What Would Bridget Do: Exam Edition

So I thought since Violet has a v. important test tomorrow that she may have been thinking to herself "What would Bridget do if she had a v. important test tomorrow?" Well here is my version of things...feel free to make up your own.

1. Sign up for test. (Hoorah! You have completed this step! Move on to step 2.)
2. Gather studying materials. (If you surround yourself by them maybe you will absorb information through osmosis.)
3. Sit down to study.
4. Correct flat feng shui as cannot study effectively without the right balance. Consult self help books re: feng shui.
5. Check to see if you have miss any calls. Decide not to call Scarlet for hourly update because of v. important test.
6. Consult multiple horoscopes till you find the one that tells you tomorrow is an excellent day for test taking.
7. Really must study now!!
8. Daydream about Duke Logan and the Highlander fighting over you in a soap opera type setting. (Make a note to revisit this daydream later.)
9. Research methods of reducing test anxiety.
10. Check to see if Scarlet called or emailed to report on latest date with MM.*
11. Decide that studying is v. exhausting.
12. Congratulate self on a productive evening of studying and go to bed. Afterall don't they always say the most important thing is that you are well rested?

*Note: Yes, I am still dating MM (Meetup Matt) and apart from a brief commitment phobe setback things are going quite well.

Question of the Week: Eggs for sale

I moved over the weekend. Finally, I'm back in my favorite city (also the best city in the country for singletons! Hurrah! Am no longer social pariah to be looked upon with pity!) and also happen to live a mere 10 minutes from my ex-imaginary boyfriend.

I saw him tonight for the first time in over a year. Very happy to report that no old feelings crept up. Instead, I just looked at him like a very, very good friend. It was apparent that we are definitely comfortable with our "just friends" status when, discussing my current unemployed status, he mentioned that I could sell my eggs for literally thousands of dollars. Which led us to the discussion, would you sell your eggs (or in his case, sperm) for thousands of dollars, and have the possibility that you have children out there, somewhere, that you'll never know about? (We stopped before getting to the awkward stage of discussing whether or not he would donate sperm to me if I still didn't have children when the tick tock of my biological clock gets out of control.)

This is the long way of asking WWBD if broke and needed cash and had perfectly good eggs?

WWBD: Birthday Edition!!

My cousin (a fellow singleton) turned 30 a couple of months ago. She told me later that she cried after opening her first birthday card. Getting older seems to be more depressing for us singletons than smug marrieds. However we all get older (except for my Grandma who is 39) so we have to accept this and stay strong. You may ask "What would Bridget do on her birthday?" Well here is a step by step guide.

1. Wait "patiently" for a gift/card from her imaginary boyfriend.
2. Check to see if card got misplaced (perhaps under a doormat).
3. Talk to neighbors to see if they mistakenly got her mail.
4. Call an emergency meeting with her singleton friends at a bar to discuss her fuckwit "boyfriend" forgetting her birthday.
5. Get drunk.
6. Declare that she is a woman of substance, complete without boyfriend.
7. Hoorah for Singletons!!
8. Sing "All by myself" on the floor of bathroom while worrying about her spinsterhood rapidly approaching.

Hopefully your birthday ends better than Bridget's this year!! Please follow steps 6 and 7 (and also step 4 if necessary)...your therapist would likely not approve of the other steps.

WWBD about impending spinsterhood during the holiday season?

The holiday season is quickly approaching. This time of the year can be especially hard for us singletons. (Smug marrieds are in their prime and your family probably wants to know why you are still single.) You may be wondering “What would Bridget do if she was single and alone over the holidays?”

1. Do not allow smug marrieds to address you with an air of superiority. Mingle and flirt at holiday parties. If a smug married draws attention to your impending spinsterhood, point out the freedom this allows. Singletons are not encumbered by in-laws. We don’t have to worry about spending Christmas with “his” family when we’d rather be with ours!
2. There is strength in numbers. Meet with your single friends at a bar* and have a singleton peep rally of sorts. Hoorah for Singletons!
3. Get a bottle of wine (or two). Drink it.* Write the Christmas cards you have been putting off to all your friends. (For best results follow this suggested order…however, you may want to write to your Grandmother and Barack Obama at another time.) This is also a fun activity to do with a friend.
4. Allow yourself a night of self pity. It is OK on occasion!
5. Make a list of empowering, feminist New Years resolutions. Break every one.

*Please do not drink irresponsibly.