Question of the Week: When is a date a date?

If I'm going to be stuck in the office waiting to meet up with friends then I may as well put my time to good use!

Over lunch a couple days ago I was discussing the WW situation with a work friend. NB: this entry is not about WW. I am not over obsessing. The conversation about him was merely the catalyst for this entry. My work friend said that WW and myself are going on a date on Sunday. I said it wasn't a date. She asked why it wasn't a date. I said because if I think it's a date and then nothing date-like happens I'll feel disappointed and stupid. "Besides," said I, "we're just friends going to the cinema. How is that a date?" Work friend retorts: "You're a girl. He's a boy. You kissed last time you met up. Now you're going to the cinema. It's a date." Hmmm...this got me thinking. Now I'm still insisting that Sunday is not a date, but, when is a date a date?

I raised this issue with Vi last night during a quickie skype conversation. I thought that Vi would be able to give me a straightforward answer as she is very wise. However, she was unable to. It would appear that defining a date is very murky territory.

Firstly, we have geographical issues. The idea of what constitutes a date probably differs between the US and the UK. The US is way bigger on 'dating' that over here. Dating over here pretty much consists of getting drunk and kissing someone and then possibly meeting up with them later. Sound familiar...? Seriously though, US dating seems to be much more about seeing each, then having THE CONVERSATION, etc. Then we have regional geographical issues. Vi very rightly commented that she lives in the south. This equals the southern gentleman. So if a southern gentleman were to act in what other people might think of as a 'dating fashion' this might not be the case, it might be because he's just a southern gentleman.

Secondly, we have dating behaviour issues. Vi and I agreed that if the guy pays (or at least offers to pay) then that's a date. Which means that you might not be able to tell if it's a date until you're actually on the date. It also means that the first time I had lunch with Fergus it wasn't a date...

Thirdly, we have venue/activity issues. It would appear that the general consensus is that going for drinks with a guy doesn't necessarily equal a date. But, going to the cinema? Date. Yet no one is able to confirm why this is. Surely drinks is more date like as you have to talk to each other? Another work friend commented that if it's drinks/dinner and the cinema then it's "so a date."

Thoughts? This is just for fun. You can't go round obsessing every time you meet up with a guy if it's date. That's not healthy. If you are however left wondering whether your planned meet up with a guy is a date I shall leave you with some words of wisdom from yet another work friend (it became quite a big discussion in our department this afternoon): if you're meeting up with a guy and you're not sure it's a date, imagine that you had a boyfriend. (Are you imagining?) Now, think of where you and your guy friend are going (i.e. cinema / drinks / the zoo). Do you think your boyfriend would be happy / comfortable with this? (Obviously this would vary depending on how possessive your imaginary boyfriend is). If the answer is no. It's a date.

Question of the Week: The Walk of Shame?

Last weekend, after having a few beers over a game of Scrabble, Conrad (yes, that Conrad) spent the night at our house. (Oh, action, how I've missed you). My roommate, Lisa and I had to get up early so when we had left the house he was groggily getting out of bed. We said good morning to the neighbors as we drove away. Apparently about 5 minutes later, Conrad walks out the front door. Our neighbors had multiplied since we left, standing around drinking coffee. One shouts from across the street, "Good Morning Conrad! Have a great day!" as he gets into his car. It's important to point out that not only are these my neighbors, half of them are my family. Can you say awkward?

So maybe walk of shames don't usually involve the other person's aunt and uncle, but they're usually awkward just the same. There's nothing like walking home in the same clothes as the night before, hair looking as though something could be living in it, even if there's nothing to be ashamed of. Conrad's experience inspired me to search for walk of shame stories because A) it was awkward B) it was funny and C) we've all been there. So lets hear it ladies, what was your "best" Walk of Shame?

Question of the Week: Top 5 fictional dreamboats

Since none of us seem to have anything going on at the moment, this seems like the perfect time to bring back the Question of the Week. In January, we asked for your Top 5 celebrities, and they had to be real people. But now, we want to know your Top 5 fictional characters. This means that they aren't necessarily the sexiest men alive, but are absolutely perfect, since they are in fact fictional. I suspect the three of us will have very similar lists.

