The wedding date

Do you ever have one of those days when you have a day off so you get your haircut and the blow out that follows gives you shiny bouncy hair that is only seen on tv?  Then you practice makeup for your upcoming wedding that gives you the overall "I never look this good!/why don't I always wear makeup and hair product?" feeling so you therefore have to leave the house to be seen?  Yeah, me too.  That's why I'm at Starbucks.  I'm glad I have an iced drink and a Macbook to fit it.  People are probably being distracted by my shiny bouncy hair.  I should stop tossing it around as if I'm in a hair color commercial/having an aneurysm.

To answer your question, yes I do have an actual reason for posting today.  And to answer your other question, yes I have considered taking a picture of myself for my next online dating profile.

Tomorrow is the big day, 8 year Lisa is gettin' hitched!  It seems like it was only 10 years ago when those two lovebirds met.  Some kids really do move fast.  It was only 8 months ago when they got engaged with the most unromantic non-proposal I've ever heard. I'm a bridesmaid tomorrow, but more importantly, I am the makeup artist (which is why I need to practice).  Yeah, I'm kind of a big deal.  Such a big deal that I should be there now, doing bridesmaid duties and picking which of his brothers I want to walk me back up the aisle (the cute one, obvi).  But I'm not.  Mostly because of the drama that is my wedding date.  No, I take that back, mostly due to the Crazy that is her entire family.

My wedding date is one of the coolest kids I know.  He's a former student/undergraduate from my grad school days.  The kid looks up to me (figuratively).  I haven't seen him in a year but when he happened to call me as Lisa and I discussed my date options, he seemed like the obvious choice (Especially since Lisa knows and loves him as well).  His exact response was "I do make a fabulous plus one.  What are you wearing? I'll go to Kohl's."  See? Don't you love this guy already?!  Like many, I don't think the kid is straight.  He claims this is because he wears sweaters and has skinny arms.  That may be true.  I'd also add the whole only-friends-with-so-many-girls thing, not to mention the constantly-singing-show-tunes thing.  (He always used to sing "Oh my God, oh my God, you guys" which I much later learned was a verse from Legally Blonde: the Musical...What straight man would sing that?).   I don't care about his sexual preference, all I know is he is my date of choice and definitely not because I'm going to get lucky, he's like a little brother! (Last year he did stay at my place.  As we got into bed he told me he was strictly a little spoon.  He then preceded to ask me my thoughts on Justin Bieber as we drifted off to sleep.  When I didn't have thoughts on the Biebs, he told me I sucked at pillow talk.  We haven't slept together since. And by slept, I do mean sleep).

Let me say, as a bridesmaid, I believe I deserve a date.  Just because I don't have a boyfriend doesn't mean I don't need someone to dance with, or more importantly, someone to hold my clutch while I pee.  Lisa seemed to think this too, until she got around to the guest list, then she just got weird.  I thought it odd when the invitation arrived with both of our names on it.  Seemed a bit much for just a friend.  I thought it really odd when on the inside information sheet it said "We can only accomodate the guest addressed on your invitation."  What they were saying was, you can take this dude but you can't take anyone else.  Umm...what the fuck?  It's one thing if he were my boyfriend and they don't want me bring a random friend instead.  It's another thing when he's a random friend and I can't take anyone else.  What if he bails?  Who will hold my clutch while I pee?  Alright weirdos, I'll let this one go but I think you are all crazies.

This wedding is on Lisa's grandparents farm in the middle of nowhere. So in the middle of nowhere that there's only little Bed & Breakfasts within an hour.  Being a bridesmaid and therefore a big deal, Lisa invited me to stay at "camp" with her the night before.  Awesome, can my date stay there (I have to ask these things because she seems hell-bent on ignoring his existence)?  No, her mother would be uncomfortable with that.  Even with him setting up a tent out in the yard and sleeping alone.  Uncomfortable, she says.  Ummm...what the fuck?  Ok, crazies.

