Cheese and Wine

Oh WWBD? it's been too long. Things have actually been happening to me, not romantically happening, but ya know... happening. Gotta to start somewhere:

Today was the beginning of my third week at the new job. Things have been going well except for the fact that 1) I have had to come to terms with officially being an adult and 2) it's not just that everyone is in a relationship (like it was in grad school), now it's that everyone is married. Since I was drawn to the one single person in my department at my old job (Conrad), I'm just waiting for the inexplicable magnetic pull of the one single male at my new job. This company employs 21,000 people, surely there are a few single males in there...right??

Today is my second day in my new apartment in the city. I'm feeling somewhat of a crazy catlady. The only furniture I have so far is my bed, my roommates won't move in for another two weeks, and other than the occasional phone call from Violet or the parentals, the only conversation I've held are those with my cat. To add to the crazy, while trying to scrounge something for dinner (I haven't yet found the nearest grocery store that isn't too expensive/Whole Foods) I realized I have hardly anything in my fridge, yet I do have six types of cheese. Six! Surely this is not my best moment, but given that I've been eating dinner on the floor, using a box as a table, I assume this can be forgiven.

Today is the fourth day since I've seen Conrad. We hung out on Friday for the final time before I moved. It's a weird feeling closing the door on someone you may never see again. Then again, he might be helping me finish move this weekend. I've only moved an hour away, but that hour may be more than our weird relationship can handle. On Saturday night I decided to kill a bottle of wine while packing. I had to drink the wine, as surely I was not going to transport it across state lines, however, this was not my best plan. For starters, getting drunk while texting Conrad about my insecurities about the future of friendship was one thing, getting drunk while packing glassware was another. He assured me we'll see each other again, he promises he'll come down to visit and tells me I need to trust him. The mugs of wine (I packed my wine glasses) were downed at an amazing rate as these comments hit home. Conrad was shockingly reminding me of my ex-imaginary boyfriend (the one that moved and completely cut me off/broke my heart). I swear they used the same lines. I've been disappointed before and refuse to get my hopes up. I know how things go, I'm a realist, and I know one thing: If a guy really wants to see you, he'll see you. HJNTIY taught me that. If he doesn't care to see me much when I'm 15 minutes away, why would he when I'm an hour away? Saying goodbye to him wasn't sad because I'll miss my strange unhealthy imaginary relationship (Ok, I will miss the action). No. It was sad because really, Conrad has been my closest/geographically desirable friend the past couple months. I'll miss our friendship more than anything, as was the case with the ex-IB. Also, I have an awful record of remaining friends with guys I've had relations with (why is that?). I'm hoping this one will be different.

I'm sure he'll never come to visit, but I just keep thinking of all the things we can do in the city together (hello, science museum!!) I can't help but hope. I also can't help but hope I'll meet someone new soon so as to not even remember Conrad's name. Until then, I'll be sitting on my bed with a cat in my lap, nibbling on cheese and figuring out what craft I can make with broken wineglasses. City life is so classy.

He's Just Not That Into Me

I'm not stupid. I know how to read between the lines of text messages, or read between the lack of lines in the lack of a text message reply. Welsh Willy is just not that into me.

Am I disappointed? Yes.

Did I send Vi a depressing email? Yes.

Did I eat chocolate? Yes.

Did I turn to retail therapy? Yes.

Have I been over analysing the whole situation and wondering why he's just not that into me? But of course.

It's been awhile since I've found myself in the rejected corner. Not because I'm so great but because I've had a bit of a dry spell and I was the one who ended it with Fergus. It's been so long that I've forgotten just how much it sucks.

However, as disappointed as I am I'm also quite proud of myself. I've learned from past mistakes and experiences; most of which involved alcohol and technology. This time round I won't be going down that path:

I deleted all text messages from him.

I deleted his number.

I got Vi to change the password to my Facebook profile. Extreme? Perhaps. But I was spending way too much time on it anyways. I just hope she doesn't let all the power go to her head...

So I'm making progress.

Do I still feel lousy? Yes.

Do I still feel a teensy bit hopeful when my phone beeps with a text message? Unfortunately yes.

Am I going to go out for drinks tomorrow night with a positive outlook and show off the result of my retail therapy? Hell yes.

