Rejection Adjectives

I am no longer a cool aloof ice queen. You may remember my discovery that WW is just not that into me. However, was I smart enough to leave it at that? That would be a no.

I blame wine and technology.

I was out with friends on Friday night. After a bottle (or two) of wine we got discussing WW and the men in our lives. My friend decided that I needed closure. I have no idea why I agreed with her. I guess I just had that scene from Friends stuck in my mind where Rachel leaves Ross a voicemail: "and that my friend is what they call closure." I've always kinda wanted to do that.

Now my drunken self should have been prevented from making a fool out of myself because I had smartly deleted his number from my phone. But my drunken self can be quite canny. I remembered that his number was saved in a Facebook email. And this is where technology is evil. Thanks to the progression of cell phones that were once the size of bricks to fancy new cell phones that can access the world wide web with a touch of a few buttons, well, you can figure out the rest.

His phone number once again installed in my phone I proceeded to text him. Even at this stage it could have ended relatively painless as the first couple of texts were innocent and friendly enough. Then I ruined it.

I said something along the lines of: "Just so you know I don't make a habit of kissing my guys friends...I kind of like you...thoughts?" I have deleted the messages so I'm relying on memory here. I'm sure that you've guessed by now that my drunken text didn't work out like Violet's.

Picture the scene. It's 11.30 on a Friday night. I'm in McDonalds because I decided that I really needed a burger. Burger in one hand, phone in the other I read a text message that went something along the lines of:

"Wow, big question! I know we kissed both times we met up...you're nice but...sorry that's just how I feel."

I'm nice?! This is one of the worst rejection adjectives. Ever. If you're going to hear: "You're _____________ (insert adjective) but..." you don't want nice.

Maybe it's just me. After all why should the choice of rejection adjective matter? But I think it does. If I'm going to get rejected at least let me maintain a little bit of my dignity with a decent adjective.

So what do we think are 'good' rejection adjectives?

And once again ladies I urge you to not drink and text or dial. One of these days I will practice what I preach.

S.A.D. Poetry

In honor of the pink and red "holiday" upon us, I decided to do a poetry lesson with one of my classes today. (Also because I was too lazy to do anything else, and this is a standard lesson I've done several times. I used the "holiday" as an excuse.) While my students were plugging away, I penned a few of my own, in honor of us, and the men that have come in and out of our lives over the last year.

To not settling:

Roses are Red,
Grass is green,
Don't I deserve
To be treated like a Queen?

The Highlander:

Roses are Red,
Violets are blue,
You're so stupid,
You haven't got a clue.

The Dark Horse:

Violets are blue,
Roses are Red,
We would be better
If we just stayed in bed.

For Grayer and Conrad:

Roses are Red,
Funerals are black,
What you two have
Is really whack.

For Welsh Willy:

Roses are Red,
But some are pink,
For not calling Fen,
You really stink!

For Scarlet:

Roses are Red,
Lillies are white,
I'm only looking for
My very own knight.

I could go on and on and on...

Why hello anger, I've been expecting you...

I had the disappointed stage.

I had the hurt stage.

Now I've hit anger.

We've all been there. We get interested in a guy, non-platonic things happen, we think this might lead somewhere and then...nothing.

I've never understood how people can do this to another person. If you're not interested in someone then please don't give them any non platonic indications that you are! It's really not difficult to understand.

What's so frustrating is that this has turned WW into the nicest guy I've met for a long time to a fuckwit. And that is disappointing. Now I feel that we can't even be friends, which I wanted. I said to Vi after the first time I met up with him that even if nothing more happened I would be happy just being friends. Now, if we were to meet up 'as friends' I'd just be looking at him the whole time thinking "you fuckwit, you."

Whew, that's the anger stage over and done with! The benefit of going through these stages when you haven't been in a relationship with the guy is that the stages occur so much quicker.

Looking at the positives: lots of compliments today on my outfit and hair. Retail therapy rocks!

He's Just Not That Into Me

I'm not stupid. I know how to read between the lines of text messages, or read between the lack of lines in the lack of a text message reply. Welsh Willy is just not that into me.

Am I disappointed? Yes.

Did I send Vi a depressing email? Yes.

Did I eat chocolate? Yes.

Did I turn to retail therapy? Yes.

Have I been over analysing the whole situation and wondering why he's just not that into me? But of course.

