Well, I sure didn't see that one coming...

I had agreed to go out for a drink with The Highlander tonight for two reasons. 1. I like to do charity work, and 2. to inquire about obtaining his cat for my roommate, who needs a cat to keep her cat company when I move out. I had a few expectations going into the meeting, namely that he would have done absolutely nothing in the year and a half since I've seen him and be kind of sad and lonely. However, before I went out, I scolded myself for having such a low opinion of him and decided that maybe the reason he's moving to New York was that the internet dating site he was working so hard on had really taken off, or that he had met the woman of his dreams and was moving to New York to be with her.

He had arrived at the designated place a bit before I did, and things got off to a generally awkward start, as they usually do with him. We spent the first part of the evening catching up. I found out pretty quickly that he had already given his cat away, which I gave him a really hard time for. He told me it had been a hasty decision to get the cat in the first place, but that when he needed to get rid of it, he should have called me, but as he said, "you weren't speaking to me." Oh, please. As if I owed him something. I also found out that he hasn't done anything with his internet dating site. Of course he hasn't. One thing I've noticed about him is that he starts things and doesn't finish them. And he gets pets and then gets rid of them. I told him not to get anymore pets.

Then things got awkward. He started to apologize to me for how things ended. He wanted to let me know that he has a lot of regrets about how things ended and that I really stand out to him. 'Uh-oh,' I thought, 'would this be a good time to mention the cute neighbor?' Instead, I told him he didn't have anything to apologize about, we just don't have anything in common.

"What do you mean we don't have anything in common?," he asked.

"We don't have anything in common," I said. "Name one thing we have in common."

He paused. "You start."

"Exactly! You can't even name anything we have in common!"

"What are you talking about? We're both... human beings."

I laughed. Out loud. "Human beings? Yeah, you, me, and 6 billion other people!"

This was getting awkward. I mean, human beings? If the only thing you're looking for in a person is that they are a human being, then I'd say you have pretty low standards. He seemed a little flustered, but he continued on: "Well, are you single right now?"

"No."

"Oh." Disappointment? Really? "You have a boyfriend?"

"Yes."

"What do you and this boyfriend have in common?"

Despite how stunned I was that this guy was actually asking me what my boyfriend has that he doesn't, I started rattling off all the things that me and the cute neighbor do together. We watch baseball together, win tailgating competitions together, read the same books, go to the beach and actually have a great time (more on that later), traveling, etc.

"Wow. Well, I guess he has me beat."

"Yes. Yes he does."

I could have also told him that the cute neighbor is a helluva lot smarter, funnier, more interesting, and all around everything that the highlander is not, but I chose not to.

Then he asked me if the cute neighbor was going to London with me. When I explained that no, he was actually taking a job on the west coast, the highlander kept pushing: "See? I'll be closer to you than he will be while you're in London!"

Oh my god. I can't believe this is actually happening. First, this moron wants me to tell him what my boyfriend has that he doesn't. Then, he tries to make a case for himself by claiming that a New York-London distance is better than a West Coast-London distance. THERE IS STILL A FUCKING OCEAN IN BETWEEN! I did not see this coming.

Then he tried to tell me that he's changed ("evolved" is the word he used. Probably because he thinks that using this big word is going to impress me.) and that he's now a baseball fan, and he plays golf, and he goes running. Then he asked me what my favorite baseball team is.

I stared at him. Anyone who has met me for 5 minutes knows my favorite baseball team. I'm not a casual fan. I'm a crazy, screaming, pissed-off-and-in-a-bad-mood-all-day-when-they-lose kind of fan. I asked him if he was serious, then asked for the check.

I went in there expecting him to be sad and lonely, and I found out that he is sadder and lonelier than I thought. I mean, people don't go looking to start long-distance relationships. But hey, we're both human beings, so maybe it could work. Or maybe I would rather spend the evening conversing with a sock puppet.

The Ex Factor

A few weeks ago, I got a totally random, out-of-the-blue email from The Dark Horse. Surprising, yes. Unwelcome, not really. He had recently read a book he thought I might like and wanted to pass it along. I won't turn down a good book recommendation. We passed a couple emails back and forth, just doing a bit of catch-up. I was sure to mention the cute neighbor, just in case he thought I might be down for a hook up. Besides, I had introduced the two of them thinking they could be great friends. I just couldn't understand why the cute neighbor just didn't like him.

