Saturday, February 28, 2009

Spooning can be hazardous

I enjoyed this video so I thought I would share....

"The sport of cuddling is fun for everyone involved but what happens when you lose circulation to your limbs? Rather than taking away from your time together, consider a few alternative cuddling positions."

Friday, February 27, 2009

Book Review: 101 Things to do Before you Turn 40

I picked up this book (by Kristin McCracken) on a whim while at the library the other day, and was pleasantly surprised by all the things I've done, even though I won't reach 40 for well over a decade. Here's a few highlights; things I've done, things I've been meaning to do, and things I refuse to do, no matter how many books tell me to do so.

  • Make out with the best man- Never done it, as I have been to shockingly few weddings, and had a long-term boyfriend with me at the ones I have been to. I do have a wedding coming up this year, though. I'll be sure to pack the breath fresheners.
  • Karaoke- Has been on my "to do" list for awhile. I'll probably need more than one cosmo before the fact.
  • Scuba dive- No. Uh-uh. This is going to sound weird, but I'm afraid of fish. Therapy may have to be involved before I do this one.
  • Remove it- We're talking about hair here, and as soon as I have a spare couple of thousands of dollars, I'm taking it to the derm, who will finally get rid of all that unwanted body hair. Free at last!
  • Rent the classics- I just checked out Breakfast at Tiffany's from the library the other day, a friend and I took in Roman Holiday at an old movie theather, and the ex-IB and I discovered together that we both love Casablanca but hate A Streetcar Named Desire. Excellent start.
  • Accentuate the positive- The author and I are on the same page with this one, and I think it's especially true now when so many of us don't have a job. She hits the nail on the head by asking, "It nothing good is happening in your life, then whose fault is that?" (In case you're wondering, the answer is you.)
  • Go to Paris- Ah, Paris. Easily one of my favorite cities in the world. Yes, I have been there before, but with my mother. While we had a fantastic time, I do hope to go back one day with a lov-ah. Or at least find a lov-ah while I'm there.
  • Master a mass-transit system, but know how to hail a taxi- In my opinion, this one is big. I know I'm not the norm, but I've used dozens of public transit systems around the world. I know I can fly to any city in the world, and get to my destination all by myself, and if that destination is English-speaking? Cake! Even if you're not a globe-trekker, it's so much easier to visit that friend in the city and be able to take off on your own, rather than rely on him/her to play tour guide.
  • Vibrate- Sex toy parties are all the rage, so this one shouldn't be too tricky to accomplish.
  • Boycott February 14- Yes! Another member of the revolution!
  • Kiss the Frogs- Yes, we're all looking for Prince Charming, but in order to do so? You've got to kiss some frogs first. And have fun doing it.
  • Go to a movie alone- I do this one all the time. I don't find too many things more annoying than someone talking to me while I'm in a movie theater, so going alone is perfect. It's especially great on a weekday afternoon; there are usually only 3-4 other people in the theater, and they are most likely alone too.
  • Lose gracefully- This is a tough one. If I took a Friends personality test, I would most likely be Monica (although I don't clean and organize obsessively). I am ultra-competitive, from mini-golf to bowling to Scrabble.
  • Sleep under the stars- Repeat after me: Sleeping in an RV (or anything with stairs) is not camping.
  • Have a male friend- Ah, yes. We recently asked if this was possible in a recent Question of the Week, and while the author does admit it can be tricky, she also points out that there are always exceptions.
  • Learn to tango- I took a few tango lessons in Argentina (because I go straight to the source!), but this is one dance I really want to master. It's just so damn sexy.
  • Go somewhere that makes people scratch their heads- I've done this one over and over, and I highly recommend it. I started young, as our family rarely ever just went on a "beach" vacation, but traveled all over the country, just going to new places (with tent and other camping equipment in tow). Then, while I was in high school, we went to Iceland over the Thanksgiving holiday, which really had people scratching their heads. And look at the trend we started! Iceland is THE hot European destination these days.
  • Figure out what you want to be when you grow up- Good luck with this one.

