It's been awhile, thankfully a very long while. However, it's time to discuss Posh Work Guy again. Sorry.
The two of us have remained friends since our WTF? night many months ago. He was off work sick for a few months, I think that helped. Since he's been back I noticed that he stopped talking to me for a bit. Then he appeared to be flirting with me so I told him about me and The White Horse so then we went back to not talking. This suited me fine as I live in fear of the day when someone finds out about us, I get crowned the Office Slut and TWH severely questions my sanity. I took it upon myself to quash the latter point by telling TWH and me and PWG. I explained that this doesn't mean that we have to disclose all our past relationships / hook ups / serious mistakes, but, as he knows PWG and works for the same organisation as me I would rather him hear it from me then hear it from someone else. He took it well so I felt better.
Fast forward to last Friday night and PWG and I were at some one's leaving drinks - my manager's to be precise. I'd recently discovered that he is also leaving in a couple weeks and silently rejoiced about this. The two of us used this opportunity to clear the air as to why he hasn't really been speaking to me. (Someone asked him about us. He thought I had told. Which of course I had, I can't help it, I'm a talker. As soon as he said who had asked him about us I knew who had blabbed. I feel I gave a Golden Globe winning performance covering up the fact that I had told and convinced him that someone had seen us flirting at drinks many moons ago. Meryl Streep eat your heart out). Anyway, the night was going well.
Then, my recently departed (drunken) manager announced that we should go to a bar near Notting Hill. I drunkenly agreed, so me, my manager (Kate), her friend and PWG got in a cab and away we went. I thought it was weird that PWG was being so sociable until I thought back to earlier that afternoon when he was flirting so much with Kate that you could practically see the drool coming out his mouth. Once we arrived at our destination I quickly sobered up and realised that a.) I don't live anywhere near Notting Hill and b.) the tubes were probably just about to stop running.
I need to interject here and explain a little bit about London transport. It's expensive. If you want a night out in London you need to either:
a.) go out close enough to home that you won't have to shell out a fortune for a taxi
b.) go out and not get that drunk so that you can remember what time the tubes stop running (about 20 minutes after midnight) and leave on time
c.) have a friend's couch to crash on
d.) be rich enough to afford a taxi
e.) brave the night bus (a dreaded invention which runs all night but takes absolutely forever and is scary and full of drunk people. I know someone who was on a night bus and saw someone get stabbed).
The options that were open to me at this point were C and E. E wasn't going to happen. And C involved crashing on PWG's couch. Dilemma. I text TWH and explained my situation. I said that I would understand if he didn't want me staying there but I wanted to let him know. He replied that he wanted me to be safe but that ideally he didn't want me to stay there. Fair enough. If you're wondering why I asked TWH, I talk. He'd find out, he may not be happy.
Anyway...to cut a long story short Kate and I ended up back at PWG so he could call us a cab as we live in similar areas of London. This was at about 3am. I wanted to go home, she didn't. She kept saying that we would call a cab but that never happened. They started drinking again and I dozed on the couch. Then the flirting began. Can anyone say awkward? She told ridiculous stories to try and impress him, I inwardly cringed. I contemplated getting a taxi except my phone battery was very close to dying (it was at that taunting stage where it was still working but if I sent one text message it would die) and I was nervous about getting a cab home alone.
She was getting more and more flirty, I was getting more and more uncomfortable. It got to 5.20am and I ordered a cab. She walked me downstairs where I was in a serious dilemma. Isn't there a code? A code that says that girls should tell their friends that they have slept with a guy their friend is contemplating sleeping with? And most importantly, that the sex will be crap? Surely that's a friend's duty? I decided against it as PWG would've killed me, and I've told enough people as it is. I survived my solo cab ride home, slept for 2 hours and then caught a train to my parents'. I made it just in time for my eye appointment where I discovered that having your eyes poked and prodded after 2 hours sleep is not an enjoyable experience.
As for what did happen between Kate and PWG, I'm in the dark on that one. Thankfully.
Showing posts with label White Horse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label White Horse. Show all posts
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Oops
I can think of no other word to describe this post. 'Oops' just sums it up.
Picture the scene: it's a Monday morning, I'm about to leave TWH's. I am not a happy bunny for the following reasons:
1.) It's a Monday morning
2.) I'm running late
3.) Work has been really stressful lately and I don't want to go
4.) It's a Monday morning
5.) I couldn't wash my hair because TWH doesn't own a hair dryer
6.) The clocks changed on Sunday so I feel cheated out of an hour's sleep
7.) It's a Monday morning
To top it all off, before I head to get the train I need to go round to my house to drop off my stuff as I was at TWH's all weekend. Normally if I need to do this it's not a big deal. It's a 10 minute walk and it's not completely out of my way. This morning however, was not a good day, and I didn't have 10 minutes. So there I am, standing in the kitchen with greasy hair, laden down with bags and running late. At this point I say the following:
"Not to freak you out, this is just a casual observation, but my life would be much easier if we lived together."
AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Hi. My name's Fenella and I'm an idiot.
I swear I did not mean to say this. It was a random thought that popped into my head and I just wasn't thinking clearly and I definitely wasn't thinking before I spoke. It's been 7 months, I am perfectly aware that mentioning living together after 7 months falls into the 'she's a little bit crazy' category. And I have commitment issues. Seriously. I don't want to commit to a two year phone contract, I'm paying £3 a month extra for an 18 month contract. See? Commitment issues.
Does it get annoying having to cart my things back and forth between mine and TWH's?
Yes. And girls need more stuff. (Apparently there's a Sex and the City episode all about this?)
Have TWH and I both talked about how we fancy a change from the area of London in which we live?
Yes.
Have we discussed moving to a different part of London together?
No.
Is 7 months too soon to be having this conversation?
YES.
Oops.
I hastily kissed him goodbye, wished him a good day and scarpered.
On the advice of my friend at work I vowed not to mention it ever again. But of course I mentioned it. I dropped him an email which began: "If my comment this morning didn't scare you off and leave you running a mile, I have good news..." His response? "Don't worry, it didn't!"
Whew. I feel I may have dodged a bullet on this one. Except I haven't heard from him this evening, and I hear from him every evening. But I'm sure I'm worrying over nothing.
I must, must learn to think before I speak. Seriously.
Picture the scene: it's a Monday morning, I'm about to leave TWH's. I am not a happy bunny for the following reasons:
1.) It's a Monday morning
2.) I'm running late
3.) Work has been really stressful lately and I don't want to go
4.) It's a Monday morning
5.) I couldn't wash my hair because TWH doesn't own a hair dryer
6.) The clocks changed on Sunday so I feel cheated out of an hour's sleep
7.) It's a Monday morning
To top it all off, before I head to get the train I need to go round to my house to drop off my stuff as I was at TWH's all weekend. Normally if I need to do this it's not a big deal. It's a 10 minute walk and it's not completely out of my way. This morning however, was not a good day, and I didn't have 10 minutes. So there I am, standing in the kitchen with greasy hair, laden down with bags and running late. At this point I say the following:
"Not to freak you out, this is just a casual observation, but my life would be much easier if we lived together."
AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Hi. My name's Fenella and I'm an idiot.
I swear I did not mean to say this. It was a random thought that popped into my head and I just wasn't thinking clearly and I definitely wasn't thinking before I spoke. It's been 7 months, I am perfectly aware that mentioning living together after 7 months falls into the 'she's a little bit crazy' category. And I have commitment issues. Seriously. I don't want to commit to a two year phone contract, I'm paying £3 a month extra for an 18 month contract. See? Commitment issues.
Does it get annoying having to cart my things back and forth between mine and TWH's?
Yes. And girls need more stuff. (Apparently there's a Sex and the City episode all about this?)
Have TWH and I both talked about how we fancy a change from the area of London in which we live?
Yes.
Have we discussed moving to a different part of London together?
No.
Is 7 months too soon to be having this conversation?
YES.
Oops.
I hastily kissed him goodbye, wished him a good day and scarpered.
On the advice of my friend at work I vowed not to mention it ever again. But of course I mentioned it. I dropped him an email which began: "If my comment this morning didn't scare you off and leave you running a mile, I have good news..." His response? "Don't worry, it didn't!"
Whew. I feel I may have dodged a bullet on this one. Except I haven't heard from him this evening, and I hear from him every evening. But I'm sure I'm worrying over nothing.
I must, must learn to think before I speak. Seriously.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Out of the mouths of mothers
Earlier in the week I was taken ill at work which of course concerned my parents. On Wednesday night I was getting almost hourly phone calls from my mum to check on my progress. At one point during one of our many conversations she asked if any of my housemates were in as she didn't want me to be on my own. I said that they were in but also that the White Horse was round so not to worry. This was at about 8pm.
At 10.30pm, our last phone call of the evening, I was updating her once more when she asked what time the White Horse went home. "About half and hour ago" I replied, not missing a beat. Obviously I was lying, he was sitting right next to me.
Now, my mum is a very intelligent person. Yet she seems to lack the common sense to realise that my boyfriend isn't just going to come round for the evening and leave at a reasonable hour. It then got me thinking to New Year's Eve. My parents were driving me back to London and they knew I was spending the evening round the White Horse's. My mum said that she hoped that he was going to walk me home after midnight as there would probably be a lot of drunk people around. I laughed it off because I thought she was joking. Now I'm not so sure.
I think my mum and I are going to have to have 'the talk'.
At 10.30pm, our last phone call of the evening, I was updating her once more when she asked what time the White Horse went home. "About half and hour ago" I replied, not missing a beat. Obviously I was lying, he was sitting right next to me.
Now, my mum is a very intelligent person. Yet she seems to lack the common sense to realise that my boyfriend isn't just going to come round for the evening and leave at a reasonable hour. It then got me thinking to New Year's Eve. My parents were driving me back to London and they knew I was spending the evening round the White Horse's. My mum said that she hoped that he was going to walk me home after midnight as there would probably be a lot of drunk people around. I laughed it off because I thought she was joking. Now I'm not so sure.