It's been awhile since I've found myself in the rejected corner. Not because I'm so great but because I've had a bit of a dry spell and I was the one who ended it with Fergus. It's been so long that I've forgotten just how much it sucks.

However, as disappointed as I am I'm also quite proud of myself. I've learned from past mistakes and experiences; most of which involved alcohol and technology. This time round I won't be going down that path:

I deleted all text messages from him.

I deleted his number.

I got Vi to change the password to my Facebook profile. Extreme? Perhaps. But I was spending way too much time on it anyways. I just hope she doesn't let all the power go to her head...

So I'm making progress.

Do I still feel lousy? Yes.

Do I still feel a teensy bit hopeful when my phone beeps with a text message? Unfortunately yes.

Am I going to go out for drinks tomorrow night with a positive outlook and show off the result of my retail therapy? Hell yes.

Afterall, as Vi said, if he's just not into me then he's just not right for me. and why would I want to be with someone who isn't right for me?

If this is dating, I don't like it

I promised I would keep you all posted on the 'date' with WW.

He emailed me on Friday to let me know that he had booked the cinema tickets. At the cinema in Leicester Square. Now, this particular cinema at Leicester Square is THE cinema. If you see premieres in the UK, they're outside this cinema. Tickets aren't cheap. All the people I was out with on Friday made a big deal of this. So let's just say that I was pretty nervous on my way to meet him.

However, I managed to overcome the nerves and we went for a wander before the film, then went in to watch the film. At this point I need to digress and make a few observations / comments:

1. I didn't really get all the fuss about Avatar.
2. Whoever designed 3D glasses was clearly looking at photos of NASA scientists from the 1960s when they did so.
3. Children should NOT be allowed in the cinema if they are going to repeatedly kick the back of someone's chair. Especially if that someone is me.

Perhaps I didn't find Avatar very enjoyable as I was constantly thinking about the whole WW situation. I think it's good advice to not go see a film you really want to see if you're on a date. You'll get distracted.

After the film (another digression, is there not something disconcerting about going into the cinema when it's light and coming out when it's dark?) we went for a walk around Chinatown. I had my arm linked through his. That turned into hand holding, which I figured was a good sign. We went for a drink (NB: he was quite hungover from Saturday night. So hungover that he didn't actually have any alcohol and I should probably be a little impressed he made it out at all considering his friend who he was out drinking with was still in bed.) and then we headed back.

We needed to get the same underground line home but his stop was two before mine. As we approached his stop we kissed goodbye. I made a comment that went something like: "why do we only do this at the end of the evening?" Was this a bad thing to say? My friend seems quite surprised I said it. I didn't say it in an accusatory tone. It was light-hearted. And a valid point in my opinion! He thought about it and replied with: "hmmmm...I don't know." Then he had to get off the train.

So that was my evening. Not quite sure where I stand. I think the signs are good but it's all moving quite slowly. I'm not used to slow. I'm used to either university relationships which frankly have their own set of rules or the relationship with Fergus which moved ridiculously quickly. So is this casual dating? If it is, I don't like it. I hate uncertainty. What do we think? I don't know when I'll see him next. He's away this coming weekend. Basically, although I'm pleased that non-platonic stuff happened I still feel unsure about what's going on.

I'm over thinking this aren't I?

Remaining aloof...

I've been quite proud of myself after the Welsh Willy episode. Apart from the initial over thinking of our drunken evening and a few texts about snowglobes I was aloof. And remained aloof. It helped that he was halfway around the world for 2 and a half weeks but I'm still proud of myself. I didn't email or text him. Maybe I checked his facebook page a few times but I am only human.

Then last week I feared my new found aloofness was sure to crumble as I knew he would be back in the UK. I wanted to text him but a quick call to my friend put that idea swiftly out the window. Then I checked my email. Oh yes, it was WW. We emailed a couple of times and then I got a bit fed up. Vi will tell you this about me, I'm not very patient. At all. And emails make me impatient. So instead of emailing him back, I text him. Then I took the plunge to see if he was up to anything at the weekend. Whether this was the 'correct' move or not I don't know. People have told me different things and I didn't want to play games. We arranged to meet on Sunday but then he had to postpone because he forget about pre-existing plans. (I decided to allow this as he was quite jet-lagged).

Still, some of the aloofness remained. I didn't get in contact with him. As I said to my friend, if he wants to see me he will contact me. Which he did. So now we're meeting this coming Sunday. If he postpones again he will be in trouble.

