Don't you dare call me a Twi-hard

You guys!

I've been home a week since my trip to the Pacific Northwest and I haven't even told you about it yet?!  It's ok, I haven't unpacked either (I'm an adult, I do what I want).  It was a very grown up trip, might I say.  I was going for an interview, ya know, because I'm a grown-up.  I brought my laptop, which I actually did work on. I brought a dress, which I actually ironed in the hotel.  I brought heels, which I actually wore.  I brought hair products, which I surprisingly used!  I also brought my mother.  Don't laugh.  I really like my Mom. Even when she drives me absolutely mad.  It was mother's day weekend,  how awesome a daughter am I?!

We spent two days in Seattle.  I loved Seattle.  Would someone please get me a job in Seattle?  (Preferably as a wedding planner or back-up singer?  I'm really good at upholstering things too, if that helps.  Like, super good.  Seriously, Violet and I have agreed that upholstering may be my only true talent).  Unfortunately, the job I was interviewing for was not in Seattle (nor did it include upholstery), but it did give us a great day to drive around the Olympic Peninsula, where we stopped on several rocky beaches and hiked in moss covered forests.  And stopped in two little towns of Port Angeles and Forks.

First off, let me say, I promised Violet I'd never go to Forks without her.  But once we decided to do the Olympic Peninsula drive, there was no way to not go through the setting of the Twilight Saga.  Secondly, I'd just like to say: Bella is a whiny bitch.  Seriously, Bella.  This place is gorgeous.  You're a fool.

Port Angeles is lovely.  I found some sea glass on the rocky beaches.  The ferry to Victoria was in the port and the paper mill was...well, smelly.  But apparently I could have seen Bella's prom dress in the shop window and eaten mushroom ravioli at the Italian restaurant her and Edward went to.  As we made our way to Forks, my mom asked why Forks was chosen.

"It has the most clouds/rain in the US.  Vampires can't go out in the sun, they sparkle."
"Sparkle?! I thought they shriveled or exploded in the sun."
"No, Mom.  That's in made up stories....Where's LaPush on the map?  ... That's where the werewolves live"
"I thought Twilight was about vampires?"
"It is,  but it also has a pack of werewolves.  They're enemies, obviously."

Somehow this conversation made me feel ridiculous.  I'm 26 years old.  A little too old to be heading to the  setting of a fictional love story about vampires and werewolves,  that's clearly meant for tweens.  Oh, and I'm with my mother (being with Violet would have made it ok).

But I forgot about that, because the drive from Port Angeles to Forks was gorgeous, windy road, mostly right along a huge lake. Why didn't Bella mention is was so pretty (because she's a whiny bitch, and ok, also because Stephenie Myer had never been there when she wrote it).  It's picturesque Washington state.  We stopped for a short hike to a lovely waterfalls, among huge pine trees and moss covered logs.  Ah, Olympic Peninsula, you make me want to literally hug a tree.

Forks is nothing to brag about.  After quickly stopping to get gas on the outskirts of town, it took all of 1 minute to drive through it.  We didn't go to all the tourist spots that a pamphlet I picked up had told me about.  We didn't see "the Cullen house", Bella's truck, the high school, or Dr. Cullen's reserved parking spot at the hospital.  Ya know why I didn't go see them? Because these people aren't real!  I did however see the grocery store where Bella shopped, the outfitter's where Bella worked, and on a unrelated note, a logging museum.  No, Forks is nothing to brag about, but Bella, I still say you're a whiny bitch.  Sorry, twi-hards.

Underage Hotties

I have always been a proud member of Team Edward. But my, oh my, a live-action Jacob is doing a mighty fine job of trying to convince me to switch camps. Reminding myself he's barely legal...

I'd take the brother

Yesterday, on a beautiful Friday afternoon I sat through a typical lab meeting.
Instead of my mind wandering to being outside, or of my evening plans with HOG, my attention was completely captivated by the fine specimen sitting at the head of the conference table. Talk about eye candy. Think Emmett Cullen, minus the curls, and this is exactly what you get, (and yes hotter than the one in the movie). Dark complexion, brown eyes, dimples, personality and don't forget the body. Yum.

