Holiday Greetings! from the WWBD? family!

Dear Friends and Family,

Wow! Is it that time of year already? It seems like only yesterday we were writing last year's Christmas Newsletter, but 2010 sure has flown by! What a year it's been for the busy WWBD? family! The ladies have all stepped up their husband hunting now that Prince William is officially off the market!

The year got off to a great start with Grayer moving to Boston for her first, real, grown-up job! She lives in the city with me (Mr. Kitty Meowington) and a few lovely roommates. Over the summer, she went on a fabulous vacation to Costa Rica with her favorite sister, Violet. They had such a wonderful trip! They went zip-lining, relaxed on the beach, and saw volcanoes, and lizards, and monkeys, oh my! There were times when her love life got a little messy, but it was never anything Grayer couldn't handle on her own!

Fenella is living in London, and what a year she's had! Of course the highlight to her year was traveling back to the United States to see her bestest friend in the whole wide world, and her Person, Violet. They had such a wonderful 10 days together! They laughed, they salsa danced, they rode roller coasters, they even pushed each other into bathrooms. Fenella even got to know some of Violet's friends really, really well. Fen is also preparing to be a bridesmaid next year, but her We were all pleased as punch a few months later when our little Fen-Fen announced that she's found herself a Significant Other!

Violet is still living in Atlanta. Despite her spectacular talents and qualifications, she is still incredibly underemployed, so she decided to give nannying a try to make some extra cash. It did not end well. Violet's professional life may be non-existant, but she has managed to get herself a love life this year! It got off to a weird start for sure, but things started to change when her very cute neighbor became more than just a neighbor.

As for me, Mr. Kitty Meowington, I've had a very busy year of waking Grayer up at 4am and chasing my tail. I really think 2011 is the year I'll finally catch it!

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!



Love,

Grayer, Fenella, and Violet

(and Mr. Kitty Meowington)

Plus No-one AGAIN

Last year, I wrote about my lack of a Plus One. This year, however, I have an ACTUAL boyfriend and all, so everything should be hunky dory, right? Wrong. My ACTUAL boyfriend is out of town. So I will yet again be attending my office Christmas party solo. I mean seriously, what is the point of having an actual boyfriend if he's going to be out of town for the two weeks leading up to Christmas, leaving me Plus One-less yet again? Grrr.

This year's office Christmas party invite was particularly obnoxious about the whole thing also. There was a sign-up sheet with a column for your name if you'll be attending, and next to it a column that said, "Spouse (yes or no)." Why only a "spouse"? Why not "significant other"? Or better yet, "guest"? I was feeling particularly cheeky and smart ass, so under the spouse column, I wrote "No thanks."

Don't worry, I won't be giving a drunken solo at the party. Actually, if the party were going to include drunken karaoke, I might actually be looking forward to it, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be super-lame, and have been trying to come up with an excuse not to go for weeks now. Unfortunately, it's important to stay on the boss's good side, and this is a good way to do that. I can, however, look forward to New Year's Eve, when I will actually have a date for the first time in... well, let's not think about that.

Bring on the Turkey

The cute neighbor and I have survived our first major holiday together.

Things got off to a rocky start, as we found ourselves pulling off the highway nervously after hearing an ominous noise coming from my car not quite halfway into the trip. Sure enough, my car was broken and couldn't be fixed until the next day at the earliest. This is why God created rental cars, and we drove the rest of the way in a rented Nissan (rental car and all repairs were paid for by my normal mechanic who made a whopper of a mistake the previous day) and picked my car up on the way home.

Everything else went about as well as it could have, despite some potential awkwardness. First, the cute neighbor's grandma asked (while on speaker phone) if he and his brothers were planning on "having a triple wedding or something" since all of them are currently dating someone. Then, during the holiday game of pass the phone around, the cute neighbor's dad handed me the phone not once but TWICE to talk to his aunt and the aforementioned grandma respectively, who were both anxious to talk to the cute neighbor's "friend."

His mom had lots of little cute neighbor stories to tell me and I somehow managed to beat everyone in poker, although I'm still not sure how or why. (I don't really know how to play poker.) Things went so well, that I told him he was welcome to spend Christmas with my family, (obviously know he won't) despite my hesitations on inviting someone into the family circle.

Which reminds me: I really, really need to go ahead an book a flight home for Christmas...

