This weekend I had two dates with two different guys. With all the online dating that I've done, you would think that this would have happened before now, but actually this was a first. (I live in a small town so, the geographically desirable online dating pool is more of a puddle.)
The first date of the weekend was with Teddy. Teddy and I had been out two other times. Honestly, I don't have anything bad to say about him. He is outdoorsy, educated, well mannered, and sweet. Teddy seems to be an all around nice guy and we have a lot in common. I could go on about his positive qualities, but if I was completely honest with myself then I'd admit that I was just trying to reassure myself that he is a great catch. The thing is that I don't get excited when he calls. When he tries to make plans with me, I sometimes find myself making excuses like I have to study or go to the gym. Even when I'm making the excuses I know that I shouldn't, but I can't seem to stop myself. It shouldn't be this easy to be a cool aloof ice queen, right? On the other hand, I feel like I should give Teddy a chance, because I do have fun with him and it is easy to talk to him. He is the type of guy I would be friends with. How long can I date him before I make a decision?
My second date of the weekend was with Mascot Guy. Mascot Guy had several photos of himself with mascots up on his profile. I had asked him about this, so the first thing that he did on our date was pull out his camera and show me at least 20 other pictures with mascots. And this was only from this past year, he told me he has more! I guess this is kind of a cool hobby, but I have to say, it was a little weird on a first date. I asked him how often he goes to games and I got the impression this isn't just a hobby, it is an obsession. This might not have been as disappointing if I was at all athletic or went to sporting events for the games rather than the experience, friends, and the people watching. Also, I found myself wondering if the mascot thing is the most interesting thing about him. Still the conversation wasn't bad.
After Mascot Guy inhaled his food, he started to get antsy. He went and paid before I was even halfway done. He wanted to know if I wanted to go somewhere else, but he couldn't come up with anything to do. I told him I wouldn't mind staying there a little longer longer. Mascot Guy told me he thought sticking around at the restaurant longer would be weird. This was after maybe 45 minutes. He asked me if I was ready to go before I'd even finished my drink. Seriously, what was the rush? Mascot guy was out the door of the restaurant, while I was still standing at the table zipping up my coat! He waited outside and gave me a hug in the middle of the road telling me that we should do it again. I couldn't help but think this was kind of rude. Within 15 minutes of the date, he had texted me to say he had a great time and can't wait to do it again. How can he be so over eager but in such a rush to end a date at the same time? I'm wondering if maybe Mascot Guy was just really nervous and it would be worth giving him a second chance. What do you think?
I find online dating to be kind of unnatural. You meet a guy and feel like you have to instantly decide if there is chemistry. I had amazing chemistry with MM and even with him there wasn't instant chemistry. We were friends for a while first. Still, I think that I deserve to find someone that I'm excited about. Don't we all deserve to find someone who gives us butterflies in our stomachs? I haven't completely written these guys off yet, but I'm going to continue looking.
Showing posts with label chemistry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chemistry. Show all posts
Monday, February 15, 2010
Monday, June 1, 2009
Online dating is the fast food of dating...
Both Violet and I have been feeling a little exasperated with online dating. It seems that there are so many more undesirables than suitable bachelors in my pool of geographically desirable men on match.com. While I am trying to put forth some effort and give all the respectable guys a chance, recently I find myself more drawn to some of the guys I’m meeting through friends or my meetup group. I contemplated why this might be and came to the realization that online dating is the fast food of dating.
Don’t get me wrong I still recommend it to anyone who is single and looking for a better way to meet someone than a loud bar but it does have its flaws. Online dating allows you to meet a lot of guys within a short period of time but like fast food it often leaves you feeling dissatisfied and guilty. Furthermore the prospective men are often not as appealing in person as they appear on their profile pictures. Yes you do correspond prior to meeting but often this is an exchange of history, goals, interests, etc. that give you a false impression that you actually know the person. It becomes kind of methodical and takes some of the romance out of the courtship process. You skip over the introductory stage where you feel giddy over little things that the guys says or does. True it probably isn’t that much of a loss that Violet and I are spared some of the “does he like me” conversations but isn’t that part of the fun? Sometimes I just want to enjoy the a three course meal complete with the anticipation!
So while my online dating inbox is flooded with winks from less than ideal suitors it is a relief to meet men in the real world on occasion that have potential. I have been crushing a bit on this guy that I met through some friends. He has definitely flirted with me and there is chemistry. Over dinner with friends he even reached across the table and patted my hand on one occassion. However, he isn't exactly pursuing me so if I was perfectly honest with myself I'd probably have to admit that he is just not that into me. Then there is my friend Meetup Matt. I met him awhile ago and then started dating The Engineer. I hung out with him and some of the other meetup people this past weekend there was some flirtation involved (perhaps aided by sexy panties, heels, and alcohol). I’m not sure if any of these flirtations will go anywhere but sometimes after a string of bad first dates a girl just needs a little harmless flirting to reassure herself that she's still got it!!
Don’t get me wrong I still recommend it to anyone who is single and looking for a better way to meet someone than a loud bar but it does have its flaws. Online dating allows you to meet a lot of guys within a short period of time but like fast food it often leaves you feeling dissatisfied and guilty. Furthermore the prospective men are often not as appealing in person as they appear on their profile pictures. Yes you do correspond prior to meeting but often this is an exchange of history, goals, interests, etc. that give you a false impression that you actually know the person. It becomes kind of methodical and takes some of the romance out of the courtship process. You skip over the introductory stage where you feel giddy over little things that the guys says or does. True it probably isn’t that much of a loss that Violet and I are spared some of the “does he like me” conversations but isn’t that part of the fun? Sometimes I just want to enjoy the a three course meal complete with the anticipation!
