, nothing has changed between us and no one at work suspects anything. Dear God I hope no one suspects anything! Plus, I don't like him in that way. Would I perhaps like a repeat of Friday night at some point? Why yes please. But I am only female. And his apartment is amazing.

However, there is one small problem, Emily. The girl at work who he used to have a bit of a thing for. The girl that every guy loves. The girl that whenever I see her and PWG talking I get a little twinge of jealously. The girl that doesn't know about me and PWG so informed me that he asked her to some polo thingy. (Clearly, he wouldn't ask me, I know diddly-squat about polo. And I have a life).

My problem is, just because I don't like him doesn't mean I want him to like her. Or her to possibly like him (you never know, she might). I'm quite happy being the only one in the office he's hooked up with. So until I get over this, the green eyed monster and I are firm friends. Seriously, I. Need. A. Monica.

Vote for us!

One of our truly awesome readers (as all our readers are) nominated us for Blog Interview, a website dedicated to great blogging. There are fantastic prizes to be won (although my inability to tell y'all to vote will make it hard to win this month, but maybe next!) so get out there and tell everyone else how awesome we are. It's about time other people knew about us!

And of course, thanks so much to our nominator!

The First Milestone

I'm not ready to jump on the cute neighbor is an ACTUAL BOYFRIEND bandwagon just yet, but he's clearly getting awfully close.

Last night after dinner, he looked at me and said, "Violet, I think we've reached the stage in our relationship where I'm going to start farting in front of you."

When I pointed out that he already has (certainly more than once), he said, "No, I mean, REALLY farting in front of you."

*Swoon*

Is this a relationship stage? And if so, where does it fall?