Months ago, Lisa promised her friends they can camp the night of the wedding in the field at her grandparents farm.  It'd be a fun after party and no one will have to worry about driving anywhere.  Since this was an option for Saturday night, and my date was not permitted to be near the family, I asked if my date and I could just camp out in the field the night before.  No, her dad doesn't want anyone in the field.  At all.  Two days before the wedding, her dad (who doesn't even own the farm) decides that no one can stay in the field at all.  What does he think we're going to do out there?  Have a giant orgy?! Does he think it will be the site of the next Woodstock?! You need more than two people for that, weirdo.

The Lisa family, if admitting his existence, appears to be putting a restraining order on my date.  Don't they know that not only do I rely on him for a good time, but I also need him to keep me away from Lisa's older brother (who I may have accidentally made out with once while he was dating his ex-girlfriend)?  No, I suppose they wouldn't know that.  Her family was effective in one thing, and that's keeping me from the wedding activities.  I am now missing the making of the bouquets as well as the rehearsal.  I feel terrible about this but Lisa assures me she doesn't mind and they'll fill me in in the morning.  Let's hope she actually doesn't mind, and won't just be mad about it later.  Don't blame me, blame your wacko parents.

Bride Wars

My posts do seem to be taking on a wedding theme recently. Sorry about that but it continues..

Firstly, I have some historical news. Last night I was round the White Horse's and...I was allowed to watch a chick-flick. I know. Stop the press. I do realise that of all the chick flicks I could have chosen, Bride Wars isn't the greatest but I was going to take what I could get. It happened to be on. The White Horse and his roommate weren't in the room so I decided to take a risk and not change the channel. It worked. It was amazing.

Of course the subject matter is all about brides and weddings which leads me nicely on to my topic du jour: weddings.

I'm sure you're all wondering how things are between me and Elsa after the Hen Weekend from Hell. They're OK. I was still pretty pissed on the Monday. Matters weren't helped by the fact that Rae was texting me adding fuel to the fire. I was angry. All of a sudden my phone rings (I'm at work) from a flower delivery company asking why I wasn't at home to collect my flowers. Well I'm sorry, I wasn't aware I was getting any flowers delivered. I was excited. Immediately I emailed TWH. They weren't from him. Oops. I jokingly text Rae to find out if she thought Elsa may have sent them. She replied basically asking if hell had frozen over. Huh. I arranged to have the flowers re-delivered on Tuesday morning and pondered over who had sent them to me.

That night I get a text from Elsa. She apologised somewhat for her behaviour over the weekend and thanked me for making the weekend fun for her friends. That was nice. But I would've preferred her to pick up the phone or come round to see me, but beggers can't be chosers. I replied asking if she was the one that sent me the flowers. She was. Sweet. But here's the thing, she didn't send Rae any flowers. I got them as did the other two bridesmaids but according to Elsa, Rae didn't deserve any flowers. Huh. This put me in an awkward situation. Rae knew that I had been sent flowers. I said that TWH hadn't sent them. Rae wasn't going to get any flowers. The drama. I told Elsa that if Rae asked I was going to say that TWH sent them but wanted it to be a surprise (he loved how he got credit for doing nothing!) She wasn't happy about that but by then I was past caring. I'm done with the drama.

Moving on, Elsa and I are OK. We went out on Friday with our respective guys and we had fun. The hen weekend wasn't mentioned. My next dilemma is an email that Elsa sent all the bridesmaids today. No one has replied. I think they're all still pissed at her. Do I reply first thus not showing my allegiance to the other bridesmaids? I decided to text Elsa to say I got the email. I feel less pressure now. Whew.

But oh no ladies, the wedding talk isn't done yet! The Monday after the hen weekend my friend from work who has recently got engaged asked to speak to me. I figured it was to ask me ever so nicely to shut up about talking about the horrible hen weekend as I was probably giving her nightmares about hers. But oh no, I have been asked to be an 'honorary bridesmaid'.

What is an honorary bridesmaid I hear you ask? Basically, my friend needs to have her female family members as bridesmaids (it's a family thing). She's not too happy about that but she realises that it's not worth the fight with her parents. However, she wanted her friends to be her bridesmaids. So she's decided to have four of her friends (yours truly included) as honorary bridesmaids where we get to do all the fun bridesmaids stuff but just not stand at the front during the ceremony. I can deal with that. And with her I am confident that there will be no bridezilla antics.

I just can't understand why the producers of Bridesmaids didn't give me a call.