I think my mum and I are going to have to have 'the talk'.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Facebook...again
There have been many conversations on this blog about the perils and pitfalls of Facebook. I have a few more to add to the list:
Being Facebook friends with people you work with
Some people have a real issue about this. They believe their work life and their personal life should be kept entirely separate and as part of this they refuse to be Facebook friends with work friends. Which is fair enough. I personally take a slightly more relaxed stance and am Facebook friends with some work friends. I do draw the line in some cases but I figure that many of the people that I work with are really good friend of mine, and as my Facebook page doesn't contain anything highly embarrassing and I'm not going to post a status update bitching about work which will result in getting fired, it's ok to be Facebook friends with work friends.
Or so I thought. A woman I work with (who is lovely, just a little intense) added me. I was torn. On the one hand I didn't really want to add her. On the other I knew for a fact that if I didn't add her she would come up to my desk and ask why I hadn't added her. So then I thought that I could add her but restrict what she could see. But then I realised that she would again come up to my desk and ask why she could only see my limited profile. So I gave in and accepted her friend request.
Big mistake. She comments on quite a few of my status updates. Pointlessly. She's a bit like a Facebook stalker who I have to see Monday - Friday. It got worse a couple weeks ago when she came up to my desk and said: "Ben Jones". I was confused for 10 seconds until I realised that she was talking about my friend from uni Ben Jones. My friend that she can only know about because of my Facebook page. She saw that he had commented on my page and came to my desk to tell me that she thought he was good looking. Weird. Then last week she told her manager about my update about the royal wedding:
"Fenella Middleton-Brown only cares about the royal wedding if we get a day off."
She told her manager. They had a conversation about my status update. I could hear this conversation. Seriously? This woman has crossed the line. I can't dump her though. She'll ask me why. Still, on the plus side, we do get a day off for the royal wedding.
Being Facebook friends with your parents' friends
I didn't mean for this to happen. Really I didn't. It was accidental. I swear. When I was in Peru I uploaded all my photos to Facebook and sent the link to my parents. This way they could see the photos even though they weren't on Facebook. Except for some reason the link that I sent meant that if people who weren't on Facebook decided to join Facebook through my link - they were automatically my friend. Which is how I became Facebook friends with my mother. And a few of my parents' friends. OK - I may have accepted some of their friend requests as well. And my godmother who I haven't seen since I was three. Then I felt bad if I dumped then. And most of them are fine and cause no trouble. But again, there's a couple that comment way too much and need to leave me alone. One of them wished me happy birthday and called me my family nickname that is only a family nickname. For no one else. I was furious.
I really should dump them all. But then my parents might be mad.
Adding your boyfriend on Facebook
I mentioned that the White Horse and I aren't Facebook friends - well now we are. It was a couple weeks ago and we were joking that our relationship wasn't official unless we were Facebook friends. I then pretended it was a big deal to accept his friend request, it was all very amusing. We also had The Conversation where we agreed that the whole:
"Fenella Middleton-Brown is in a relationship with The White Horse"
is unnecessary and silly. So we became Facebook friends. Which resulted in:
1.) Me suddenly realising that he may have a look at my photos and one of the first ones he would see is the one that Vi mentioned - the one of me and my ex-boyfriend looking very cozy 4 years ago that someone decided to tag. I hastily de-tagged myself. It sounds ridiculous but that wasn't the first photo of me I wanted him to see. I started thinking if there were any other photos I didn't want him to see. I then told myself I was being ridiculous.
2.) I kid you not, about 10 minutes after I accepted his requested by friend text me: "so you're finally Facebook friends!" Freaky.
3.) My mother has been stalking my boyfriend on Facebook. She insists it's not stalking as he hasn't made his photos private. I insist that it's stalking if you're not friends with each on Facebook.
I may regret this decision.
Facebook is a minefield.
Being Facebook friends with people you work with
Some people have a real issue about this. They believe their work life and their personal life should be kept entirely separate and as part of this they refuse to be Facebook friends with work friends. Which is fair enough. I personally take a slightly more relaxed stance and am Facebook friends with some work friends. I do draw the line in some cases but I figure that many of the people that I work with are really good friend of mine, and as my Facebook page doesn't contain anything highly embarrassing and I'm not going to post a status update bitching about work which will result in getting fired, it's ok to be Facebook friends with work friends.
Or so I thought. A woman I work with (who is lovely, just a little intense) added me. I was torn. On the one hand I didn't really want to add her. On the other I knew for a fact that if I didn't add her she would come up to my desk and ask why I hadn't added her. So then I thought that I could add her but restrict what she could see. But then I realised that she would again come up to my desk and ask why she could only see my limited profile. So I gave in and accepted her friend request.