Afterall, as Vi said, if he's just not into me then he's just not right for me. and why would I want to be with someone who isn't right for me?

Stress relief

I know I've been MIA on the blogging front lately. Please understand that I'm finishing up grad school and I have found writing a thesis on a tight deadline to be the single most stressful thing I've ever experienced. Two and a half years have come down to two and a half weeks and I'm pushing myself to the limits. I'm taking some time off this evening to update you on my current non-thesis related situation, because honestly, my life feels like a mess right now.

Conrad and I have been pseudo-dating for a few months now, but recently our relationship has changed. I don't know if this change is for better or worse and it has left me confused and disappointed I suppose.

In the last few weeks, Conrad and I have both been really stressed. Obviously I'm consumed with my thesis, while he's being bogged down by a very demanding class, teaching 3 lab sections, and doing his own research. We're busy people so it's not surprising that we don't see each other as often as before, however, we also seem to handle stress in entirely different ways. And let's just say these ways don't exactly mesh.

I don't like to admit this, but my stress has left me in a fragile state. I need some emotional support, I need encouraging words, I need hugs, and I need stress-relief (if you know what I mean!). In general, stress just makes me act like a girl, and I HATE acting like a girl. Conrad is the opposite. He needs alone time and his own space (I think it has something to do with being an only child). He has stopped being affectionate towards me and our physical relationship no longer exists (if we were actually together I would think he was cheating on me, but I know he's not involved with anyone else). Of course, this sudden change makes me act like a girl and question our pseudo-relationship. When asked, he says he has too many things on his mind. When given the chance to just be friends, he says it's not necessary, he just has too many things on his mind.

You may see why this has left me so confused. When we are together, he seems to really enjoy being with me and acts very much the same, minus the make out sessions. Though he rarely initiates our time together, we're still having a lot of fun. It just doesn't seem like he wants to get out. For example, when I jokingly told him he had to accompany me to the 12:01 showing of New Moon, a territory where only dedicated/whipped boyfriends dare to enter, he agreed as if it were his boyfriendy duty. On the other hand, I'm not an idiot. I've read the book, and if a guy isn't physically interested in you, he just not that into you. I know that. However, he still insists this is just how he gets when stressed out.

The good news is, we're talking about it. We've agreed we handle stress differently and are trying to do better. I'm being sure to give him his space, while he's being more supportive of me. Although this is bothering me, and it is not good for my ego (girls aren't supposed to be rejected!), I don't really think it's a bad thing. This issue has definitely brought our relationship down a notch, just when I was starting to worry that I would miss him when I leave.

As this is just one more frustration to add to the list of frustrations in my life right now, I know he's not worth it. At the same time, he still makes me laugh a lot and is a great distraction. Mostly I think I'm just disappointed with myself that he even has an effect on me. Why the hell do I care, anyways? Gahhh, I hate being a girl!

Time to let'em loose

You may remember my good friend and current roommate 8-year-Lisa. Yes, she is still with her loser of a boyfriend, who I shall call the Loser-of-8-years. When I first met him, I thought he seemed like a decent and fairly cute guy. However I have observed him, as well as their relationship more and because of this, my opinion has changed. (A) I think he's a douchebag (B) I still think she's an idiot and (C) I don't think they like each other. At all.

(A) Lisa and I have lived together for 4 months now. The Loser has only visited 3 times. Of all of his visits, I have been amazed at the time he either is on his computer, or is in her room (He seriously doesn't leave it!). Doing something social/fun with her friends is always out of the question. Not only does he not want to meet her friends, he also has no interest in anything she does and has refused offers to see the lab in which she works. The Loser still lives at home and has always lived at home. He's 26. One time, he called Lisa with a cooking question. Oh wait, no it wasn't a cooking question, he was asking her how to make speghetti! I swear, this guy does not have a personality. The only reason why I liked him at first, was because he thinks I'm funny. I'm over that, and she should be over him.
(B) Lisa is a funny girl with a great personality and a lot of love to give. She can do so much better. I know she's not a shallow person, but I swear she likes him for his looks (obviously it can't be his personality, because he doesn't have one). When I told her that I had a thing for Conrad her immediate response was "I just don't find him attractive at all." (That was her exact same response as when I told her I had a thing for my ex-Imaginary Bf). Conrad is a fairly good looking guy but I really wasn't attracted to him until I got to know him. Now I think he's HOT. And that's because he's got a funny/smart/goofy personality. Lisa doesn't think like that. She's even gone so far to call the Loser her "Trophy-boyfriend". He's really not that attractive. He's also not that nice of a guy. In the 2+ years that I've known her, every single one of my non-boyfriends (that's right I haven't had a real boyfriend in almost 2 years), has made the Loser-of-8-years look bad! She recently commented that I can get Conrad to do anything for me. It's not that he's so into me that he'll do anything, it's that he's a nice guy and doesn't mind helping out. The Loser is not that kind of guy.
(C) Maybe they're different in private, but I never see any type of affection between them. Not even loving looks. Not even laughter. In fact, I hardly hear them speak to each other. I think I saw them hug once, but that was after not seeing each other for a month. The only thing they seem to do is go out to eat and go to the movies. If you don't really like each other and have been together 8 years, there's only 2 reasons why you're still together 1) It's comfortable and 2) you don't know how to not be with them.