Now, fear not fellow WWBD? bloggers. I am not reading too much into this. I am not assuming that simply because we're meeting up then something will happen. This is silly. I want us to be friends and meet up because we did get on really well. And I need more friends in London. If the idea of something more than a platonic friendship were to be offered would I accept? Oh yes. Am I going to bring up the conversation of something more than a platonic friendship? Oh no. Do I want him to give me 'the rejection talk' and make me feel like a complete idiot and turn the shade of a tomato? Hell no!

So I guess there are a few options of how Sunday could go. I'll keep you posted.

Happy 2010!!

I don't normally make resolutions. But there's no harm in trying. So, in 2010:

I will...

- Visit Violet. It's been over a year since we've seen each other, that's a year too many!

- Follow 'The Four Man Plan' (sub resolution- read 'The Four Man Plan'. It's on my nightstand). Here's to finding Mr. Right Now(s)!

- Embark on some form of exercise, form TBC.

- Get up 20 minutes earlier to improve on my current beauty routine of mascara and lipgloss.

- Cook (sub resolution- learn how to).

I will not...

- Read too much into the situation with Welsh Willy (or other). Instead will enjoy fun evenings for what they are, rather than hope something more will come of it.

- Keep telling myself that I'm rubbish at my job and quake inwardly whenever my boss asks me to do something.

- Leave my make-up on when I go to bed as results in IES (icky eye syndrome).

- Eat toast for dinner (more than twice a week).

- Drunk dial or drunk text. Anyone. Drunk dialing/texting reeks of desperation. Will be cool aloof ice queen instead.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Normality has been restored

After a strict talking to from various friends, and Grayer's comment, I have thankfully realised that my behaviour towards the whole WW situation was uncalled for. I blame the fact that it's Christmas and the fact that last Saturday I was stuck at a Christmas party full of smug-marrieds. This was bound to affect my sanity.

However, I am pleased to report that I am going to take Grayer's advice and just enjoy last week for what it was and no more.

Now I really should get back to work before I get fired for not actually doing any work!

Merry Christmas to my fellow bloggers across the pond!!

xo

Fen

Oops...I'm doing it again!

I'm screwed.

Since my random yet highly enjoyable night out with WW last Thursday I've been thinking a lot about him. In fact I haven't thought about much else. Herein lies my problem...

I do this every time. Every time I meet a guy I obsess about what happened and more worryingly, what may happen. NB: I don't do this with random guys I meet in pubs, it's with guys I actually know and there haven't been that many! But it invariably leads to disappointment, embarrassment and with a little bit of regret thrown in for good measure. So after I broke up with Fergus I made a mid-year resolution- no longer was I going to do any chasing, I was going to be a cool, aloof ice queen- they could chase me. No more drunken texts = no more embarrassment. And so far I've been pretty good on this score with WW. I've only text him once asking him to bring me back a snowglobe from Australia (you don't ask, you don't get.) So now it's just the disappointment factor to contend with and I can feel it fast approaching because I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that I might like him, like really like him.

I totally did not see this coming. At all. I was expecting the evening to be a one drink, possibly awkward, affair. Nothing more. When I was skyping with Vi the night before I was due to meet him, I responded with an incredulous 'is he?' when Vi said she thought he was cute.

And then I met him at the station. The first thing I thought when I saw him was 'damn he's cute.' And it went downhill from there. Below is a list of why WW is the nicest guy I've met in a really, really long time.

* He paid for everything, even though I offered. Now I'm all for paying my way but no guy has ever payed for everything the first time we've met up. In fact, I have a cringe worthy recollection of having lunch with Fergus the first time. The lunch cost S/.8 each, that's roughly £2.30, which is roughly $3. He paid his half and then pushed the bill towards me. $3!! Why I didn't see the warning signs then I'll never know.
* He didn't laugh like most guys do when I said that I played soccer when I was a kid and that I wasn't bad at it. He also didn't laugh when I said I've been thinking of taking it up again. In fact, he encouraged me. So much so that he said he was going to call a couple of his friends who run ladies soccer clubs.
*He didn't laugh or mock when I talked about my job. He listened. I work for the UK's largest charity which works towards combating isolation and neglect against older people. Most people don't understand why I work for a charity. They find it even stranger when I get a bit passionate and start quoting statistics at them. He didn't.
* When we were ordering dinner (that he paid for) he ordered pheasant. I said that I had never eaten pheasant. He said that I could try some of his. When the dinner arrived he cut a decent chunk of it and put it on my plate. How many guys share their food?!
* He opened doors for me. I like guys that do that.
* The weather was really bad that night. He switched places with me so that he was watching close to the kerb- thus meaning he was way more likely than me to get splashed with slush and gunk. Then when the wind was getting really bad he insisted I walk behind him so as to protect me from the wind.
*He's a great kisser.