So while my online dating inbox is flooded with winks from less than ideal suitors it is a relief to meet men in the real world on occasion that have potential. I have been crushing a bit on this guy that I met through some friends. He has definitely flirted with me and there is chemistry. Over dinner with friends he even reached across the table and patted my hand on one occassion. However, he isn't exactly pursuing me so if I was perfectly honest with myself I'd probably have to admit that he is just not that into me. Then there is my friend Meetup Matt. I met him awhile ago and then started dating The Engineer. I hung out with him and some of the other meetup people this past weekend there was some flirtation involved (perhaps aided by sexy panties, heels, and alcohol). I’m not sure if any of these flirtations will go anywhere but sometimes after a string of bad first dates a girl just needs a little harmless flirting to reassure herself that she's still got it!!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Fuckwittage confirmed: Part 2
Continued from "Fuckwittage Confirmed"...
Yes that’s right The Engineer emailed me!! (I deserved a call at the very least, right?) And no, he did not have a good excuse for ignoring me five days. This was indeed a simple straightforward case of fuckwittage!
After saying that he “thinks” he decided that we shouldn’t go out anymore, The Engineer’s email went on to say that he had fun the “couple” of times we went out but he didn’t feel that click. He also revealed that he had his heart broken a few months ago and said that he needed to get out and meet new people. (This was news to me.) He placated me by saying that I’m pretty, smart, and caring and he is probably the one losing out.
The Engineer’s email may have been appropriate (and even flattering) should I have received it after one or two dates but after you get to the point where you no longer know exactly how many dates you’ve been on, an email is clearly not acceptable. I do kind of agree with his point that we didn’t “click.” While we got along really well, what we had was more friend chemistry than romantic chemistry. Even now I feel kind of guilty saying this but I wasn’t as attracted to The Engineer as I thought I should be. I had fun with him and felt more comfortable with him than the other guys I’ve dated so I figured I would give it a chance…I thought maybe with time it could grow into something more. My dad is always telling me I’m too picky and I can’t expect life to be like a romantic comedy. I didn’t want to prove him right.
As for the rest of The Engineer’s email…I understand if he wants to get out and meet people after a bad break up but is a dating website really the place to look? Furthermore, this is the guy that told me that he wanted to see me more. His behavior prior to the cancelled date in no way implied that he wanted to be out there dating lots of people.
Despite my annoyance with The Engineer’s email, I must say that I felt an enormous sense of relief. Sure I was a little disappointed but it was liberating to know with complete certainty that it was really over and I could officially move on. Last week I was still kind of adjusting to not having The Engineer in my life. I had grown used to talking to him daily and I kind of missed him. If he had handled the break up appropriately and not acted like a complete fuckwit, I think I would have even suggested that we try to be friends. (I couldn't help but wonder after all that time if The Engineer was able to send his cowardly email and then move on without a second thought.)
I have not yet decided if I should email The Engineer back and call him out on his fuckwittage as a public service to our fellow singletons. What would Bridget do?
Yes that’s right The Engineer emailed me!! (I deserved a call at the very least, right?) And no, he did not have a good excuse for ignoring me five days. This was indeed a simple straightforward case of fuckwittage!
After saying that he “thinks” he decided that we shouldn’t go out anymore, The Engineer’s email went on to say that he had fun the “couple” of times we went out but he didn’t feel that click. He also revealed that he had his heart broken a few months ago and said that he needed to get out and meet new people. (This was news to me.) He placated me by saying that I’m pretty, smart, and caring and he is probably the one losing out.
The Engineer’s email may have been appropriate (and even flattering) should I have received it after one or two dates but after you get to the point where you no longer know exactly how many dates you’ve been on, an email is clearly not acceptable. I do kind of agree with his point that we didn’t “click.” While we got along really well, what we had was more friend chemistry than romantic chemistry. Even now I feel kind of guilty saying this but I wasn’t as attracted to The Engineer as I thought I should be. I had fun with him and felt more comfortable with him than the other guys I’ve dated so I figured I would give it a chance…I thought maybe with time it could grow into something more. My dad is always telling me I’m too picky and I can’t expect life to be like a romantic comedy. I didn’t want to prove him right.
As for the rest of The Engineer’s email…I understand if he wants to get out and meet people after a bad break up but is a dating website really the place to look? Furthermore, this is the guy that told me that he wanted to see me more. His behavior prior to the cancelled date in no way implied that he wanted to be out there dating lots of people.
Despite my annoyance with The Engineer’s email, I must say that I felt an enormous sense of relief. Sure I was a little disappointed but it was liberating to know with complete certainty that it was really over and I could officially move on. Last week I was still kind of adjusting to not having The Engineer in my life. I had grown used to talking to him daily and I kind of missed him. If he had handled the break up appropriately and not acted like a complete fuckwit, I think I would have even suggested that we try to be friends. (I couldn't help but wonder after all that time if The Engineer was able to send his cowardly email and then move on without a second thought.)
I have not yet decided if I should email The Engineer back and call him out on his fuckwittage as a public service to our fellow singletons. What would Bridget do?
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