So what's on your list of things to do before you turn 40? Or your Bucket List for that matter.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Great Sexpectations

Oh, Hanging Out Guy.
He's super nice, funny and cute. He dresses well enough, smells good, and looks good in a baseball hat. He's always up for doing anything, even with just my friends. He even remembers their names and that Lisa had a birthday last week. His apartment is clean, he takes good care of pets, and he even let me name one of his fish in his huge immaculately clean tank (Her name is Princess Consuela). We've watched Office marathons, walked the dog on a beach, and make an amazing fooseball team together.
So here's the kicker, the kid has never tried to make a move on me.

I'm talking nothing. Forget second base, he's barely rounded first. We've made out a couple times, but I'm pretty darn sure I initiated that. I feel like we've spent enough time together now that this is just getting strange. And for a guy that's actually a year older than me, in this aspect, I kind of feel like I'm hanging out with a teenage boy. One who's cool, but kind of awkward when it comes to this stuff.

So, what gives? Is he just not that into me, or not that into girls? Are we just friends, with occasional benefits, or just friends period? Am I supposed to jump him and make him see the light, or just continue on this strange path? A little help, please???

Monday, February 23, 2009

First Date: The Engineer

A couple of weeks ago I decided to try match.com. As you may recall in my previous post, I was talking to a nerdy, outdoorsy guy with a dog. (I’m still working on an alias for him but for now we will call him the Engineer.) After talking with the Engineer for about two weeks, we arranged to meet for dinner at a pub he suggested. While it is hard to really know what a guy will be like in person, I was optimistic going into the date based on our emails and the phone conversation the night before.

I was a little nervous at the beginning of the date but the conversation flowed smoothly and I quickly forgot to be nervous and just enjoyed the evening. I’ve been on quite a few first dates in the last year (and no second dates) and the contrast between the dates gives me a better perspective on what constitutes as a good or bad first date. In this case, I’d definitely say that it was a good date. We were at the pub for almost 3 hours and with the exception of the brief lull after an old drunk man feel backward off of his bar stool and hit his head on a table nearby (what is the proper reaction to that?), there were virtually no awkward pauses and our conversation was informal rather than a bunch of dead end questions.

At the end of the date I told the Engineer that I wasn’t sure how to get home from where we were. He called later to make sure that I’d made it OK and said he had a good time. He has emailed me twice since the date and in the last email he said “I am terrible at first dates....are we going to go out again if I ask you (eventually...)?” I’m guessing this means he wants to see me again but is a little insecure? (I will say that "eventually" seems a little too infinite for my tastes.)

A couple of things I like about the Engineer: (1) he shares my appreciation for The Office, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report; (2) he is an Obama fan and thinks Sarah Palin is an idiot (while acknowledging that this has nothing to do with gender); (3) he loves animals; (4) he says what he thinks but admits when he is wrong; (5) I don’t feel any of my normal post date anxiety.

I’m going to keep talking to the other guys I’m communicating with on match but I probably won't meet any of them until I see how this pans out. (I admit that I’m not good at focusing on more than one guy at a time.)

WWBD: Eradicating fuckwittage one man at a time

One of our purposes with this little blog is to support the eradication of fuckwittage. The most effective way to get rid of fuckwittage is to simply tell it like it is. This includes cases where the fuckwittage is not being committed against us. We cannot simply stand idly by and watch the atrocities of a fuckwitt play out before us and do nothing to help our fellow ladies. (Because no matter what the media tries to tell us, we are NOT in competition with each other. Like the song from HSM, we're all in this together!)

My opportunity to take a stand came yesterday, while cooking dinner with my ex-imaginary boyfriend. I asked him for an update regarding his previous female troubles (not menstrual cramps, but the fact that he liked a girl whose best friend liked him, he had to let down the best friend). This was a few months ago now. He still hasn't done a single darn thing toward asking out the first girl. The problem being the fact that they are friends, he is sure the first girl won't go out with him for fear of betraying her friend. This is a very real possibility, but from what he told me he really, really likes this girl. I think he has to at least let her know this. Otherwise, he'll always wonder what could have been.

We lamented the fact that they were friends, and that life would be so much easier for them if they were strangers. Then, (without really thinking about what I was saying) I blurted out, "Well, maybe it is easier for you this way. If they weren't friends, then you might actually have to do something about it instead of just sitting back and doing nothing." Or something to that effect.