Now maybe these seem like trivial things. Maybe I'm just not used to guys being nice to me. Maybe I'm making mountains out of molehills. But I'm still pretty sure that I like him.

But as I stated before, I think this is all going to end in disappointment. Reasons being:

*He's older than me. 8 years older. This doesn't bother me, I like older men and for all I know it might not bother him. But I'm 23 and he's 31, he might have an issue with it.
* I've no idea of his current 'love life status'. Has he just got out of a serious relationship? Is he casually seeing anyone? Without this information it makes the situation even harder to judge.
* I saw him last week. And he's away for 2 1/2 weeks over New Years. That's along time until the possibility of seeing him again, which means it's a long time for him to forget about me.
*I haven't heard from him since I text him asking him to get me a snowglobe. No contact from a guy who you kissed is never a good sign!

So I'm not feeling too confident, and a big helping of disappointment is not what you want for Christmas!

However, I'm trying to look on the positive side of things. At least I finally have a guy to blog about who isn't my ex. And I may get a snowglobe out of all of this (that sounds a bit dodgy, it's not.) Happy Holidays!

Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful...

It would appear that I am finally getting my act together re: having a social life. Vi and I noticed that the 'normal, funny guy' (Vi's words) we met when we were in Buenos Aires is now living in London and Vi suggested that I contact him to meet up for a drink, which I did, and we agreed to meet up yesterday. Now in my experience when you meet up with people who you met travelling or in other 'extreme' situations it can go one of two ways. The first: it's really awkward and you realise very quickly that you don't really have much in common and you wonder how quickly you can bring the evening to a close without appearing rude. The second: it's great! There's no awkwardness and you're really pleased that you made the effort to get back in touch.

Well within two minutes of meeting up with Welsh Willy (thanks Vi for helping think of a GREAT nickname!) I realised that it was going to be the second way.

At this point, Vi suggests that I simply copy and paste some of the email I wrote to her last night having got back at gone midnight and quite a bit worse for wear. So for entertainment value then I will, with a few interjections of the sober variety.

So...the evening began in Putney (Sober interjection: little suburb very close to central London.) I met Welsh Willy at the train station. It was very friendly and straight away I realised it was going to be the non-awkward kind of meeting up with people you travelled with. We went to a pub. We had a drink. We chatted. We then decided to go to another pub. We had a drink. We chatted. When we left the second pub to get something to eat the weather was horrible. Freezing snow stuff falling sideways with such a force it was ridiculous. (SI: the weather here in the UK has been very, very cold and snowy. WW and I decided that we were going to only go to pubs which had fires going in the fireplace). We went to another pub. Had food and wine. Still chatted. We went to a fourth pub, had a drink. He checked the times of the trains on his phone for me to get home, we decided what train I was going to get. I missed that train (still in pub). We were having a random conversation about him becoming the mayor of Putney.

When we left the pub to get my train, because I really had to get this train, I linked my arm through his because a.) it was very windy and b.) I was a little tipsy (but still totally compus mentus). So we get the station and we have 5 mins to spare before my train. Then for some reason we're hugging while we're waiting for the train. Don't ask me why, it just happened. Then I said that I had to go for my train because it was due in 2 mins. So...I kiss him on the cheek, we say goodbye, then we start kissing. Once again, don't ask me why. It was a pretty intense kiss for a train station (but it was late so barely anyone there!) Then I keep saying that I really need to get my train, he keeps saying he knows, but we're still kissing, it was all very random.

So that was my email that Vi found very entertaining apparently! Now on the one hand, I like the total randomness of the evening, and he was a very good kisser which was just a bonus. But I'm worried about falling into the trap of obsessing about whether he's going to get in contact with me, what did it mean to him, etc. Which is bad, very bad. So I'm going to try very hard not to, because, I've decided that one of my new year's resolution is to try out The Four Man Plan...so you never know, it could be one down and only three to go...