Question of the Week: Defining the relationship

Things are still going good with The Engineer. I listened to the advice of the WWBD advisement board (aka Violet and Grayer) and made him cookies for his birthday. They seemed to go over well! I’ve been seeing him twice a week for the last few weeks and basically talking to him daily through either the phone or email since we met in February. (He actually told me “it would be nice to see you more than once per week!” a couple of weeks ago…I didn’t know guys were capable of such openness!) The other guys I’ve dated I always either found myself annoyed that the guy didn’t call when he said he would or the other extreme, wishing he would leave me alone so I could relax/hang out with friends. One of the things I really like about The Engineer is that he seems to understand when to call but also when not to call. For example, I was visiting one of my old friends the other weekend who just went through a bad breakup and he understood that this was time I set aside for my friend.

Anyway, with some encouragement from one of my friends, I decided to invite The Engineer to a meetup activity next weekend. After asking him I realized that, as we have not defined the relationship, I don’t know what to introduce him as to my meetup friends, some of which don’t know that I’m dating anyone. The thing is that I’m pretty sure that he isn’t dating anyone else either. I talk to him frequently enough that I basically know what he is up to every night and maybe even in more detail than is necessary. (While I can certainly stomach it, I don’t really need to know the consistency of your dog’s poo!)

So I guess this Question of the Week has two parts. First, when is it appropriate to have this discussion and is the conversation even necessary? (Like Grayer, I have a friend who had the discussion with her boyfriend, who is now her fiancé, on the third date. On the other hand, I have a friend who dated a guy for several months before he introduced her as his girlfriend and later asked something like “you are my girlfriend right?”)

Secondly, what is your suggested course of action for handling this with The Engineer? Should I introduce the topic for discussion? If I forgo the “defining the relationship” conversation until later, how do I introduce The Engineer to my meetup friends?

Question of the Week: New Year's follow-up

It's March 1, which seems a good time to reassess those New Year's Resolutions (whether we believe in them or not) and check out progress.

As for mine...

I will...
-get a job. A real one, with health insurance. (Preferably in the first two months of the year.)
Not only did I get a job, I got three, and the two major ones were on the very last day of the second month of the year. Talk about bringing it down to the wire. None of them offer benefits, but I think I can take care of that. I would really enjoy the freedom of spraining my ankle or accidentally cutting myself in the kitchen and being able to go to the ER for that.
-buy new underwear, as has been so long since anyone saw my underwear, it is probably all out of style
As soon as I get that first paycheck, I'm going out on a true panty raid. I really think there is something to be said about underwear feng shui.
-find a way to tame the frizzies in my hair
Turns out it wasn't completely impossible (but I haven't yet gone through the southern summer). With a bit of a haircut, a combination of SunSilk anti-poof shampoo and captivating curl leave-in creme, (or straighten-up conditioner, a hair dryer and flat iron if I want to go straight) my hair actually looks pretty damn good. I know so because a hair snob friend of mine told me so, and she is brutally honest about that sort of thing.
-say yes to all date offers, no matter what my initial opinion of the offerer
I'm new in town, but now that I have employment and will soon have new panties, I will get started on this one ASAP.

I will not..
-have any imaginary boyfriend, but instead form a functional, two-sided relationship with a real member of the opposite sex (therefore having a purpose for the new knickers)
I've been hanging out with my imaginary ex a lot, but it's strictly platonic on every possible level. Besides, in the year+ that I've been gone, he's become quite the social butterfly. I need him to expand my social circle.
-Spend hours analyzing the body language and the "hidden meaning" in the words spoken by eligible bachelors with Scarlet, but instead find various other topics to spend hours talking about, like, um... politics?
I think we're making excellent progress on this one.
-not get angry with mum when she asks me stupid questions like, "Have you changed your sheets lately?" as if I am an 8-year old incapable of taking care of myself, but instead use it as an opportunity to find my inner zen-like qualities
Moving to a different state definitely improved this one drastically.
-judge eligible bachelors by the number of tattoos or holes in their bodies, academic credentials, political beliefs, or their baseball team of choice, but rather be open and simply grit my teeth while they list all the reasons why Derek Jeter is a "true Yankee."
This is still a work in progress, but thanks to A-Rod, Jeter has not had a chance to annoy me at all this spring. Progress!

