Facebook Stalkers

I'm moving in three days time. I'm away for work this weekend. My room is a mess. What else is there to do but blog?

Facebook has a lot to answer for. Mainly, the arrival of Facebook fuckwittage, serious procrastination when writing anything school / college related, causing awkward situations to arise - like Conrad's dad adding you as a Facebook friend, and the ability for stalkers to well, stalk. (Vi, have you ever blogged about your Facebook stalker?) And speaking of Facebook stalkers I thought I would share a funny little story.

Monday night I was round the White Horse's. We were watching TV with his roommate. His roommate was on Facebook and an old friend from school (female) pinged up on his Facebook chat (error #1 - don't have your Facebook chat set to online all the time). He mentioned this to us and said he didn't really want to talk to her. I said that he shouldn't be mean, just chat for a minute or so then make your excuses. The following is the chat that then took place:

Her: Hey, how are you?
Him: Fine thanks, you?
Her: I work at Tesco (UK supermarket chain), not married, no kids. You? (Yes, she volunteered that information)
Him: Divorced. Three times. Don't think I have any kids but you never know do you? Pulled my hamstring. (He thought that a sentence like this, dripping with sarcasm would have some effect)
Her: Fancy meeting up some time? (Subtle)
Him: Yeah, it would be good to get a group of us together from school. (That was my suggestion, I thought she would get the hint)
Her: Cool!! I'll arrange something. What's your number?
Him: It's on my Facebook page. (Error #2 - be wary about having your number on you FB page)

They then send their goodbyes. The White Horse and I were finding this whole conversation pretty funny. The girl was obviously very, very keen and none too subtle. It gets better.

No more than 2 minutes after he signed off Facebook chat...his phone started ringing. She didn't get the hint when he didn't pick up - she left a voicemail saying she couldn't wait for them to meet up.

I hadn't laughed so hard in ages. I tried to feel a bit bad for her, I've been there - you like a guy but he doesn't feel the same way. But relly, she was just a little too keen.

However, as funny as this was, let this be a warning to us all. There are crazy people out there. And they might very well be our Facebook friends...

Fenella needs a plan

I need a plan.

Grayer's plan was excellent. Unfortunately, I cannot use Grayer's plan due to the fact that the national sport over here is soccer. Soccer fans are not baseball fans. Soccer fans are men that during the 9-5 in the office are quite mild mannered creatures but when they get to a soccer game they become cavemen type hooligans who drink and swear and chant. Yes, they chant. And it's not pleasant. I googled 'football chants' to prove my point:

To the tune of Yellow Submarine:

Michael Chopra loves to beat his wife,
loves to beat his wife,
loves to beat his wife.

This is the calibre of men we are talking about here. And then, if their team loses? Well what better way to cope with the humiliation and defeat by trashing whatever pub you happen to walk into first?

To conclude, I can't use Grayer's plan. I need a new plan.

I have tried to go to areas where there may perhaps be some eligible men lurking about. Well maybe not lurking, that wouldn't be terribly attractive.

* I joined my work's softball team. When Vi plays softball she is the flame to the many male moths she plays with. When I play softball I am but a smouldering wet match, if that. I have fun though - I didn't join softball to meet guys, it just would've been nice if it was an added bonus is all.

* I go out to a variety of drinking establishments in a variety of areas of London. Nada. Just your typical British men.

* Now that I know more people in London I have started to meet friends of friends which people say is one of the most common ways of meeting someone. Zilch.

I am aware that I am starting to sound quite bitter, maybe even slightly desperate. I'm really not. I'm just saying that it would be nice if just occasionally I went out one evening or met up with some friends and there was a relatively normal, relatively attractive, relatively funny guy there. I don't think that's asking too much.

What's most annoying is when people ask the question dreaded by all singletons:

"Fenella, why are you still single?"

BECAUSE THERE ARE NO BLOODY DECENT MEN AROUND. AND IF THERE ARE, I CAN'T FIND THEM.

I'm really not desperate. I swear.

Dating Burnout

I’d like to apologize for neglecting WWBD? this past month. Honestly between work, friends, family and the men of online dating I’ve barely even had time to relax. In light of my absence I’d like to give a recap of my adventures of online dating since I last posted.

I can relate to Violet’s pre-first date lack of enthusiasm. I met both The German and The Country Boy in the last few weeks. Prior to these dates I called both Violet and a few other friends for a pep talk. I really did try to psych myself up for the dates. I thought maybe after I made an effort to look cute I’d be more enthused but to no avail I just wasn’t that into them.

The German was up first. I met him at a pub after work, we both ordered beers, and he proceeded to talk about himself. My most common phrases of the evening were “uh huh”, “OK”, and “that’s nice.” I tried several times to change the topic to more common ground but apparently The German was just that into himself. At the point where I might have considered ordering food because I was starving, I decided that I needed to escape. Unfortunately The German had other plans…he ordered a second beer so without being rude I had no choice but to wait till he was done. I left feeling cheated out of a free meal and thinking “I’ll never get those 3 hours of my life back!” I have not heard from The German since and I can't say that I'm disappointed.