Big mistake. She comments on quite a few of my status updates. Pointlessly. She's a bit like a Facebook stalker who I have to see Monday - Friday. It got worse a couple weeks ago when she came up to my desk and said: "Ben Jones". I was confused for 10 seconds until I realised that she was talking about my friend from uni Ben Jones. My friend that she can only know about because of my Facebook page. She saw that he had commented on my page and came to my desk to tell me that she thought he was good looking. Weird. Then last week she told her manager about my update about the royal wedding:
"Fenella Middleton-Brown only cares about the royal wedding if we get a day off."
She told her manager. They had a conversation about my status update. I could hear this conversation. Seriously? This woman has crossed the line. I can't dump her though. She'll ask me why. Still, on the plus side, we do get a day off for the royal wedding.
Being Facebook friends with your parents' friends
I didn't mean for this to happen. Really I didn't. It was accidental. I swear. When I was in Peru I uploaded all my photos to Facebook and sent the link to my parents. This way they could see the photos even though they weren't on Facebook. Except for some reason the link that I sent meant that if people who weren't on Facebook decided to join Facebook through my link - they were automatically my friend. Which is how I became Facebook friends with my mother. And a few of my parents' friends. OK - I may have accepted some of their friend requests as well. And my godmother who I haven't seen since I was three. Then I felt bad if I dumped then. And most of them are fine and cause no trouble. But again, there's a couple that comment way too much and need to leave me alone. One of them wished me happy birthday and called me my family nickname that is only a family nickname. For no one else. I was furious.
I really should dump them all. But then my parents might be mad.
Adding your boyfriend on Facebook
I mentioned that the White Horse and I aren't Facebook friends - well now we are. It was a couple weeks ago and we were joking that our relationship wasn't official unless we were Facebook friends. I then pretended it was a big deal to accept his friend request, it was all very amusing. We also had The Conversation where we agreed that the whole:
"Fenella Middleton-Brown is in a relationship with The White Horse"
is unnecessary and silly. So we became Facebook friends. Which resulted in:
1.) Me suddenly realising that he may have a look at my photos and one of the first ones he would see is the one that Vi mentioned - the one of me and my ex-boyfriend looking very cozy 4 years ago that someone decided to tag. I hastily de-tagged myself. It sounds ridiculous but that wasn't the first photo of me I wanted him to see. I started thinking if there were any other photos I didn't want him to see. I then told myself I was being ridiculous.
2.) I kid you not, about 10 minutes after I accepted his requested by friend text me: "so you're finally Facebook friends!" Freaky.
3.) My mother has been stalking my boyfriend on Facebook. She insists it's not stalking as he hasn't made his photos private. I insist that it's stalking if you're not friends with each on Facebook.
I may regret this decision.
Facebook is a minefield.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Bah Humbug!
I've just seen the Coca-Cola Christmas advert. It must be Christmas. Ugh.
Now, I'm not a Scrooge, I do actually quite like Christmas. Obviously not the insane commercialism of it, but the odd family traditions, the Christmas dinner and of course, presents.
Which leads me to my bah humbug! moment. Buying presents for boys. Or, more specifically, buying presents for boyfriends. I hate it. And it's expensive.
I just find buying presents for boys really, really difficult. What's irritating is that it's so much easier for guys to buy for girls. Mainly because the shops cater to girl presents so much more so, even if you're stuck on ideas the shops will probably help you out, thus making the lives of boyfriends the world over much, much easier. Namely because you can buy girls presents in the following categories:
- Jewellery. All guys would need to do is pay attention to what type of jewellery their girlfriend wears most often. For example, I never wear bracelets but always wear earrings. Simple. (Unless of course you're the cute neighbor as a certain Violet Bickerstaff isn't a jewellery fan.)
- Cute & Cuddly. Not to every girl's taste true enough. But if it is, the options are there. Especially at Christmas time. Cute teddy bears everywhere you look. Some say 'I Love You.' Awww....
- Sexy Underwear. It's a risky one. Especially as this would entail your boyfriend knowing your bra size. But if he's feeling brave and wants to look like a creepy man buying women's lingerie, again, endless opportunities.
- Bath Goodies. If guys are really stuck, bath goodies! They come in pretty colours and they smell lovely. Plus there's the added bonus of special Christmas gift sets. Result!
- Perfume. Like the sexy underwear guys need specialised knowledge for this one. Namely, what's your favourite perfume? But if they know that. Simple. Simple. Simple.
Now, what do us girls buy for guys? I. Don't. Know. Hence my bah humbug moment. I don't know what to buy the White Horse and there just doesn't seem to be the same amount of guy gifts out there. Guys get it easy.
As for the White Horse, I remain stumped. I could get him a football (soccer) shirt but I'm not really a fan of him wearing those. But if it comes to it...
Now, I'm not a Scrooge, I do actually quite like Christmas. Obviously not the insane commercialism of it, but the odd family traditions, the Christmas dinner and of course, presents.
Which leads me to my bah humbug! moment. Buying presents for boys. Or, more specifically, buying presents for boyfriends. I hate it. And it's expensive.
