It amazes me how clueless women can be about relationships. My friends (ok, and occasionally myself) included. I don't know how this isn't so obvious it's not literally hitting her in the face but here it is: He's just not that into you!
Case Study: Lisa
Lisa is in a 8 year relationship, which is quickly going nowhere. This guy is basically the only real boyfriend and has been long distance almost the entire time. She drives 3 hours to visit him on weekends fairly frequently, though he rarely comes to visit her. When he does come to visit he never wants to do anything or socialize with her friends (me included!). She even admits that he doesn't enjoy doing anything that she thinks is fun. She's going to a wedding in Spain this summer and he doesn't want to go. Even worse than that, is that she doesn't mind because she thinks her brother would be more fun.
The problem with this honeymoon of love, is that after 8 years, she has yet to see a ring. They've talked about it, he doesn't want to get engaged until they've lived together, not that it'll be happening anytime soon. Believe me, she wants to get married, she talks about it almost daily. At first, all the obsessive ring talk didn't bother me but now it drives me crazy. How can she not see what is so clear? If he's not marrying you, he's just not that into you. No excuses. No wanting to live together first. If a guy wants to marry you, he'll marry you.
Although she's admitted that maybe she might need to break up with him, she won't do it because it will be too hard. Yes, breakups are hard, that's why they're called breakups. But wasting the prime years of your life, with a chump who won't commit, is even harder in the long run. As an example of how out of touch she is, she seriously does not understand the song "Single ladies (put a ring on it)" by Beyonce. If you listen to the lyrics its basically saying, "if you wanted to keep me you should of committed." Talk about denial! I just might have to email her the lyrics.
I've tried dropping hints and making casual comments. But I'm at a loss. My only hope is going to see the movie He's just not that into you. I've read one of the characters is in a 7 year relationship and not yet engaged. Hopefully this sends the right message.
1 comment:
I will never for the life of me, understand relationships that last longer than 5 years without an eternal commitment. (I have no problems with couples who have no interest in getting married for whatever reason as long as they both feel that way, but obviously this is not the case with "Lisa.")
If I had been dating someone for 1/4 of my life, and after all that time he STILL wasn't sure I was The One, I would send him packing. If I were sure I wanted to marry someone, and I heard the words "not sure" come out of his mouth, I'm absolutly positive I would fall out of love with him right then and there.
But then again, when you have invested so much in someone (8 years!)it would be easy not to be able to see anything past that someone. Sometimes, you just gotta rip off the band-aid.
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