For my date with The Country Boy I decided that I needed to plan the date more wisely. I suggested ice cream on a week night. (See I do learn from experience!) I figured you can order another beer but not another ice cream. The date with The Country Boy was moderately better than the date with The German; however, his pictures were clearly from high school. He was nice but I just wasn’t feeling it. The Country Boy emailed me the next day and I graciously turned him down for a second date. I

So here is my problem…at what point does my attempt to be open minded and not too picky go too far? Violet and I discussed this topic over the weekend. The thing is that I think that I’m really putting forth an honest effort. For example, I tell Violet almost everything but I was so determined to give The Engineer a chance that I didn’t admit to Violet that I wasn’t attracted to him to after it was over. (I felt guilty about it and we got along so well that I thought that maybe with time that would change.)

I think there is a point where you just have to admit there are certain things you can’t compromise on. Unfortunately, this leaves me at an impasse. Where have all the fun, educated, eligible bachelors gone?

Getting back in the game...

I decided to be the bigger person and not email The Engineer. One of my friends said by not responding the ball stays in my court. I'm not really sure what I can do with this power at this point but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he hurt me.

Now that it is too late I kind of regret not emailing The Engineer back. I know that it wouldn’t have changed anything but it was all so sudden and I feel like his email robbed me of complete closure. This is going to sound somewhat pathetic but, despite The Engineer being a complete fuckwit at the end, I still kind of miss him. Even if I wasn’t that into him I still really liked him and I had fun with him.

So now that The Engineer is out of the picture I’m back on match in search of a guy I’m not only compatible with but who I’m also attracted to. (By the way, I hate that I’m now comparing other guys to The Engineer.) Within a day or two receiving the email from The Engineer, I updated my profile and contacted a handful of guys. Of course only a couple replied. Here is a roll call of those in the running at the moment:

• The Accidental Date Guy – The weekend after things ended with The Engineer I was trying to make plans for the evening. I was talking to one of my guy friends from meetup group thinking that we were going to invite other people. It wasn’t until the last minute that I realized that he might not have been thinking the same thing. I asked him if I should see if other people wanted to join and he said “no I think we can handle this ;-)”. Crap!! So I went on the “date” and it was fun. However, he was moving out of town in a couple of days and a couple months later he will be moving out of the country for several years. (Plus, I hadn’t thoroughly facebook stalked him and my friend informed me later than he has a toddler.) He did call and text me the day after the date though.
• The German – I have been talking to this guy on match who lives near where I work. He seemed really interesting at first but some of his emails recent emails have been a little boring and his comments make me think that we might not be compatible. As English is not his first language and he seems interested in me, I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt. I suggested meeting and he said he would like that and is free this week. He did lose points suggesting that we meet during the week so that I wouldn’t have to drive up on a weekend. (I commute to work.) Seriously? He could have at least pretended he was willing to meet me half way.
• The Country Boy – The guy contacted me on match. He fishes, hunts, watches Nascar, loves his pickup truck and makes his own furniture. He seems interesting and I’m not entirely opposed to the country boy type but Nascar and hunting definitely aren’t hot.

So here it goes again...dating is so exhausting...

Fuckwittage confirmed

I had complete confidence in The Engineer. He gave me absolutely no reason to doubt him…until now. Last Monday he sent his usual “what does your schedule look like this week” email and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner or have him cook me dinner at his place. After I responded, he suggested a restaurant on my way home so I wouldn’t have as long of a drive. He called the night before the date and we chatted and finalized the details for the date. Looking back everything seemed completely normal. The engineer even emailed me on Friday as if nothing was wrong and explained that he worked late the last two days but there was no apology for canceling the date nor has he called. This of course confused me further.

As you are not quite as emotionally involved, you may have already guessed based on my previous post and my intro…The Engineer committed one of the worst dating sins…the disappearance. (This has been discussed previously by Violet.) The problem with the disappearance is that you are stripped of your right of closure. Even worse is a sudden disappearance. In all of my previous relationships there was a withdrawal period prior to the break up. The withdrawal period gives you a chance to emotionally check out of the relationship so that when the breakup actually occurs it is like shedding a burden rather than a complete surprise.

So all weekend I was feeling shell shocked and somewhat in denial. I tried to keep busy and hung out with friends and family. All this time I was asking myself, “How did this happen? Why won’t he call?” After dating for almost two months and communicating almost daily, I couldn’t believe The Engineer was capable of such complete and utter fuckwittage. I kept thinking to myself, “There must be some mistake!” But I knew deep down that I needed to accept that maybe just maybe The Engineer was a fuckwit disguised as a nice guy.

Yes I know I am a woman of substance, complete without boyfriend. Not only am I awesome but I’m also hotter and younger than The Engineer so this is clearly his loss…so why couldn’t I stop staring at my phone waiting for it to ring?

I broke down and called him on Saturday but after a few rings it went to voice mail. So I sent a text saying that I didn’t know what was going on but it looked like he was blowing me off and I’d appreciate a call. Yet still I got no response! Finally on Sunday evening he emailed me…

[To be continued.]

Missing: Violet's Mojo

It has come to my attention, that I've lost something. Something very, very important in the life of any singleton: my mojo. Once upon a time, I had good mojo. I was single, but I certainly didn't reek of desperation, and I got a fair amount of attention from men. At some point in the last year, my mojo abandoned me. I'm hoping it's just on extended vacation and will return shortly. I blame it on South America (oh my God, what if it's lost somewhere on the continent and can't find it's way home?). Wearing the same practical traveling clothes day in and day out, not showering or washing my hair for extended periods of time will take the mojo right out of you. So throw me a bone here, how do I get my mojo back? I'm attempting to get some back tonight. I put on some scandalous underwear, shaved my legs, (and not just below the knees, either) and am going salsa dancing. If this doesn't work, I don't know what will. Help!