I just find buying presents for boys really, really difficult. What's irritating is that it's so much easier for guys to buy for girls. Mainly because the shops cater to girl presents so much more so, even if you're stuck on ideas the shops will probably help you out, thus making the lives of boyfriends the world over much, much easier. Namely because you can buy girls presents in the following categories:
- Jewellery. All guys would need to do is pay attention to what type of jewellery their girlfriend wears most often. For example, I never wear bracelets but always wear earrings. Simple. (Unless of course you're the cute neighbor as a certain Violet Bickerstaff isn't a jewellery fan.)
- Cute & Cuddly. Not to every girl's taste true enough. But if it is, the options are there. Especially at Christmas time. Cute teddy bears everywhere you look. Some say 'I Love You.' Awww....
- Sexy Underwear. It's a risky one. Especially as this would entail your boyfriend knowing your bra size. But if he's feeling brave and wants to look like a creepy man buying women's lingerie, again, endless opportunities.
- Bath Goodies. If guys are really stuck, bath goodies! They come in pretty colours and they smell lovely. Plus there's the added bonus of special Christmas gift sets. Result!
- Perfume. Like the sexy underwear guys need specialised knowledge for this one. Namely, what's your favourite perfume? But if they know that. Simple. Simple. Simple.
Now, what do us girls buy for guys? I. Don't. Know. Hence my bah humbug moment. I don't know what to buy the White Horse and there just doesn't seem to be the same amount of guy gifts out there. Guys get it easy.
As for the White Horse, I remain stumped. I could get him a football (soccer) shirt but I'm not really a fan of him wearing those. But if it comes to it...
Sunday, November 7, 2010
The Ex Factor
Not long ago, we posted a list of facebook fuckwittage, a list of 8 crimes committed against cyberspace. I think we should add another to that list: Do not post old pictures of your friends and their exes years after they have broken up. Or for that matter, don't post pictures of you and your ex years after you have broken up. Not one but two examples of this popped up on my newsfeed this week.
The first was Fenella, looking awfully cozy with a guy I did not recognize. At first I thought it was The White Horse, but when I clicked on the picture, not only did it not look like The White Horse, but it was not tagged with the White Horse's name. Odd. So I asked Fen what was up, and sure enough, it was a picture of her and her boyfriend way back in Uni (or college, as we would say here in the States), and a friend was just now posting it several years later. I couldn't help but think, "I wonder what The White Horse thinks of this photo?"
I got my answer today. As I opened up facebook, the first story in my newsfeed was that the cute neighbor was tagged in a photo by one of his good friends. It was a photo from Halloween two years before, an entire year before I had even met the cute neighbor. In the photo with him was his ex-girlfriend. I know this because they were holding hands.
The cute neighbor has 7 years on me. That means when he was graduating from high school, I was finishing up the 5th grade. That's a lot of extra years to accumulate ex-girlfriends and ex-hook-ups. I know that they exist, and I'm ok with that. Really, I am. Unless you marry your high school or college sweetheart right after graduation, it's going to happen. We all have a past, and as long as that past doesn't carry an STD with it, it's fine.
I do not, however, need to put names and faces to the past. I know some women diligently go through every photo of their current beau, looking for just that, but I am not one of them. Absolutely nothing good could possibly come of it, so why do it? It will only lead to jealousy and insecurity, and I'm good without that, thank you very much. And since I have made the effort to be very good and not go snooping through old pictures, I would like it very much if those old pictures of my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriends would not show up in my newsfeed. Is that too much to ask for? Am I going to have to "hide" him? Is it even possible to have a healthy facebook relationship with the person you're dating?
The first was Fenella, looking awfully cozy with a guy I did not recognize. At first I thought it was The White Horse, but when I clicked on the picture, not only did it not look like The White Horse, but it was not tagged with the White Horse's name. Odd. So I asked Fen what was up, and sure enough, it was a picture of her and her boyfriend way back in Uni (or college, as we would say here in the States), and a friend was just now posting it several years later. I couldn't help but think, "I wonder what The White Horse thinks of this photo?"
I got my answer today. As I opened up facebook, the first story in my newsfeed was that the cute neighbor was tagged in a photo by one of his good friends. It was a photo from Halloween two years before, an entire year before I had even met the cute neighbor. In the photo with him was his ex-girlfriend. I know this because they were holding hands.
The cute neighbor has 7 years on me. That means when he was graduating from high school, I was finishing up the 5th grade. That's a lot of extra years to accumulate ex-girlfriends and ex-hook-ups. I know that they exist, and I'm ok with that. Really, I am. Unless you marry your high school or college sweetheart right after graduation, it's going to happen. We all have a past, and as long as that past doesn't carry an STD with it, it's fine.
I do not, however, need to put names and faces to the past. I know some women diligently go through every photo of their current beau, looking for just that, but I am not one of them. Absolutely nothing good could possibly come of it, so why do it? It will only lead to jealousy and insecurity, and I'm good without that, thank you very much. And since I have made the effort to be very good and not go snooping through old pictures, I would like it very much if those old pictures of my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriends would not show up in my newsfeed. Is that too much to ask for? Am I going to have to "hide" him? Is it even possible to have a healthy facebook relationship with the person you're dating?