This has been a long distance relationship for almost all of their 8 years (Apparently, the year that she was living in the same town as him and he ignored her even though they were dating, doesn't count). Three years ago, when Lisa started grad school, the Loser was supposed to follow her. He looked for a job (for about a month I'm sure) but had no luck. So he kept on living at his parents. As Lisa's now trying to find a real job, the Loser has agreed to move to the local area with her. He still has yet to look for a job. I'm hoping this will be the breaking point of the relationship. There's no way she can be that much of an idiot to fall for it twice. Wait, can she?

The Fuckwit Hall of Shame

Oh, The Disappearance. The torture tool of choice by fuckwits everywhere. By now the entire world knows that John Boy pulled one on me. And yet, he did actually call me last week to let me know that he was still alive. He acted as if everything was fine, but I know he was hiding something. I'm going to assume it's herpes.

Of course, he assured me when I talked to him that he would call me again soon, because he really did want to see me before he left. With him scheduled to move on Wednesday, I still hadn't heard from him by Sunday night. Obviously, by this time I was seeing red and didn't want to be chummy with him, but I still had unfinished business: I wanted my books back.

So I called him and left a message that I would swing by his place on Tuesday afternoon to collect my books. He didn't respond. (Was I surprised? Of course not.) On Tuesday morning I sent a text. No response. When I finished at work, I called again. He didn't answer. I got in my car and drove to his place. With him leaving on Wednesday, he should be home, packing up all his stuff.

I told Grayer that I was planning on going over there to get my books back, and she told me, "that better be all you do." Unless, of course, I poked around his medicine cabinet to find out which STD he was hiding. I assured her I would pick up my books and leave, but I did wear a super cute dress just to remind him what he had missed out on.

As I got closer, I started to feel really silly. Was I really going over to his house? On the off-chance that he would be there? But yes, I was. I really wanted to re-read Ordinary People, dammit! As I pulled on to his street, No Doubt's "Don't Speak" came on the radio. I laughed at the appropriateness of it, and wondered if it was a sign. For what, I don't know. Although I still got out and knocked on the door, it didn't take long for me to realize no one was home. His truck wasn't there. It was official. I was never going to see John Boy again.

He's Just Not That Into You says (repeatedly) "don't waste the pretty." I had no intention of wasting the pretty, so after work that night, I drove to The Highlander's so he could pay up on a bet that he lost. My cuteness was definitely not wasted on him. I believe the word "amazing" was thrown around. And he's cooking dinner for me tomorrow night. Who needs John Boy?

Besides, he is a distinguished member of the Fuckwit Hall of Fame. And he has herpes.

Spring fever

Spring is not the only thing in the air. Blame it on the start of baseball season, miniskirt sporting fluzzies or seasonal allergies, but along with this new warm weather is an even more alarming trend: noncommittal fuckwittage. Scarlet isn't the only one experiencing the disappearing act. It is mating season afterall, but it seems The Engineer is not going against nature alone.

Last week I suspected I'd hardly be seeing Hanging Out Guy now that the Red Sox are in season. Turns out I was right, though I don't know if it really has to do with the Sox. He hasn't disappeared completely, but I find that he may be fading fast.

