Another one from Fenella!
I found writing my first WWBD? blog entry quite therapeutic, so I thought that I would have another go. However, as well as the free therapy I'm also using this entry to ask for a little advice. Advice being, how long until THE RAGE dissipates?
Obviously in order to understand where THE RAGE is coming from, you need some background information. (Many apologies have to go to Violet who has heard this story many, many times!)
Last year, whilst living in Peru I met a guy from Scotland, we shall call him Fergus (‘The Highlander’ would've been a better option, but that name is already taken). Now on paper Fergus pretty much checked all the right boxes:
* He was older than me
* He was interested in world events / current affairs
* He seemed to have a good sense of humor
* He seemed like a non-psycho
He was slightly shorter than I would've liked, but he was a teensy bit taller than me, so I decided to let that one slide. Things started off amazingly well. In hindsight, maybe a little too well. I came back to Cusco after my traveling and moved in with him, and after four months we headed back to the UK together.
Living in Cusco, he seemed like such a confident guy with quite an important job. He spoke fluent Spanish (I didn't), he'd lived in Cusco for six years (I hadn't), so knew everything there was to know about it, and he simply seemed so much better than my ex-boyfriend who just didn't really care about my opinions or anything apart from going out with his friends and drinking. I honestly and truly and naively thought that this was the guy for me.
However, back in the UK my feeling quickly began to change. There are many, many reasons and events for this swift and dramatic change in my feelings, but rather than bore you with them, I will simply say that Fergus is an extremely arrogant person who thinks that his opinion is the only right one and that he is better than most other people. He is also very critical and once again, in hindsight, I realised that I became pretty subservient to him, something which I will never, ever again repeat.
To cut this long story short, we got back from six weeks in India (oh Violet, how I understand the awkwardness of being away with someone knowing that it’s over!) and I ended it. (Twenty minutes later we had to eat dinner with his parents, I keep telling myself that one day I’ll laugh about it…) In the immediate aftermath I was pretty upset about the whole thing, but then as the dust settled, the upset turned to a lava boiling, face reddening, steam coming out of my ears, rage.
THE RAGE can hit me at any point. I can be feeling pretty calm and serene about life and then I’ll hear on the news how the Rangers (his favorite soccer team, bar none) have won a game, and then THE RAGE takes over. In the aftermath of the break-up, I tried the whole still staying friends thing, big mistake! Every time I saw his name in my inbox THE RAGE took over. Reading his emails near resulted in me stabbing the monitor with a pair of scissors. In order to try and curb this aspect of THE RAGE I emailed him saying I needed space,(a cliché, but an oh so necessary cliché), so at least the emails have stopped. But sadly, THE RAGE hasn’t. And I really don’t think it’s healthy. I now detest most things Scottish; Bruce Springsteen and looking at my travel photos conjures up THE RAGE rather than happy memories. I’ve tried different tactics to lessen the power of THE RAGE. I now support Celtic, the aforementioned Rangers’ arch-rivals, so that when I hear Celtic have won a game, I am filled with a strange type of happiness. I revel in watching reality shows because he hated them, and reading chick-lit is even more enjoyable now knowing that he thinks it’s all trash.
But, unfortunately, THE RAGE is still there, bubbling away under the surface until something makes it explode again. It’s been about three months now, and I was really hoping that it would’ve gone away by now. It’s really not healthy and the bright red face I get when THE RAGE takes over really doesn’t suit me. I do think that having THE RAGE after a break-up is better than getting all teary-eyed over your ex, texting him drunkenly, and Facebook stalking him, but it’s still not pleasant.
I’m really not a crazy person. I’m just angry, mostly at myself, that I was so taken in by him when in reality, he’s got a horrible temper, he’s extremely possessive and as I have previously mentioned, he thinks he’s brilliant at everything. He’s not.
So the advice I’m asking for is this: How long until THE RAGE goes away? Does it ever go away completely or is it something I’ll always have to live with? Will I be 40 and THE RAGE takes over when I hear that Rangers have won the cup final? Or, most scarily, is THE RAGE simply not normal and I should go and register for anger management classes right now?
I await your advice, meanwhile, I’ve just seen that he’s updated his Facebook status with tales of his mountain climbing, so I’m away to hide the scissors…
I found writing my first WWBD? blog entry quite therapeutic, so I thought that I would have another go. However, as well as the free therapy I'm also using this entry to ask for a little advice. Advice being, how long until THE RAGE dissipates?
Obviously in order to understand where THE RAGE is coming from, you need some background information. (Many apologies have to go to Violet who has heard this story many, many times!)