Sha-ZAM!

Initially, he looked stunned. Then we did a way-lame "Oh, no you did-n't," "Oh yes I did" thing back and forth. Luckily, he knows I'm going to tell it to him like it is. We wouldn't be friends if he couldn't handle the truth; this isn't the first time I've put him in his place. I know he chewed on that all night, and probably most of the day too. Just trying to do my part. What have you done lately?

Thursday, February 19, 2009

We're All in This Together!

Grayer and I have a secret. But before I spill the beans, let me just say that we are both well-educated, mature (sometimes), well-rounded adults. We both read books, sometimes really fat ones, enjoy traveling the world, and I for one enjoy the occasional pretentious foreign film.

We also happen to be closet High School Musical fans.

Yes, that High School Musical. (HSM for those in the know.) The one with the singing and the dancing and the almost kissing. It all started innocently enough. During a weekend visit, I picked the original up at the library claiming I just "wanted to see what all the fuss was about." It was a good time. The singing, the dancing, the dreamy teen sensation.... Then over Christmas we netflix'd HSM2. More dancing! More singing! And this time they actually kissed!

But then HSM: Senior Year came out in theaters, and we were faced with a dilemma. We couldn't actually go see it in the theater. Before, we simply checked it out of the library (for free) and added it to the netflix que. We were completely innocent in that we didn't actually make a plan to go to the theater at a specific time and pay $10 to see it. We're not ready to come out of the closet just yet.

We're not alone, however. When the movie came out in October, I found this article about other adult fans, many of them asking their friends if they could borrow their children to take to the theater. (I pause to take a sip out of my HSM hologram cup, a gift from G herself.)

Is this a phenomenon of the 21st century? Adults being fans of pop culture originally meant for children, that is. Just recently, we had the Twilight moms, and I myself was at a midnight premiere, courtesy of tickets I purchased 10 days ahead of time. And how did I get into Twilight in the first place? As a way to get over the end of Harry Potter, thank you very much. And you better believe I will be at the theater (preferably IMAX) at midnight on July 17. I think this one looks like it could be the best movie yet.

Grayer and I still haven't seen Senior Year. Oh, we'll watch it eventually, but right now we're in different states. We couldn't possibly watch it alone. I admit, it's way past time to let go of all my 80s cartoon paraphernalia. Those Strawberry Shortcake pajama pants just aren't sexy. But I'm not giving up my HSM hologram cup.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Question of the Week: Eggs for sale

I moved over the weekend. Finally, I'm back in my favorite city (also the best city in the country for singletons! Hurrah! Am no longer social pariah to be looked upon with pity!) and also happen to live a mere 10 minutes from my ex-imaginary boyfriend.

I saw him tonight for the first time in over a year. Very happy to report that no old feelings crept up. Instead, I just looked at him like a very, very good friend. It was apparent that we are definitely comfortable with our "just friends" status when, discussing my current unemployed status, he mentioned that I could sell my eggs for literally thousands of dollars. Which led us to the discussion, would you sell your eggs (or in his case, sperm) for thousands of dollars, and have the possibility that you have children out there, somewhere, that you'll never know about? (We stopped before getting to the awkward stage of discussing whether or not he would donate sperm to me if I still didn't have children when the tick tock of my biological clock gets out of control.)

This is the long way of asking WWBD if broke and needed cash and had perfectly good eggs?

Sunday, February 15, 2009

S.A.D.: A reflection

Single's Awareness Day (if you didn't know you're single, you do now) is a revolution taking over the country (ok, maybe just taking over my groups of friends). But this non-holiday should come with a few warnings, which some of us learn the hard way. Here's how I spent my SAD and here is what I learned.

My friend Lisa, who I will now refer to as "8-year-Lisa," was all depressed because surprise, surprise, her loser long distance boyfriend didn't do anything for her for Valentine's day. This is kind of her fault since she sort of told him not to, and then she sent him something, making her feel doubly miserable.
Warning: Do not pretend to not care about Valentine's day, when you actually do care about Valentine's day. You are ensuring disappointment.

