Operation Papa Smurf

Back in the days before Vi has her Potential Actual Boyfriend / Actual Boyfriend / whatever his title is right now, she was on the lookout for a new booty call. As I was visiting her in the near future I decided, being the amazing friend that I am, that I would help her out with finding a new man to satisfy all her needs and desires. We named it Operation Papa Smurf. Why Operation Papa Smurf? Why not!

However, now that Vi has her Potential Actual Boyfriend / Actual Boyfriend / whatever his title is right now, Operation Papa Smurf has been put on the shelf to gather dust. This has to change, a plan with such a great name has to be put to good use. Enter Fen.

Ever since that random evening with Posh Work Guy he's been on my mind. A lot. Reassuringly, for my sanity, I haven't been thinking about him because I like him but because it's been awhile since I've had any action. And before anyone starts mentioning my sleepovers with McNerdy and indeed PWG a few weeks ago allow me to clarify: there's action and then there's action. Normally, going long periods of time without action doesn't bother me. Except something has snapped and I have now decided that I need action. Enter Posh Work Guy.

My problem is deciphering whether PWG is willing to be my booty call. I have to tread carefully here because I work with him and thus see him everyday. So embarrassing myself would be extra embarrassing. This means drunk texts are a no go area. And while having a similar "I shaved my legs for this" incident like Vi did would get the point across, if it went wrong I'd have to see him the next day. Tricky. I did take control of the situation by inviting him out for drinks on Friday which he had to decline but had a genuine reason and said that we should definitely reschedule, this seems like a good sign. My next plan is to see what happens next week, we have someone's leaving drinks after work. A little bit of alcohol always helps right?

Let Operation Papa Smurf commence!

Random Thoughts on Nothingness

We've been pretty quiet this month. I can't speak for all of us (although I probably can, I'm the only one who actually knows everyone), but I've got absolutely nothing going on. Grayer is in the process of moving to a new city, Fenella just started online dating, and I don't even have a reliable booty call, seeing as he's never available. In fact, when Fenella comes to visit me in 3 weeks (eeek! Just 3 weeks!) she is going to help me find a new booty call. It is henceforth being called Operation: Papa Smurf. (Don't ask us why. We don't really know.) Although a few weeks ago, a couple of guys taught me how to play backgammon at a bar (no idea how that happened either), but that never amounted to anything. I mean, assuming they were both single (which I don't actually know), there were two of them and one of me. Apparently they didn't rock-paper-scissors for me while I was in the ladies'. So yeah. Nothing.

Yes, I know the Italian Dreamboat handed me his number, but I dealt with that the same way I deal with all awkward situations: I avoided it. I didn't call him, and I never gave him any explanation. Do I really need to? I never asked for his number. He can't understand anything I say anyway.

And speaking of reasons why I'm still single, the cute neighbor gave me something to think about last week. Over dinner, (which we've started doing with alarming frequency. I see him more now than I would an actual boyfriend, we're even road tripping this weekend), we were discussing, or maybe I was complaining about, men I've dated in the past. To which the cute neighbor said, "Since I've known you, I've heard about what you don't want in a man. What is it that you want?"

I seriously could not think of a decent answer. After "funny" I just kind of blanked. I mean, obviously I have preferences, like well-educated and good hygiene, but while I've written lists of dealbreakers, I've never written down dealmakers. I just always figured I would know it when I saw it. Right?

So far, that's all I've got: Funny, well-educated and good hygiene. Oh, and someone who can deal with the car. And money. I'm as much a feminist as the next woman, but having to deal with the car and do my own taxes are two of the worst things about being a grown-up.

Despite my romantic hibernation and cluelessness about what it actually is I'm looking for, I'm optimistic about finding something soon. Spring is here, and that means people will be out more. I think it's safe to declare St. Patrick's Day as the official start to the Spring Dating Season. I'll be playing softball again, which always helps the meeting process, and I have no doubt that Operation: Papa Smurf will be a success.