Home for the Holidays

It's Thanksgiving week, one of my favorite weeks of the year. This year, I'll be going with the Cute Neighbor to his parents' house for Turkey Day. This is not so much a "we're so serious we want to spend every holiday" move so much as it's a "my parents live out of driving distance, but his don't and isn't that convenient" kind of move. I realize just how true this is when I think of the cute neighbor going to my parent's house for Christmas. Which he is absolutely not doing; that hasn't been discussed. In fact, I don't want the cute neighbor to come home with me for Christmas. Why? There are just some things that happen in the Bickerstaff household at the holidays that I'm not ready to share with him- or anyone- just yet. A few shining examples:

1. The pre-church, family Christmas photo. Every year- and I do mean every year- before we head off to church on Christmas Eve, my mother forces us all into a family photo. She poses us in front of the Christmas tree (the main Christmas tree, not to be confused with the numerous, smaller, themed Christmas trees throughout the house) for a family photo. She sets the camera up on a pile of books on the coffee table, hits the timer, then makes a mad dash for the tree while we sit uncomfortably staring at the blinking camera. Everyone except Grayer, who thinks she's auditioning for America's Next Top Model and is too busy posing and making love to the camera to be uncomfortable. I don't know why, but the thought of the cute neighbor having to take this photo makes me cringe.
2. Church on Christmas Eve. Every year, we must leave for Christmas Eve service an hour before the service actually begins. Why? Because my parents sing in the choir. This actually isn't so bad, as Grayer and I sit facing them and can make faces at them. Especially the year my mom was featured on the finger cymbals. That will never, ever stop being funny, but it is terribly dorky. It has, however, spawned my now-favorite Christmas tradition: the one in which Grayer and I play "Holiday Hangman" in the church bulletin to entertain ourselves before the service starts. And no, we don't use words like "mistletoe" or "Rudolph", we use phrases like "The glow of electric sex in the window" (A Christmas Story, obviously) and "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing it loud for all to hear." But don't forget about after church! That's when we go to the house of my junior prom date to get our fill of awkwardness in, and where last year I had my very own "I carried a watermelon" moment when I stood in the entryway and announced that "I have a meat and cheese tray." Then, of course, we must drive around and look at Christmas lights.
3. Holiday skyping. These days, we don't just call extended family on Christmas day, we skype them. That means we turn the camera on so they can see us and all our shiny new presents. Somehow, even after two years of using this technology, my mother cannot get over the fact that this technology actually exists, therefore, she never stops "smiling at the camera." It's exactly how I picture Bridget's mom would act if presented with a web cam.
4. Holiday decorations on steroids. Like I alluded to in number 1, my mom goes completely bonkers when it comes to the holiday decorations. I've lost count of the number of Christmas trees she puts up. There's of course the main tree, but then we have an angel tree, a snowman tree, and a music tree. A new one seems to pop up every year. Then there's the lights. You could land planes in front of my parents' house. There are millions of them. (All white, of course!) The cute neighbor claims his mom is just as bad, but somehow, I just don't think that's possible.

Yes, these are all reasons not to bring the cute neighbor home with me for Christmas. But they are the same reasons I'll be home for Christmas. I don't want to miss out on all the fun.

Son of a Stitch and Bitch

No matter how badly you might want a man this holiday season to accompany you to your holiday parties, you have to admit, there is definitely an advantage to being single this time of year: You don't have to buy a man a gift.

This is the current inner debate I'm having, and I need your help. I really didn't intend to get the Dark Horse anything for Christmas. First of all, my budget this year is about $20. That's not per person, that's my entire Christmas gift budget. Expect regifted presents and picture frames made out of popsicle sticks. Second, I didn't want to be the girl who puts a ton of thought into a gift only to get nothing in return, and end up feeling like Baby after saying "I carried the watermelon."

Now I'm thinking I should get DH something. This is based on a few things he's said this past weekend that make me think he may actually be getting me something. So after thinking about it for about 2.5 seconds, I came up with an idea to crochet him a hat.

Before you roll your eyes, let me explain.
1. He actually wears them. And looks damn cute in them.
2. He's going snowboarding after Christmas (which will extend through New Year's, leaving me without anyone to kiss at midnight AGAIN.) so it would be practical and useful.
3. My idea was confirmed this morning, when he tried to wear a hat I made out to brunch this morning. I reclaimed my hat and gave him another (complete with earflaps and llama motif, Fenella knows what I'm talking about) to take its place. For some reason, he didn't want that hat, he wanted mine, and we even had to ask out waitress if she thought he would look better in my hat or the one he was wearing. We even switched so she could make a fair assessment. I think we were her favorite costumers of the morning. Then he actually requested that I make him a hat. Actually, first he requested that I make him a tacky sweater, but I shot him down.
4. Considering my budgetary restraints, I don't think I have any other options. Aside from a picture frame made out of popsicle sticks, of course.