Saturday, October 23, 2010
The Conversation: The Result
On Wednesday night I had drinks with my softball team. Due to the season ending in August it was the first time we'd all got together since the season ended, and the first time we'd all got together since The White Horse and I have got together. I figured it was going to be an interesting evening.
Now, as you all know, TWH and I met through our work softball team, not through work itself. These are all people we both know really well and get on with, and I thought this could be a good opportunity to let people know that the two of us were now more than just friends. The night before I had tried to mention this to TWH but he being a guy didn't really take the bait and I didn't want to push it and come across as all desperate.
Fast-forward to Wednesday evening, I'm two drinks in and feeling a little irritated. We're sat apart, not talking and acting like the past two months haven't happened. *Disclaimer: I didn't want to make a big deal about us. I didn't want to make a big announcement and I certainly didn't want the two of us acting all couply in the bar. All I wanted was my friends to find out, in a subtle way so that I wouldn't have to lie about my social plans like I've had to. TWH walks over and I tell him that I don't this, that it's weird. He agreed and said that he doesn't mind people knowing, he just didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I said that I didn't want to make a big deal out of it either, I just have more friends at work than he does. All of his friends know about me (even his mum knows about me now apparently) but my friends don't know about him because of the whole 'we work together thing' and I don't think that's fair, because let's be honest, girls like to talk.
I think I got my point across. As the evening wore on we gradually acted in more of a couple manner (nothing icky) and people found out, nothing was said and it was all very non-dramatic. As it should be. Later on in the evening (probably 5 drinks in by now) I was speaking to TWH and one of our friends came over to say goodbye because he had to meet his girlfriend. I started asking questions about his girlfriend only for him to respond: "And what about your new boyfriend Fenella? How long have you been with him?" Awkward...didn't he know that TWH and I haven't had The Conversation?! I managed to fend off the question by saying that I was doing the asking, not him.
On the train home I said to TWH that I didn't answer the boyfriend question because we hadn't had the whole boyfriend / girlfriend conversation. (Oh vodka, how I love the confidence you give me). TWH said that we could have the conversation now. I said OK.
TWH: So, you're my girlfriend right?
Me: Yes
And they say romance is dead. So there you have it. I guess TWH now falls into the ACTUAL BOYFRIEND category. Huh.
P.S. And might I just say, the action that you get after having The Conversation? If only you could have The Conversation more than once in a relationship.
Now, as you all know, TWH and I met through our work softball team, not through work itself. These are all people we both know really well and get on with, and I thought this could be a good opportunity to let people know that the two of us were now more than just friends. The night before I had tried to mention this to TWH but he being a guy didn't really take the bait and I didn't want to push it and come across as all desperate.
Fast-forward to Wednesday evening, I'm two drinks in and feeling a little irritated. We're sat apart, not talking and acting like the past two months haven't happened. *Disclaimer: I didn't want to make a big deal about us. I didn't want to make a big announcement and I certainly didn't want the two of us acting all couply in the bar. All I wanted was my friends to find out, in a subtle way so that I wouldn't have to lie about my social plans like I've had to. TWH walks over and I tell him that I don't this, that it's weird. He agreed and said that he doesn't mind people knowing, he just didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I said that I didn't want to make a big deal out of it either, I just have more friends at work than he does. All of his friends know about me (even his mum knows about me now apparently) but my friends don't know about him because of the whole 'we work together thing' and I don't think that's fair, because let's be honest, girls like to talk.
I think I got my point across. As the evening wore on we gradually acted in more of a couple manner (nothing icky) and people found out, nothing was said and it was all very non-dramatic. As it should be. Later on in the evening (probably 5 drinks in by now) I was speaking to TWH and one of our friends came over to say goodbye because he had to meet his girlfriend. I started asking questions about his girlfriend only for him to respond: "And what about your new boyfriend Fenella? How long have you been with him?" Awkward...didn't he know that TWH and I haven't had The Conversation?! I managed to fend off the question by saying that I was doing the asking, not him.
On the train home I said to TWH that I didn't answer the boyfriend question because we hadn't had the whole boyfriend / girlfriend conversation. (Oh vodka, how I love the confidence you give me). TWH said that we could have the conversation now. I said OK.
TWH: So, you're my girlfriend right?
Me: Yes
And they say romance is dead. So there you have it. I guess TWH now falls into the ACTUAL BOYFRIEND category. Huh.
P.S. And might I just say, the action that you get after having The Conversation? If only you could have The Conversation more than once in a relationship.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Confession Time?
I'm in a little bit of a dilemma.
Things with the White Horse are still going really well, and after my mini freak out wondering if we needed to have The (Mini) Conversation I am doing very well at just enjoying how things are going and not rushing into anything and just generally having fun. This is indeed progress, especially after Fergus.