That email did not prepare me for the even randomer email I got today. From...

THE HIGHLANDER.

Yeah. When I told Grayer, her response was, The Walkie-Talkie guy? Yes, the Walkie-Talkie guy randomly sent me an email today. Here is what it said,

Violet, let's meet up for a burger again. I'm moving to NY in a few weeks and it would be nice to see you again before I go.

Best, Highlander

Ok, let's break this down. First of all, notice how he said, "let's meet up for a burger again." Not, "hey, I know we haven't spoken in almost 2 years, but would you like to meet up for a drink or something to catch up?" I mean, seriously, we haven't spoken in over a year and a half. First I dumped him while we were at the beach together because I realized I couldn't stand him anymore, and then I told him I didn't want to be friends either, because I realized just how dull and boring he was. (I didn't mention the dull and boring part, of course.) And then he just randomly drops me an email telling me we need to meet up for a burger again.

When I told my roommate about this she said, "I would tell you just to do it, but he's so dull and boring you wouldn't even have fun." Exactly. He's mind-numbingly dull and boring. And there is always the possibility he would make us sit at opposite ends of the restaurant and communicate via walkie-talkie.

Yet, I am considering meeting up with him. Not for a burger. Or dinner. Maybe a drink. Just one. And not because I think he's suddenly come up with something interesting to say. But I really want to know how his cat is doing. Seriously, that was one really, really cute cat.

Seriously, two exes contacting me this close together is a bit strange. Who's next? My college ex whom I haven't spoken to almost 4 years? Because if he emails me out of the blue, I might just shit a brick.

And that my friend, is what they call...closure

There's no judging on this blog, so hear me out.

Recently I've been having the strange urge to get back in touch with Fergus. I know this makes me sounds crazy but again, hear me out.

For those of you who don't know, Fergus is my ex-boyfriend. We met when Vi and I were living in Peru. Fergus and I had a very intense relationship. 2 months after we met I went travelling around South America for 6 weeks. I then went back to Peru, moved in with Fergus and stayed there for 5 more months. On our return to the UK he lived with his parents in Scotland and I was home in England. During this time I began to feel very differently about him and then we had a very awkward 6 weeks in India and Nepal. We broke up as soon as we got back.

After the break-up I began to feel the RAGE. I haven't seen him since. Through Facebook I found out that he is also now living in London. I had to delete him off Facebook. The rage has now dissipated, which is good. I'm now with the White Horse, which is really good so I shouldn't be giving Fergus a second thought right?

Here's the thing. I've been thinking that I should see him again. Obviously not see him in that was, but meet up to chat about things. It's not like I want to dissect our relationship or what went wrong but I feel like I'm missing a little closure. (Friends reference!)

What I find difficult to come to terms with is the fact that I went from being really in love with this guy, honestly thinking I would spend the rest of my life, to not wanting to be with him, to not want him to touch me, in a remarkably short period of time. And I still don't get this. Which irritates me. We shared a lot together and he was the first guy that I lived with and now we don't talk. The problem is that I'm one of these people that finds it difficult to let the past go, and I don't think I've completely let this go. Please understand, I have zero feelings for this guy. Zero.

Never mind. Judge away. I'm crazy.

One Year On

Today is exactly one year since Fergus and I broke up. It kind of took me by surprise that so much time has passed so quickly. It did make me feel a little depressed, after all, we did have a pretty serious relationship and at one point I did honestly think that he was the guy I would stay with for a very, very long time. However, rather than feel down and nostalgic I decided to focus on all the good things that have happened since we broke up, some of which may very well not have happened if we stayed together.

1. I passed my driving test. (Passing your driving test at 23 is a little pathetic but reversing round the corner is hard ok).

2. I got a job. A proper job. In the sector I wanted to work it.

3. I moved to London.

4. I visited Violet.

5. I have started dipping my toes in the vast pool that is dating.

And, most importantly...

6. My dry spell game to an end.

All in all? A very good year.