Here's my one hesitation: According to The Happy Hooker: Son of a Stitch and Bitch, there seems to be a curse of the hand crocheted/knitted item. You crochet/knit something for a guy, and not much later, you break up with him. So my question to you is, do I risk it?

Plus No One

It's that time of year again. Time for holiday office parties.

This week alone, I've gotten three invitations for work-related parties, one of which is from my former job. All invitations came with an extra invitation for my significant other or spouse. Ugh.

Sadly, in my professional life, never have I ever been able to add "plus one" after my name to a holiday party. I had a boyfriend for my first office party, but he was 2,000 miles away, so I went with a co-worker. Luckily, I've never been the only one without a plus one, as librarians tend to be spinsters by nature. This year, however, will be different. I can pretty much guarantee I will be the only single one at my current office party. At my current job, I'm the only one who is not married and does not have children. This doesn't bother me as much as you think it would, mainly because I am also at least a decade younger than everyone else. And I'm the one feeling smug when they ask what I did over the weekend, and some have even told me that I "do such fun things" on my weekends. The holidays are a different story, which begs the question: Should I bother going to our Christmas party?

I know what you're thinking: what about the Dark Horse? Yes, I could ask him, but because of his schedule and the timing of these parties, I know he won't be able to go. Short of hiring a fake boyfriend, I'll be without a plus one yet again. Bah humbug.

Out and Proud

The holidays are a time for family dysfunction and boy do I have a story for you. It all starts with mine and Violet's aunt, who we affectionately refer to as YFA (Your Favorite Aunt, which she's been not-so-humbly signing all cards since we've been old enough to read). YFA is not a happy woman. She is everything we hope never to become. She's critical, lonely, and downright annoying.

Unfortunately, we have to spend Thanksgiving with her this year. Violet and I have been counting on being together to deal with her craziness, but the witch struck before Violet's plane had even landed. Upon YFA's arrival I introduced her to my roommate, 8-year-Lisa. We chatted politely and it took Lisa no time at to realize what an unhappy woman YFA really was. While Lisa was in the shower I showed her around our house, indicating my room, as well as the door to Lisa's room. At this point YFA was interested in my life, something she hasn't cared about for 5 years or so.
YFA: "So have you known Lisa since you started school here?."
Me: "Yeah, she started here a semester before me."
YFA: "Good for you."
(Good for me? I didn't know what this meant, but I ignored it.)
Me: "She lived across the street from me at my old apartment. We became really good friends and decided to move our relationship to the next level by becoming roommates."
YFA: "Are you out and proud?"
Though my "relationship to the next level" comment was just a joke, she was completely serious when she asked this. Suddenly her previous comment made sense. She was happy for me for "finally" meeting someone, and it occurred to me, MY AUNT THINKS I'M A LESBIAN. Don't get me wrong. I'm down with the gays, but my boy craze has been well documented for a number of years. And here's the thing, I DIDN'T EVEN DENY IT.
Me: "We're not together..."
YFA then went on to discuss gay rights while I frantically tried to figure out what just happened and why she would come to that conclusion. It wasn't just my relationship joke, apparently my aunt already was getting the gay-vibe.

I immediately knew I was on to something extraordinary and couldn't wait until Violet arrived and I could recount this epic tale. After laughing excessively and realizing that I didn't even deny it, she begged to keep this going. For weeks Violet and I have been trying to think of a prank to pull on YFA, but couldn't come up with a single one that wouldn't deeply offend her (Her Christmas presents are usually awful, but there's always a chance a giftcard would be thrown in). But low and behold, within the first 20 minutes of spending time with her, she has given us the ultimate Christmas present: she has volunteered to be punk'd.

Tonight, family game night will include comments about Ellen DeGeneres and my new rugby team.

It's not raining men, it's just raining

I was watching TV in my pyjamas this morning while the rain poured down outside, when for the first time this year I saw the classic 'holidays are coming' Coca-Cola commercial- you all know the one. So of course that got me thinking about the holidays and how it's still far too early for Christmas stuff, which then got me thinking about being single during the holidays. This turned out to be a dangerous trail of thought. On the one hand, I'm not too bothered about being single at the moment. It's only being four months since my ex and I broke up. I do get lonely sometimes but I've far too many other things going on at the moment, dating and getting to know someone would just be a bit too much bother at the moment. But on the other hand, the more I thought about it, the more I realised that my healthy break from dating and relationships is soon going to turn into a severe dry spell. You may think this is a bit of an over reaction but, trust me, the signs of a long dry spell are all there:

