Fenella needs a plan

I need a plan.

Grayer's plan was excellent. Unfortunately, I cannot use Grayer's plan due to the fact that the national sport over here is soccer. Soccer fans are not baseball fans. Soccer fans are men that during the 9-5 in the office are quite mild mannered creatures but when they get to a soccer game they become cavemen type hooligans who drink and swear and chant. Yes, they chant. And it's not pleasant. I googled 'football chants' to prove my point:

To the tune of Yellow Submarine:

Michael Chopra loves to beat his wife,
loves to beat his wife,
loves to beat his wife.

This is the calibre of men we are talking about here. And then, if their team loses? Well what better way to cope with the humiliation and defeat by trashing whatever pub you happen to walk into first?

To conclude, I can't use Grayer's plan. I need a new plan.

I have tried to go to areas where there may perhaps be some eligible men lurking about. Well maybe not lurking, that wouldn't be terribly attractive.

* I joined my work's softball team. When Vi plays softball she is the flame to the many male moths she plays with. When I play softball I am but a smouldering wet match, if that. I have fun though - I didn't join softball to meet guys, it just would've been nice if it was an added bonus is all.

* I go out to a variety of drinking establishments in a variety of areas of London. Nada. Just your typical British men.

* Now that I know more people in London I have started to meet friends of friends which people say is one of the most common ways of meeting someone. Zilch.

I am aware that I am starting to sound quite bitter, maybe even slightly desperate. I'm really not. I'm just saying that it would be nice if just occasionally I went out one evening or met up with some friends and there was a relatively normal, relatively attractive, relatively funny guy there. I don't think that's asking too much.

What's most annoying is when people ask the question dreaded by all singletons:

"Fenella, why are you still single?"

BECAUSE THERE ARE NO BLOODY DECENT MEN AROUND. AND IF THERE ARE, I CAN'T FIND THEM.

I'm really not desperate. I swear.