The curse of the drunk dial

A couple of weeks ago I drank far too much wine. Well maybe it wasn't too much wine but it was too much to drink when all I had eaten that day was a bagel. Smart, Fenella, real smart. So there I am, in a pub having a fully animated conversation with my friend when I got the stupid idea to ring my ex-boyfriend. Don't worry, not ex-boyfriend Fergus but my other ex-boyfriend. We broke up over two years ago, it was amicable and I haven't really thought about him, I certainly don't miss him. So why the decision to call him? Let's blame the wine.

As if drunk dialling my ex wasn't bad enough, it wasn't just a five minute catch up conversation it was at least 20 minutes. The actual amount of time is a little hazy because of, well you know, the wine. And as if a 20 minute conversation wasn't bad enough, the topics of conversation were even worse because of, well you know, the wine. The next morning I text him just to apologise for ringing him when he kindly informed me of what we actually talked about. I thought it was about interviews and jobs. But no. I told him things I should not have told him, mainly things about Fergus. I may have also said that he's good looking. (He is good looking, but I didn't need to tell him that). And there were other things, but I would like to retain some of my dignity let's not go there.

Yes it was a stupid thing to do and yes it was embarassing. But the worst of it is that now my ex keeps contacting me. I've told him to please stop contacting me so much, and that I honestly have no feelings towards him whatsoever. But he's still texting. I hate cell phones sometimes.

The moral of this story? Don't drink when all you've had to eat is a bagel. And if you do, leave your cell phone at home.

Well, that was awkward

A great (albeit, often awkward) part of the holiday season is returning home to see the people you've left behind. Until you see the one that you, literally, left behind: the ex-boyfriend. Let's start at the beginning.

It was my senior year of college. I was fully enjoying being single and had no plans to change that. Of course, when you're truly resistant to even the idea of a boyfriend, every male wants to date you (Why is that? Let's file that away for later). Anti-boyfriend and commitment phobic, it was pure accident that I started seeing this guy (previously of The Taken, of course). He was a lot of fun, but that's where it stopped, I saw no future with him. He did not agree. I warned him from the very beginning that this would go no where, that I would be moving. We seemed to have an understanding, or perhaps just a mutual avoidance of the subject. The end of summer loomed, yet I was too selfish to end things. I'd be moving many hours away but I liked him too much and I didn't want to hurt him. It worked for a little while, we saw each other every few weeks, but I started to change. I was loving grad school, the new area, new friends, and was beginning to crush on new boys. And then he did the unthinkable. He offered to move to be with me (8 hours; 1 year in).

I couldn't allow it. When I came home for Christmas it had been previously decided that this would be the last of us. He was understanding. We both wanted what was best for each other. My reasoning was that he'd never be happy in my new home, it was too different. And more than that, I couldn't let him move because I knew that if he did, I'd never be able to get out of the relationship. How do you break up with a guy that moved states away to be with you? So that was it, we were done. We kept in touch and when I was home again six months later we met up for drinks. Our meeting was fine, not awkward at all, just like old friends. But then, he unfriended me on Facebook (a slap in the face, really) and stopped all other communication as well.

Apparently he no longer wanted to be friends, so I was a little nervous to see him at the bar this Thanksgiving. As the night wore on, we decided to sit down and talk, catch up on our lives. All was well for awhile, but his continuous drafts was causing a depressing drunkenness. And a drunken mind speaks a sober heart. The more he talked, the more questions he asked, the more uncomfortable I became. He missed hanging out with a girl, he hadn't had a girlfriend since me, I apparently made him gun shy, and really f%@&ed him up. He said he missed me and I had no response other than fidgeting in my seat. He asked why I wouldn't let him move with me and I gave him the "you wouldn't be happy there" response. He thought he'd be happy anywhere with me. I fidgeted some more. He thought he'd be over me by now. I looked him in the eyes and apologized, it was the only thing I could do, other than fidget. The awkardness ended in a hug and him saying it would be a bad idea to see each other again. Which was probably true.

On the drive back North, I thought about him a lot. I felt awful that I just randomly showed up and wrecked him again. I just thought he'd be over it by now. I had been selfish and even though I told him it would go nowhere, it was my mistake to let it go somewhere and give him false hope. I don't blame him for not wanting to see me again, I pretty much deserve that. As I truly believe in dating Karma, I fear what this break-up has done for mine. Maybe for every heart that one breaks, one is equally heartbroken. It only seems fair.