1. I haven't shaved my legs in quite awhile (in my defence, I'm quite fair-haired so my legs don't look gorilla like or anything!) My reasoning? It's winter. They're covered up and I'm the only one who sees them bare.
2. My make-up routine in the morning involves lip gloss and maybe a bit of eyeliner. I'm not saying women need make-up to look attractive, but let's be honest, it helps a bit and it does make me feel more attractive. If this makes me shallow then so be it, I blame advertising.
3. My television schedule is just perfect! FlashForward, The Apprentice USA, The X-Factor, etc. I don't want any man coming along and making me watch football (soccer) whilst he shouts at the screen.
4. I prefer staying in to watch my above TV schedule then actually making an effort to get all dressed up to go out- thus drastically cutting my chances of meeting eligible men.
5. I have reverted back to my strange sleeping patterns. I am, by far, one of the worst people to share a bed with. I hog the duvet- involves wrapping myself in it and there isn't room for anybody else. I also take up most of the bed, which is fine except when there's somebody else in it- I push them out. This caused some problems with my ex. So in the year that we were together I trained myself not to be so greedy. Now though, I can sleep diagonally and wrap the duvet around me to my heart's content- and I love it!
6. I have also reverted back to being a bit of a slob...I'm a bit lazy when it comes to tidying up, putting clothes away, etc. I used to make the effort. Now, who cares? Who else shares my room? Answer: nobody.
7. I haven't been 'chatted up' as the saying goes for....an extremely long time. I can't even think of the last time. (The guy that I was chatting to the night of the drunk dial really doesn't count, he was making sure I didn't drunkenly walk into the path of an oncoming car or something equally stupid.)
8. In order to get out of a dry spell, you have to make a bit of effort and start dating. I have never dated. I don't know how to date. An embarrassing confession yes, and one for another blog entry, but without dating the dry spell will remain, but I'm too scared to do the dating thing. 'Tis a vicious circle.
9. My ex-boyfriend being such a jerk has meant I now have so many dealbreakers that the chances of meeting any guy who gets through the vetting process is slim to none. Another vicious circle.
10. And just to round this list off on the number 10...trust me, I know this is going to be a long dry spell, I feel it in my bones.

So as you can see, from the above signs it's clear that a.) I'm far too set in my ways at the moment to start seeing guys again, let alone let one into my bed and allow them use of the television remote b.) I'm not putting the effort in to date because I don't know where to start and c.) the signs of interest from guys are non-existent.

So what do I do now? My answer would be John Cusack movies, pyjamas and ice-cream. I'm guessing all of you will have a different answer. Which is fine. I'm open to options, goodness knows I need them. But I'm not giving up my tv remote, not matter what you say.

Halloweeners

It's that time of year again. Vampires, mummies, girls dressed like sluts, oh my! Seriously, lingerie and cat ears is not a costume, I don't care what they say in Mean Girls. Also, it's late October. In New England. I know your cold in your corset and barely-there mini skirt. Have some self respect ladies. There is a fine line between sexy and downright trashy.

On that note, I admit, I love Halloween. I love dressing up (not like a tramp), I love being scared, I love ridiculously bad scary movies, and I love candy. I've carved my pumpkin, I've made my costume, I've watched zombie movies, I've even been to a haunted house (hanging on to Conrad's jacket the entire time, laughing). Tommorrow my roommate and I are throwing a Halloween party to end all parties. It will be epic, and costumes are required. So I want to know, what's everyone being for Halloween?

WWBD about impending spinsterhood during the holiday season?

The holiday season is quickly approaching. This time of the year can be especially hard for us singletons. (Smug marrieds are in their prime and your family probably wants to know why you are still single.) You may be wondering “What would Bridget do if she was single and alone over the holidays?”

1. Do not allow smug marrieds to address you with an air of superiority. Mingle and flirt at holiday parties. If a smug married draws attention to your impending spinsterhood, point out the freedom this allows. Singletons are not encumbered by in-laws. We don’t have to worry about spending Christmas with “his” family when we’d rather be with ours!
2. There is strength in numbers. Meet with your single friends at a bar* and have a singleton peep rally of sorts. Hoorah for Singletons!
3. Get a bottle of wine (or two). Drink it.* Write the Christmas cards you have been putting off to all your friends. (For best results follow this suggested order…however, you may want to write to your Grandmother and Barack Obama at another time.) This is also a fun activity to do with a friend.
4. Allow yourself a night of self pity. It is OK on occasion!
5. Make a list of empowering, feminist New Years resolutions. Break every one.

*Please do not drink irresponsibly.