Why hello anger, I've been expecting you...

I had the disappointed stage.

I had the hurt stage.

Now I've hit anger.

We've all been there. We get interested in a guy, non-platonic things happen, we think this might lead somewhere and then...nothing.

I've never understood how people can do this to another person. If you're not interested in someone then please don't give them any non platonic indications that you are! It's really not difficult to understand.

What's so frustrating is that this has turned WW into the nicest guy I've met for a long time to a fuckwit. And that is disappointing. Now I feel that we can't even be friends, which I wanted. I said to Vi after the first time I met up with him that even if nothing more happened I would be happy just being friends. Now, if we were to meet up 'as friends' I'd just be looking at him the whole time thinking "you fuckwit, you."

Whew, that's the anger stage over and done with! The benefit of going through these stages when you haven't been in a relationship with the guy is that the stages occur so much quicker.

Looking at the positives: lots of compliments today on my outfit and hair. Retail therapy rocks!

Playlist: I could just kill a man

The much anticipated angy girl playlist, because even if you love them, it's still ok to hate them.

I could just kill a man - Charlotte Sometimes
I can do better - Avril Lavigne
You Learn- Alanis Morissette
Goodbye Earl - Dixie Chicks
F**k you - Lily Allen
I Need Some Fine Wine, and You, You Need to Be Nicer- The Cardigans
Cheater, Cheater - Joey & Rory
I Hate Everyone - Get Set Go
Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood
Kerosene - Miranda Lambert
Let 'Er Rip - Dixie Chicks
Gone - Madonna
This is only for now - Charlotte Sometimes
Not ready to make nice - Dixie Chicks
Love Don't live here anymore - Lady Antebellum
The more boys I meet - Carrie Underwood
Not big - Lily Allen

Fuckwittage confirmed

I had complete confidence in The Engineer. He gave me absolutely no reason to doubt him…until now. Last Monday he sent his usual “what does your schedule look like this week” email and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner or have him cook me dinner at his place. After I responded, he suggested a restaurant on my way home so I wouldn’t have as long of a drive. He called the night before the date and we chatted and finalized the details for the date. Looking back everything seemed completely normal. The engineer even emailed me on Friday as if nothing was wrong and explained that he worked late the last two days but there was no apology for canceling the date nor has he called. This of course confused me further.

As you are not quite as emotionally involved, you may have already guessed based on my previous post and my intro…The Engineer committed one of the worst dating sins…the disappearance. (This has been discussed previously by Violet.) The problem with the disappearance is that you are stripped of your right of closure. Even worse is a sudden disappearance. In all of my previous relationships there was a withdrawal period prior to the break up. The withdrawal period gives you a chance to emotionally check out of the relationship so that when the breakup actually occurs it is like shedding a burden rather than a complete surprise.

So all weekend I was feeling shell shocked and somewhat in denial. I tried to keep busy and hung out with friends and family. All this time I was asking myself, “How did this happen? Why won’t he call?” After dating for almost two months and communicating almost daily, I couldn’t believe The Engineer was capable of such complete and utter fuckwittage. I kept thinking to myself, “There must be some mistake!” But I knew deep down that I needed to accept that maybe just maybe The Engineer was a fuckwit disguised as a nice guy.

Yes I know I am a woman of substance, complete without boyfriend. Not only am I awesome but I’m also hotter and younger than The Engineer so this is clearly his loss…so why couldn’t I stop staring at my phone waiting for it to ring?

I broke down and called him on Saturday but after a few rings it went to voice mail. So I sent a text saying that I didn’t know what was going on but it looked like he was blowing me off and I’d appreciate a call. Yet still I got no response! Finally on Sunday evening he emailed me…

[To be continued.]

Imaginary boyfriends:Fuckwittage at its finest

The imaginary boyfriend has struck again. And I haven't even seen him in 6 months!

Last spring I started seeing this guy. We worked together closely and he had just broken up with a long time girlfriend so we kept it very hush-hush. Actually no one really knows the depth of relationships. We had a chemistry that I've never had with anyone else. We found each other very funny, we talked for hours and hours, and we even thought a like (in an "Ok, this is weird sort of way"), he was constantly taking the words right out of my mouth. We hadn't known each other very long, but we knew each other so well. Basically it was perfect, although imaginary.

The underlying problem was always his ex-girlfriend, he still had to be friends with her and she called him all the time. For months he had been talking about the lack of their relationship, lack of chemistry, how she never listened to him, how she wouldn't even kiss him (and he was a damn good kisser, seriously, best ever). I never doubted that she was a great person but she wasn't the greatest person for him.

After about three months of bliss with me, he moved out west with friends. He thought he needed to be single for a while, and I couldn't have agreed more. I was a little heartbroken and until very very recently I don't think I was truly over him. (ok perhaps I'm not over him). I still had hopes of him coming back, and like any imaginary breakup, I of course wasn't mourning what was over, but mourning what could have been. But lately I hardly even think of him, even when I knew he was recently back in the state. Until a couple of hours ago when I heard news that brought up this strange hot anger boiling up inside me.

He's back with her. Her. I was prepared for awful blow when I would finally learn he was dating someone. But he's back with her. And I am infuriated. I don't even know what to say, I'm so angry. What a complete fuckwitting idiot. They're not even in the same state either. It's as if every single thought and feeling he shared with me was a lie. It's as if our relationship was just a little tryst, a little holiday away from a controlling girlfriend who won't even make out with him. Ahhh, I'm so pissed. And damnit, I want to tell him. I want him to explain to my face why they are back together, and then I want to remind him of why he left her in the first place. I know she doesn't know we had been together after they broke up. But I want to tell her. And I swear I'm not an angry ex, seeking revenge (but yes I am angry). More than anything else, I'm just so disappointed in him, he is selling himself way too short. Can't I just tell him that?