People at work still don't know but it may come out eventually which wouldn't be a bad thing because we work in separate offices and most people that I work with don't actually know who he is - and it would save me having to think before I speak when talking about what I did at the weekend / in the evenings. It's mentally exhausting. Especially on a Monday morning.
However, my dilemma is - PWG. Don't worry, things with PWG that went beyond friendship are well and truly in the past, I'm not going there again! My dilemma is: do I tell the White Horse about PWG? You may think I'm crazy for even considering this - after all, we are not obliged to divulge information about our past...conquests? The thing is, he knows PWG and my fear is that he'll find out (I don't know how exactly, only one person knows and they won't say anything, and PWG isn't going to say anything) but what if he does and I haven't told him? Would that be bad?
Violet has said she thinks I don't need to tell him as he won't find out, and like always, she's probably right. There's just a little bit of me that thinks I should just tell him. But then he'd know that he's not the first guy from work I've hooked up with. Dilemma.
Thoughts?
Things with the White Horse are still going really well, and after my mini freak out wondering if we needed to have The (Mini) Conversation I am doing very well at just enjoying how things are going and not rushing into anything and just generally having fun. This is indeed progress, especially after Fergus.
People at work still don't know but it may come out eventually which wouldn't be a bad thing because we work in separate offices and most people that I work with don't actually know who he is - and it would save me having to think before I speak when talking about what I did at the weekend / in the evenings. It's mentally exhausting. Especially on a Monday morning.
However, my dilemma is - PWG. Don't worry, things with PWG that went beyond friendship are well and truly in the past, I'm not going there again! My dilemma is: do I tell the White Horse about PWG? You may think I'm crazy for even considering this - after all, we are not obliged to divulge information about our past...conquests? The thing is, he knows PWG and my fear is that he'll find out (I don't know how exactly, only one person knows and they won't say anything, and PWG isn't going to say anything) but what if he does and I haven't told him? Would that be bad?
Violet has said she thinks I don't need to tell him as he won't find out, and like always, she's probably right. There's just a little bit of me that thinks I should just tell him. But then he'd know that he's not the first guy from work I've hooked up with. Dilemma.
Thoughts?
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
The (Mini) Conversation
The White Horse is in Italy for 5 days. This sucks but on the plus side I can catch up on the sleep I've been deprived of lately, make it in to work early to get things done, and I need time to move house.
As great as things are going with TWH I feel it is starting to get to that stage where we may need to have The Conversation. Which is never fun now is it?
Part of me is wondering if it's too soon to even consider having The Conversation, in fact it is, because we've only been seeing each other for 3 weeks. And I have a serious habit of falling too hard too fast and I don't want to make that mistake again. But then, it's not like we have only known each other for 3 weeks, we've been friends for quite a few months. Dilemma.
I was doing fine and not really caring about all of the 'where is this going'? nonsense. Very unlike me, but it turns out, I can be fairly mellow and relaxed. But then the other night I was round his, he was packing to go on holiday and I was a little bored. His laptop was turned on and I decided I could use my time wisely and email Vi. I asked if I could check my emails and he said I could. Except I forgot that when it's your computer you don't bother about passwords and logging in, so when I typed in gmail, his email account automatically started loading. And I wasn't fast enough to stop it. But as soon as I could I logged off. Not before seeing that he had quite a few emails (unread, I hasten to add) from match.com.
Now, I need to stress that I am not freaked out by the fact that he is signed up to a dating site. In fact, I seem to recall him mentioning that at some point. Nor do I think that he should've deleted his profile straight after he and I started, well, whatever we started. I only just got round to deleting my online profile a month or so ago. And the emails were all unread.
No, what (accidentally) seeing those emails meant was that I started thinking about where things are going. Not in a dramatic fashion but more so in a 'are we exclusive'? type fashion. And the thing is, seeing those emails made me realise, because I hadn't really thought about it before, that I would quite like it if I was the only girl he's seeing. And that it really sucks him being away for 5 days. Just because I'm moving you understand, I could've put him to work.
I think the signs that we're exclusive and that things are going well are all there:
* I got introduced to some of his friends on Sunday
* When we were talking to his friends about the whole working together thing, he said that we were 'seeing each other'
* I spend about 3 nights a week at his
* He suggests meeting up more so than I do
* He emailed me at work today to let me know that his phone doesn't work in Italy but that he got there and that he can't wait til next week when he gets to see me. He's in Italy. I'd be focusing on the pizza, but I'll take it.
So I don't think having The Conversation would be terribly painful but it's too soon. I'm happy for things to continue as they are, but as I said, it's the 'exclusive' issue, I'm not saying we have to do the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. So, it's too soon for The Conversation but maybe we need to have The (Mini) Conversation? I hate this. Help.
As great as things are going with TWH I feel it is starting to get to that stage where we may need to have The Conversation. Which is never fun now is it?