Last year, whilst living in Peru I met a guy from Scotland, we shall call him Fergus (‘The Highlander’ would've been a better option, but that name is already taken). Now on paper Fergus pretty much checked all the right boxes:
* He was older than me
* He was interested in world events / current affairs
* He seemed to have a good sense of humor
* He seemed like a non-psycho
He was slightly shorter than I would've liked, but he was a teensy bit taller than me, so I decided to let that one slide. Things started off amazingly well. In hindsight, maybe a little too well. I came back to Cusco after my traveling and moved in with him, and after four months we headed back to the UK together.
Living in Cusco, he seemed like such a confident guy with quite an important job. He spoke fluent Spanish (I didn't), he'd lived in Cusco for six years (I hadn't), so knew everything there was to know about it, and he simply seemed so much better than my ex-boyfriend who just didn't really care about my opinions or anything apart from going out with his friends and drinking. I honestly and truly and naively thought that this was the guy for me.
However, back in the UK my feeling quickly began to change. There are many, many reasons and events for this swift and dramatic change in my feelings, but rather than bore you with them, I will simply say that Fergus is an extremely arrogant person who thinks that his opinion is the only right one and that he is better than most other people. He is also very critical and once again, in hindsight, I realised that I became pretty subservient to him, something which I will never, ever again repeat.
To cut this long story short, we got back from six weeks in India (oh Violet, how I understand the awkwardness of being away with someone knowing that it’s over!) and I ended it. (Twenty minutes later we had to eat dinner with his parents, I keep telling myself that one day I’ll laugh about it…) In the immediate aftermath I was pretty upset about the whole thing, but then as the dust settled, the upset turned to a lava boiling, face reddening, steam coming out of my ears, rage.
THE RAGE can hit me at any point. I can be feeling pretty calm and serene about life and then I’ll hear on the news how the Rangers (his favorite soccer team, bar none) have won a game, and then THE RAGE takes over. In the aftermath of the break-up, I tried the whole still staying friends thing, big mistake! Every time I saw his name in my inbox THE RAGE took over. Reading his emails near resulted in me stabbing the monitor with a pair of scissors. In order to try and curb this aspect of THE RAGE I emailed him saying I needed space,(a cliché, but an oh so necessary cliché), so at least the emails have stopped. But sadly, THE RAGE hasn’t. And I really don’t think it’s healthy. I now detest most things Scottish; Bruce Springsteen and looking at my travel photos conjures up THE RAGE rather than happy memories. I’ve tried different tactics to lessen the power of THE RAGE. I now support Celtic, the aforementioned Rangers’ arch-rivals, so that when I hear Celtic have won a game, I am filled with a strange type of happiness. I revel in watching reality shows because he hated them, and reading chick-lit is even more enjoyable now knowing that he thinks it’s all trash.
But, unfortunately, THE RAGE is still there, bubbling away under the surface until something makes it explode again. It’s been about three months now, and I was really hoping that it would’ve gone away by now. It’s really not healthy and the bright red face I get when THE RAGE takes over really doesn’t suit me. I do think that having THE RAGE after a break-up is better than getting all teary-eyed over your ex, texting him drunkenly, and Facebook stalking him, but it’s still not pleasant.
I’m really not a crazy person. I’m just angry, mostly at myself, that I was so taken in by him when in reality, he’s got a horrible temper, he’s extremely possessive and as I have previously mentioned, he thinks he’s brilliant at everything. He’s not.
So the advice I’m asking for is this: How long until THE RAGE goes away? Does it ever go away completely or is it something I’ll always have to live with? Will I be 40 and THE RAGE takes over when I hear that Rangers have won the cup final? Or, most scarily, is THE RAGE simply not normal and I should go and register for anger management classes right now?
I await your advice, meanwhile, I’ve just seen that he’s updated his Facebook status with tales of his mountain climbing, so I’m away to hide the scissors…
5 comments:
No, you're not crazy. The Rage is perfectly normal. I figured High and I had left on good terms, but after I had time to digest the whole thing, I got a touch of The Rage myself. whenever he would email or call, I would just think God, how dull he is! He's not funny, interesting, or very smart! WTF?! He took me to dinner last week for my birthday. I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes or making faces at some of the ridiculous things he said. Seriously, the free meal is just not worth it.
This is totally part of the "moving on" process. First your sad, then your ANGRY, at him, at yourself, but mostly that you just wasted time with a complete idiot who did not deserve your awesome company. And you can't get that time back.
I believe the length of time you undergo the Rage, is directly proportional to the length of time you spent with the idiot. So hang in there, this too will pass.
Glad to hear it's all totally normal!! On the downside, if the rage lasts as long as the relationship then I've got about 9 months more of it to go...
I think it's a fraction of the time you spent with him, like a quarter of the time. So if you spent a year with him, The Rage would last 3 months. (Right? I'm terrible at math...)
That math sounds right to me, and 3months is way better than a year, so I'm happy with that!
Post a Comment