Thus far, our relationship has been as questionable as the Riddler, so it is no surprise that I am yet again confused. We've been hanging out for a few months now, and although we have taken steps forward, we have never had a destination in mind. Not dating, yet not quite friends with benefits either. I was quite content with this situation until I recently realized that he doesn't call me anymore. We've always been give and take with making contact but lately I've been the one calling him. I realized this on Friday night when after previously discussing doing something, he instead went out with his friends and never called. A) We kind of agreed to do something and B) He used to invite me out with his friends. Then I surprised myself. I got pissed.

I don't know why it angered me, he's obviously not my boyfriend and he can obviously do anything he wants. (I'd like to blame it on stress. Today, for instance, I walked around work wearing two completly different shoes without noticing). Don't worry, I didn't call and bitch him out. I read and went to bed early (It was quite nice, actually). Low and behold, he called me the next day to play frisbee golf, confusing me further.

So as of Saturday night, when he preferred to stay home, I resolved not to call him. If I learned one thing from He's Just Not That Into You, it's if a guy wants to see you, he'll see you. He won't wait around for you to call. This weekend will be the true test (since I don't usually talk/see him during the week). Maybe he's just not that into me, maybe we're just friends, or maybe the Red Sox really are standing in the way. Regardless, spring is here, and he's up to bat.

Film Review: He's Just Not That Into You

Upon first hearing that there was going to be a movie version of HJNTIY, I thought how are they going to pull that off? The good news is, they did pull it off. And very well.

The story follows a pretty large cast on their dating adventures, each one in the middle of a relationship phase featured in the book. One couple is in a 7-year relationship (he's not marrying her), another girl is sitting by the phone (he's not calling her), then she thinks her friend is really into her (but he's not dating her), one guy is in love with his female friend (but she's not sleeping with him), while the female friend is seeing a married man (he's married, and to his wife, he's sleeping with somebody else).

One of the highlights was listening to Gigi (the one who's not getting called) getting advice from her guy friend, who tells her to stay away from guys who aren't interested in her. You mean I'm not supposed to date guys who don't like me? There's not going to be anybody left! Funny, because we've all been there. Staying with the guy who's just not that into us because who else is there?

What makes the movie so good is the same thing that makes the book so good. The encouragement to get away from the guy who's not into you so you can find the guy that is.

I just might

It's true. I've been committing the cardinal sin of dating, which is not dating but hanging out. And I'm still feeling fine about it. Instead of analyzing if he's just that into me (which I'm not entirely sure of), I've been trying to figure out if I'm that into him. Here's the verdict: I just might be. I just might like him.

The other night he was down with joining me and 4 of my friends for dinner and a hockey game. Considering how intimidating that can be, he did quite well with dining with total strangers. (I believe how a guy acts around your friends is very telling). Point for him. Since hockey is the one sport I don't know very well, I could ask him questions. Although I rarely need an education in any sport, I could sense that men enjoy explaining rules. I may give this practice another try in the future. As most of my hockey knowledge comes from movies, I was psyched when he got all of my Mighty Ducks references. Two points for him. (He even understood when I thought a player was gearing up for a knuckle puck!).

Last night I went to his place to hang out with him and a couple of his friends. It was a lot of fun and I found that he's funnier than I originally thought. Point for him. The evening ended in some good old fashion making out (Oh Action, how I've missed you) and I'd definitely be willing to do that again. Another point for him. So yes, I just might be into him.

Girls are idiots too!

It amazes me how clueless women can be about relationships. My friends (ok, and occasionally myself) included. I don't know how this isn't so obvious it's not literally hitting her in the face but here it is: He's just not that into you!

Case Study: Lisa
Lisa is in a 8 year relationship, which is quickly going nowhere. This guy is basically the only real boyfriend and has been long distance almost the entire time. She drives 3 hours to visit him on weekends fairly frequently, though he rarely comes to visit her. When he does come to visit he never wants to do anything or socialize with her friends (me included!). She even admits that he doesn't enjoy doing anything that she thinks is fun. She's going to a wedding in Spain this summer and he doesn't want to go. Even worse than that, is that she doesn't mind because she thinks her brother would be more fun.