Part of me is wondering if it's too soon to even consider having The Conversation, in fact it is, because we've only been seeing each other for 3 weeks. And I have a serious habit of falling too hard too fast and I don't want to make that mistake again. But then, it's not like we have only known each other for 3 weeks, we've been friends for quite a few months. Dilemma.
I was doing fine and not really caring about all of the 'where is this going'? nonsense. Very unlike me, but it turns out, I can be fairly mellow and relaxed. But then the other night I was round his, he was packing to go on holiday and I was a little bored. His laptop was turned on and I decided I could use my time wisely and email Vi. I asked if I could check my emails and he said I could. Except I forgot that when it's your computer you don't bother about passwords and logging in, so when I typed in gmail, his email account automatically started loading. And I wasn't fast enough to stop it. But as soon as I could I logged off. Not before seeing that he had quite a few emails (unread, I hasten to add) from match.com.
Now, I need to stress that I am not freaked out by the fact that he is signed up to a dating site. In fact, I seem to recall him mentioning that at some point. Nor do I think that he should've deleted his profile straight after he and I started, well, whatever we started. I only just got round to deleting my online profile a month or so ago. And the emails were all unread.
No, what (accidentally) seeing those emails meant was that I started thinking about where things are going. Not in a dramatic fashion but more so in a 'are we exclusive'? type fashion. And the thing is, seeing those emails made me realise, because I hadn't really thought about it before, that I would quite like it if I was the only girl he's seeing. And that it really sucks him being away for 5 days. Just because I'm moving you understand, I could've put him to work.
I think the signs that we're exclusive and that things are going well are all there:
* I got introduced to some of his friends on Sunday
* When we were talking to his friends about the whole working together thing, he said that we were 'seeing each other'
* I spend about 3 nights a week at his
* He suggests meeting up more so than I do
* He emailed me at work today to let me know that his phone doesn't work in Italy but that he got there and that he can't wait til next week when he gets to see me. He's in Italy. I'd be focusing on the pizza, but I'll take it.
So I don't think having The Conversation would be terribly painful but it's too soon. I'm happy for things to continue as they are, but as I said, it's the 'exclusive' issue, I'm not saying we have to do the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. So, it's too soon for The Conversation but maybe we need to have The (Mini) Conversation? I hate this. Help.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
No more box checking
Huh.
A week and a half after my slutty weekend and the White Horse and I are...well, something. I've spent three nights at his since. We email or text, or both, everyday. When we were out with work people last Friday (sneakily holding hands under the table as, in case you're not keeping up, we work together and work people don't know) and one of the guys was asking every one's relationship status the White Horse replied: "it's early days" - whilst squeezing my hand. I said I was single - I'm being sensible you see - no going in head first, eyes closed and hands tied behind my back.
So I think things are going well.
Weird thing is, I was thinking the other day how he isn't 'my type' at all. And, if I were to have check boxes when it comes to guys (which I don't) he wouldn't check any of them. He's only two years older than me, I prefer older. He's ridiculously into soccer (sigh), he likes wearing soccer shirts (double sigh) and he's not taller than me. We're exactly the same height (triple sigh).
But here's the thing. He makes me laugh. We stay up til three in the morning talking, (which makes work the next day a pain but there you are) he makes me tea in the morning and he lets me rant all the time about my annoying housemates. And he just replied to my text saying that he was just thinking about me. Which was about five minutes ago and I haven't quite stopped smiling.
So check boxes and ideal types are just ridiculous and should be thrown out the window. Why should we think that we can box guys into categories and only if they meet certain requirements should we view them worthy of dating us? It all depends on the guy and how he makes you feel. Which I'm sure we all knew anyway, I'm merely reinforcing.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a text to reply to.
A week and a half after my slutty weekend and the White Horse and I are...well, something. I've spent three nights at his since. We email or text, or both, everyday. When we were out with work people last Friday (sneakily holding hands under the table as, in case you're not keeping up, we work together and work people don't know) and one of the guys was asking every one's relationship status the White Horse replied: "it's early days" - whilst squeezing my hand. I said I was single - I'm being sensible you see - no going in head first, eyes closed and hands tied behind my back.
So I think things are going well.
Weird thing is, I was thinking the other day how he isn't 'my type' at all. And, if I were to have check boxes when it comes to guys (which I don't) he wouldn't check any of them. He's only two years older than me, I prefer older. He's ridiculously into soccer (sigh), he likes wearing soccer shirts (double sigh) and he's not taller than me. We're exactly the same height (triple sigh).
But here's the thing. He makes me laugh. We stay up til three in the morning talking, (which makes work the next day a pain but there you are) he makes me tea in the morning and he lets me rant all the time about my annoying housemates. And he just replied to my text saying that he was just thinking about me. Which was about five minutes ago and I haven't quite stopped smiling.
So check boxes and ideal types are just ridiculous and should be thrown out the window. Why should we think that we can box guys into categories and only if they meet certain requirements should we view them worthy of dating us? It all depends on the guy and how he makes you feel. Which I'm sure we all knew anyway, I'm merely reinforcing.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a text to reply to.
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