Because I'm an awesome friend, I decided to boost her spirits by having people over to my place for a night of boardgames and chocolate martinis (nothing lifts spirits like our beloved chocolate in an intoxicating form). I admit I even drove 15 min to find a liquor store that was still open. It was an emergency!

While we were out, I get a call from my Hanging Out Guy, he had stopped by my apartment and left me something on his way to his friends house. Dammit.
Warning: Firm non-believers of Valentine, should always nonchalantly slip into casual conversation several days in advance that they are in fact, firm non-believers of Valentine. It would prevent awkwardness.
This immediately made me extremely uncomfortable, as I happened to be in Walmart seeing all the paraphernalia, and starting to sweat. Honestly, the blinding pink crap looked like Cupid vomited in the aisles. (Although I did enjoy seeing husbands desperately scanning the shelves at 8 o'clock that night). I forbade Lisa from speaking of this ever again, and silently resolved, that if there was a red stuffed animal of any kind sitting at my door, then I would never see him again.

It was just a box of chocolates. The heartshaped box was unfortunate, but I like chocolate. I decided I could handle, and it went perfectly with my chocolate martinis. (But does it make me a bad person that I'm glad I wasn't there to receive that gift?) It didn't take long for 8-year-Lisa to realize what had just happened. A guy I'm casually seeing did something for me, but her long term boyfriend did nothing for her.
Warning: If a firm nonbeliever receives an unwanted/unneeded gift on Valentine's, do not let the pretending nonbeliever friend with an idiot of a boyfriend become aware of said gift. It will only lead to more disappointment and awkwardness.

The chocolates were passed around all night, and none remain. Playing Cranium with friends (including my new favorite couple) left us rolling on the floor laughing and I slept well in a chocolate/alcohol induced coma. Can't wait for next year.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Playlist: Single's Awareness Day

This years SAD playlist is designed to allow you a few moments to feel sorry for yourself, followed by a sense of feminist pride, then finally, an opportunity to just dance it out.


All By Myself- Celine Dion
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)- Amanda Seyfried
Where is My Love- Cat Power
Miracle- Cascada
Overdue- Bitter:Sweet
Holding Out for a Hero- Bonnie Tyler
Hello- Lionel Richie
We Get On- Kate Nash
Wake Up Alone- Amy Winehouse
Girls Just Want to Have Fun- Cyndi Lauper
Mr. Brightside- The Killers
Get Gone- Fiona Apple
Keeps Gettin' Better- Christina Aguilera

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Online Dating Round Two

After a brief hiatus I have decided to try online dating again. My previous experience was with eharmony. While I like the concept of eharmony, the delivery was sadly lacking. The problem with eharmony is that you enter it blindly without knowing how many people in your area actually use the service. Unfortunately I discovered that the guys in my area were very limited.

This time I’m trying match.com on the suggestion of a couple of my friends. My main objection to this is privacy. Anyone can signup and without paying see your profile and pictures. This is of course also a benefit because you can scope out your options before paying. One of my new friends from meetup also signed up for match.com recently. I think that it will be fun to experience this with someone else. We can compare stories and advise each other on the men we are communicating with. I will of course also be consulting Violet from time to time as always but it will be nice to have the perspective of someone else who is going through the same thing.

The nature of these dating services is that you WILL be contacted by some objectionable men. It can get to be quite time consuming to correspond with all the guys who contact you. My general rule is that if I am disgusted by even the thought of meeting a guy, then I say no thanks. This basically rules out the old men, babydaddies, illiterate, and guys that imply they are looking for a hookup in their profiles. (Yes Violet I know that you think that I should talk to all of them but I feel that this is setting the bar quite low!)

So far there are two guys that have definite potential, both living within an hour drive of me. The first guy contacted me and after a couple of emails and chatting through the website I gave him my email address (all of this occurred within one day). The following day he emailed me 6 times with short messages. The guy seems really nice but I have to say I was wondering if it was normal that a guy would want updates on how my day is going every few hours. I'm guessing that means that he is just that into me?

I initiated contact with the second guy, who is an engineer. We have emailed back and forth a couple of times and seem to have a lot in common. My impression based on his profile and pictures is that he is a bit nerdy but outdoorsy and has a dog (all good things). A little nerd is good for you, right Violet? He is a redhead and reminds me of my brother in some way.