The problem with this honeymoon of love, is that after 8 years, she has yet to see a ring. They've talked about it, he doesn't want to get engaged until they've lived together, not that it'll be happening anytime soon. Believe me, she wants to get married, she talks about it almost daily. At first, all the obsessive ring talk didn't bother me but now it drives me crazy. How can she not see what is so clear? If he's not marrying you, he's just not that into you. No excuses. No wanting to live together first. If a guy wants to marry you, he'll marry you.

Although she's admitted that maybe she might need to break up with him, she won't do it because it will be too hard. Yes, breakups are hard, that's why they're called breakups. But wasting the prime years of your life, with a chump who won't commit, is even harder in the long run. As an example of how out of touch she is, she seriously does not understand the song "Single ladies (put a ring on it)" by Beyonce. If you listen to the lyrics its basically saying, "if you wanted to keep me you should of committed." Talk about denial! I just might have to email her the lyrics.


I've tried dropping hints and making casual comments. But I'm at a loss. My only hope is going to see the movie He's just not that into you. I've read one of the characters is in a 7 year relationship and not yet engaged. Hopefully this sends the right message.

Hanging out

Well it’s official. I’m hanging out with a boy. We’ve watched a movie. We’ve gone out for drinks. We’ve talked baseball. We’ve even competed in friendly competitions of fooseball and antique videogames. What more could a girl ask for? Oh, that’s right, a date.

I know what you’re thinking. You’ve read the book, you’ve had the epiphany, you’ve all but tattooed the saying onto your left buttocks, “He’s just not that into you.” Yes, it’s true that if a man is really into you, he will date you. He will not call you up that night and invite you over for a movie that neither of you can follow. He will call you days in advance, to check your availability to go to dinner, in which he will pay. I get it, yet here I am, just hanging out. And I feel fine about it.

Is it so wrong to hang out with a guy and let it play out? Is it a dishonor to womankind to not require a night at the movies? Nay. I'm a big girl, and I know what I'm doing. I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm looking for a distraction. I'm not looking for Mr. Right, I'm looking for Mr. Right Now. I'm not looking for a commitment, I'm looking for....(would it be slutty to say, a good time?) somebody to hang out with.

And I'm not entirely sure if I'm that into him. Sure he's cute, reasonably fun, and hates the Yankees. But he lacks facial hair, is slightly timid, and doesn't always get my jokes. So until I decide if I'm just that into him, my options will be kept wide open. Although I could be easily swayed if he comes through with those Fenway tickets....a girl has needs.

What part of He's Just Not that Into You do you not understand?

Ladies, we are smart creatures. Some may argue the smartest. We are capable of running large corporations, giving birth, holding high political office, and even running for President. So why, when it comes to an attractive chap, do we forget about all these things that we're capable of and turn into insecure maniacs? This is why every girl needs a copy of He's Just Not That Into You (Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo) to keep handy every time you want to call up a girlfriend to dissect last night's date's body language. I don't believe in "self-help" books, or even dating books, since most of them are complete crap, (which is why we've included a list of the only books of that sort that are worth your time on our page) but this one is necessary.

Behrendt claims that "men are not that complicated, although they'd like you to think they are." Turns out, if they're into us, they'll let us know. What? No games? If our girl Bridget read this, it would BLOW HER MIND.

Apparently, it's all very simple. He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out, not calling you (DON'T call him), not dating you, not having sex with you, having sex with someone else, only wants to see you when he's drunk, he's disappeared on you, breaking up with you, doesn't want to marry you (so if you're still holding out for that ring after 8 years, it's best to call it a day), he's married, or if he's a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak.

Now, I've been disappeared on, but that didn't really have that much of an effect on me. (You remember The Heavy Breather, right?) But I am embarrassed to say that after my ex-imaginary boyfriend suggested that we go back to "just being friends," I didn't really believe him. Don't ask me why or how I was capable of this kind of stupidity, but sadly, it's true. I figured it was only a matter of time before he came to his senses and came crawling back. Then I read this book. When I read the words "100% of men polled said that when they broke up with someone, it always meant that they didn't want to go out with them anymore," I almost called up my alma mater and offered to give back my degree. It's so simple!

Yes, we all want to find someone to live out our old age with, but don't we all deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is seriously into us? I know that Greg has never met me, but when he says that I'm a foxy, smart, funny woman who deserves better, I believe him.

So dump the bum, get out there, and find the man who thinks you're a goddess!