Question of the Week: Eggs for sale

I moved over the weekend. Finally, I'm back in my favorite city (also the best city in the country for singletons! Hurrah! Am no longer social pariah to be looked upon with pity!) and also happen to live a mere 10 minutes from my ex-imaginary boyfriend.

I saw him tonight for the first time in over a year. Very happy to report that no old feelings crept up. Instead, I just looked at him like a very, very good friend. It was apparent that we are definitely comfortable with our "just friends" status when, discussing my current unemployed status, he mentioned that I could sell my eggs for literally thousands of dollars. Which led us to the discussion, would you sell your eggs (or in his case, sperm) for thousands of dollars, and have the possibility that you have children out there, somewhere, that you'll never know about? (We stopped before getting to the awkward stage of discussing whether or not he would donate sperm to me if I still didn't have children when the tick tock of my biological clock gets out of control.)

This is the long way of asking WWBD if broke and needed cash and had perfectly good eggs?

Question of the Week: Girl crush

Who is your girl crush? (And we know you have one.)

Question of the Week: Top 5

Who is in your Top 5?

You know what I mean, which 5 celebrities would you be given a pass on (if you were actually in a relationship) and be able to sleep with if given the opportunity and your significant other/spouse couldn't hold it against you?

In order to qualify, the celebrity must be a REAL PERSON (Edward Cullen does not qualify, but Robert Pattinson does) as well as alive- sadly, I had to cross Heath Ledger off my list last year- because unless you're Izzie Stevens, you can't have sex with dead people.

Violet's Top 5 (in no particular order)

• Jake Gyllenhaal
• John Krasinski
• Joe Mauer
• Eddie Cahill
• Ryan Gosling/ James McAvoy

Question of the Week: Just friends?

As a single girl who loves the company of male friends, I still don't know the answer to this one.

Is it possible for a single straight woman and a single straight man to be just friends? (No benefits, no sexual tension, no more-than-a-friend feelings)

Question of the week: New Years Resolutions

What are your New Year's Resolutions? While you are brain storming on how to better yourself in the New Year, here are some of my favorite New Year's Resolutions from Bridget Jones's Diary:

I will not...

• Waste money on: pasta makers, ice-cream machines or other culinary devices which will never use; books by unreadable literary authors to put impressively on shelves; exotic underwear, since pointless as have no boyfriend.
• Behave sluttishly around the house, but instead imagine others are watching.
• Fall for any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomaniacs, chauvinists, emotional fuckwits or freeloaders, perverts.
• Get upset over men, but instead be poised and cool ice-queen.
• Have crushes on men, but instead form relationships based on mature assessment of character.
• Sulk about having no boyfriend, but develop inner poise and authority and sense of self as woman of substance, complete without boyfriend. as best way to obtain boyfriend.

I will...

• Drink no more than fourteen alcohol units a week.
• Reduce circumference of thighs by 3 inches (i.e. 1 1/2 inches each), using anticellulite diet.
• Give all clothes which have not worn for two years or more to homeless.
• Be more confident.
• Be more assertive.
• Not go out every night but stay in and read books and listen to classical music.
• Go to the gym three times a week not merely to buy a sandwich.
• Make compilation "mood" tapes so can have tapes ready with all favorite romantic/dancing/rousing/feminist etc. tracks assembled instead of turning into drink-sodden DJ-style person with tapes scattered all over floor.
• Form functional relationship with responsible adult.

OK so I like them all and found it difficult to narrow down my list of favorites.

Question of the Week

What are your dealbreakers?

Question of the Week: Bella Swan: Modern Day Juliet?

We here at WWBD? cannot deny that we are Twi-hards (die-hard fans of Twilight and the new breed of vampire). I think it's safe to say that we are all a little in love with Edward (but apparently not as much as we are with Jim Halpert), but the heroine, Bella, is a controversial figure. So I pose this week's Question of the Week:

Is Bella a stereotypical teenage girl, madly in love with her super-hot vampire boyfriend?

or

Is her devotion to said super-hot vampire boyfriend and the fact that she cooks dinner AND washes the dishes for her father every day a giant step backwards for female characters and feminists?

Question of the week

What is your biggest dating pet peeve?

Question of the Week

A new Monday tradition?

Here's a tough one. Who would you choose? And you can only choose ONE.


Edward Cullen from Twilight

OR

Jim Halpert from The Office


Wow, that's a tough one.