One of the other guys that contacted me has a picture of an older lady sitting in his lap. I’m guessing it is his mother. While I did respond to him, I have to question the judgment of a guy who posts a picture of himself with a woman in his lap whether it is his mother or Mrs. Robinson.

I'll let you know how it goes!

First date do's and don't's

I don't read Cosmo; I preferred the now defunct Jane. Yes, I occasionally pick it up at the dentist's office or flip through it while waiting for a friend to get ready, but I don't read it religiously every month. I find that it only succeeds in making me feel incredibly imperfect. I don't look like any of the women in the magazine (who apparently never break out, even during their period), the amazingly cheap bargains still sound a bit expensive if you ask me, and I see far less action than the average "Cosmo girl."

That being said, I stumbled upon this article online, (read it!) written by Cosmo, on how to rock the first date. For the most part, I agree with what they have to say in this particular article (particularly on which foods not to order, more on that later), but I have an issue with their advice to "go a little wild" and "flaunt your fearless personality." What if you are not wild and don't have a fearless personality? Are you supposed to develop a passion for skinny-dipping in the town square fountain in order to get a second date? Streaking down Main Street to ensure he'll call you? (I don't know why, but when I hear "wild" and "fearless" together, I automatically assume public nudity is involved.) That's all I have to say about that.

On the flip side, I totally agree with the following list of what NOT to order at dinner on your first date. (My comments in parentheses).

1. A messy plate of spaghetti with tomato sauce (I don't think I need to explain this one to you)
2. Escargots with butter and garlic (a. It's the most expensive thing on the menu. Even if you've found a date with deep enough pockets to take you out to a restaurant that even serves escargots, it will only make you look like you're after his money. b. Garlic. You want a good night kiss, don't you?)
3. Deep-fried anything (Grease isn't hot)
4. A salad with low-fat dressing on the side (He obviously didn't ask you out because he's into super models, so don't eat like one.)
5. Three-bean chili (Could you imagine anything more mortifying?)
6. Barbecued chicken wings (Sometime in the future, you may want him to lick sauce off of you, but your first date shouldn't be the time.)

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Film Review: He's Just Not That Into You

Upon first hearing that there was going to be a movie version of HJNTIY, I thought how are they going to pull that off? The good news is, they did pull it off. And very well.

The story follows a pretty large cast on their dating adventures, each one in the middle of a relationship phase featured in the book. One couple is in a 7-year relationship (he's not marrying her), another girl is sitting by the phone (he's not calling her), then she thinks her friend is really into her (but he's not dating her), one guy is in love with his female friend (but she's not sleeping with him), while the female friend is seeing a married man (he's married, and to his wife, he's sleeping with somebody else).

One of the highlights was listening to Gigi (the one who's not getting called) getting advice from her guy friend, who tells her to stay away from guys who aren't interested in her. You mean I'm not supposed to date guys who don't like me? There's not going to be anybody left! Funny, because we've all been there. Staying with the guy who's just not that into us because who else is there?

What makes the movie so good is the same thing that makes the book so good. The encouragement to get away from the guy who's not into you so you can find the guy that is.

I just might

It's true. I've been committing the cardinal sin of dating, which is not dating but hanging out. And I'm still feeling fine about it. Instead of analyzing if he's just that into me (which I'm not entirely sure of), I've been trying to figure out if I'm that into him. Here's the verdict: I just might be. I just might like him.

The other night he was down with joining me and 4 of my friends for dinner and a hockey game. Considering how intimidating that can be, he did quite well with dining with total strangers. (I believe how a guy acts around your friends is very telling). Point for him. Since hockey is the one sport I don't know very well, I could ask him questions. Although I rarely need an education in any sport, I could sense that men enjoy explaining rules. I may give this practice another try in the future. As most of my hockey knowledge comes from movies, I was psyched when he got all of my Mighty Ducks references. Two points for him. (He even understood when I thought a player was gearing up for a knuckle puck!).

Last night I went to his place to hang out with him and a couple of his friends. It was a lot of fun and I found that he's funnier than I originally thought. Point for him. The evening ended in some good old fashion making out (Oh Action, how I've missed you) and I'd definitely be willing to do that again. Another point for him. So yes, I just might be into him.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Saved by the Bell...

During tonight's episode of Grey's Anatomy, I asked myself this question: Am I the only woman in the world who is cringing at the thought of being proposed to in a roomful of red roses, candles and (gag) a bed of rose petals arranged in a heart shape?

Maybe I'm missing some sort of romance gene, but if you ask me, that doesn't say romance to me, it screams cliche. It's been done over and over and over and over again. How is that romantic?

If I had my pick, I'd go with the guy whose wife ran over him with the car (thanks to her brain aneurysm). He proposed in the supermarket. That is soooo much more romantic. How? you ask. It's spontanious, that's how. He didn't plan it. He didn't rip off an idea from every chick flick he's ever been forced to watch. He was standing in the supermarket and knew that he wanted to marry her, and couldn't even wait until they got to the check out line to let her know it. *Swoon*

Lucky for you, McDreamy, your ex-wife called at what seemed to be the most inopportune time. This gives you second chance. Don't blow it.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Liberation at last

Someone wrote, "Be the change you want to see in the world" on a bathroom stall at the bar (yes, it was a hippie bar). It made me think, I am going to be the change, so here I am to start the Revolution of celebrating Single's Awareness Day. We've mentioned this day that we so firmly believe in before, but I want you to know why we celebrate this rather than Valentine's day. So join us, be the Revolution...

It's February. We all know what that means. Valentine's day does not sneak up on a girl, it looms. Fear not ladies, liberation has come. WWBD? does not only not celebrate this silly "holiday," we simply do not believe in it. Period.

No, we are not angry bitter singles trying to take a stand against a made up holiday that only reaffirms our debilitating loneliness. (Oh, puh-lease). We're self-righteous singletons even when we're not single. This has been a firm belief that has spanned years and boyfriends. Here's why:

  • Can you say commercialism? Why does "love" have to be in the form of red and pink hearts? In overpriced bouquets? In little teddy bears that say "I wuv you beary much"? In ridiculously priced jewelry and candy? I'm not quite sure who St. Valentine was, but I'm pretty sure he'd be appalled at his holiday. It's just coporate America making you feel obligated to buy a new dress, eat a the fanciest restaurant you can afford, and basically buy the love of the one you're with. Oh, and judge the one you're with for buying you that gift from the gas station on his way over. We may be in an economic crisis, but I'm sorry, I just don't want that halogram bear shaped balloon or that rose shaped condom.
  • You don't need a holiday to show someone you love them. If you really truly love someone, you can show them how much you care every single day. Buying presents and spending money doesn't say love. Actions do. Simple things that say "I was thinking of you" or "I knew you'd love this." I much rather receive handpicked wildflowers in summer than overpriced roses in February. I'd rather he cook me dinner sometime, then take me out along with every other couple in America. Instead of buying me heartshaped chocolates, I want him to be at the grocery store one day and buy pistachios because he knows I've been craving them for weeks.
  • Candy makes you fat. I don't know about you, but in February I'm still trying to drop those holiday pounds/keep my resolution of losing weight. Don't tempt me by showing your "love" with artificially colored/flavored sweets. Do you not know me but at all?
  • It's a holiday made up by men. Yes, it's women who obsess over it and are upset when their husbands forget. But I can almost guarantee that it was men (most likely businessmen who were looking to make a few bucks) that came up with this day of love. Think about it, they have to be sweet and romantic for one day, and the rest of the year they can be complete arses. We've probably let them off the hook so many times because they've come through on February 14th. All they have to do is spend some money and boom, they're guaranteed sex with the possibility of slutty lingerie. What a deal. Break out the condom roses.
  • Smug marrieds adore it. Because I hate everything smug marrieds live for, I cannot support this holiday. It's just another way they can be all smug and married in our faces, and ask us several times if we have any plans for the evening. Like we need that.

No special plans necessary. No staying in with Ben & Jerry needed. It's liberating to be a nonbeliever. Join the movement.

It's that time of year again...

I am now taking requests for a Singles Awareness Day (SAD) playlist. Please give me any and all suggestions!