As I was staring at him (and might I mention that he kept making eye contact with me and smiling) there were a couple of things I tried to keep in mind.

1. Emmett is an undergrad in my lab, my undergrad to be exact, and therefore I am his superior.
2. He looks extremely good in dress clothes
3. Not only is he a sophomore in college, but he's a sophomore frat boy, who's not yet 21.
4. I vividly remember seeing him without his shirt on when we played water polo. And it was good.
5. He usually smells like he needs to reapply some deodorant.
6. With body odor in mind, I think it would be perfectly acceptable to hire him over the summer to do yardwork, while I sat and watched from the safety of the deck.

Ok, so it would be somewhat inappropriate to have relations with this guy. And yes, when I was a senior in college, he was a senior in high school. And no he can't even buy me a drink.

Though in my defense, my ex-imaginary boyfriend was also my undergrad/frat boy and that wasn't inappropriate. And ok, he was my age and there was a lot of fuckwittage in the end, but when it was good, it was gooooood (and totally worth it).

So forgive me for wanting to have some fun while I'm young. A girl has needs. It really won't be too much longer before I'll just be a creepy cougar hiring 20-year-olds to do lawnwork.

So I'll just keep thinking about making out with him, and the very large hole I may need dug for no apparent reason in my backyard. I blame the heat. I makes me so....delirious..

(And yes, Hanging Out Guy is good, thanks for asking).

Baltimore Dan Saves the Day!

I received some blindingly obvious boy advice from an actual boy today. I've been in contact with Halpert, who asked for my number over the weekend. I gave it to him, and he used it within 24 hours. (v. good sign) We talked for a full hour; about everything and anything. He sounds like a winner: he works with kids in an after school program, spent time in culinary school, has a charming southern accent, and has read Twilight for crying out loud (and before you cock that eyebrow Grayer, let me just point out that he works with 6th graders, and as someone who has recently worked with 6th graders, there isn't much else that 6th graders talk about. The curiousity will eventually get to you.) We even discovered we were at the same concert two years ago, which really goes to show you, you can meet people just about anywhere. You just usually don't.

That was Monday. By Friday, I still hadn't heard anything more from him. So I turned to one of my best guy friends, Baltimore Dan, for advice. I laid out the situation, and when I was finished, he said:
BD: Girls are allowed to call too, in my book.
Vi: But all the books I've read said not to call.
BD: Yeah, the thing is, guys don't read those books.
Vi: (laughs out loud, slaps self on forehead, has Peter on the road to Damascus type epiphany) Huh. So, if a girl called you on a Friday afternoon to ask how your week was, you wouldn't think that was pathetic?
BD: Absolutely not.

Baltimore Dan then went on to point out that every guy is different, and the dating books aren't necessarily universal. Then he told me to throw them away. The thing is, it makes perfect sense to me to call 50/50. He calls, I call, he calls, I call. But I felt like I was reading differently. Maybe I was reading wrong? But Baltimore Dan made it sound so simple. "So call him, leave him a message if you have to, and if he doesn't call back, that's that." He did, however, caution me to only call once, but he needn't worry about me.

So I did. And Halpert actually answered the phone. He was on his way to teach the Future of America, but we chatted for a bit until he got there. Then he asked if I would be around to chat some more later this evening (I have plans) and told me he would call back tomorrow. So, I guess if he doesn't, that's that. Thank you, Baltimore Dan.

We're All in This Together!

Grayer and I have a secret. But before I spill the beans, let me just say that we are both well-educated, mature (sometimes), well-rounded adults. We both read books, sometimes really fat ones, enjoy traveling the world, and I for one enjoy the occasional pretentious foreign film.

We also happen to be closet High School Musical fans.

Yes, that High School Musical. (HSM for those in the know.) The one with the singing and the dancing and the almost kissing. It all started innocently enough. During a weekend visit, I picked the original up at the library claiming I just "wanted to see what all the fuss was about." It was a good time. The singing, the dancing, the dreamy teen sensation.... Then over Christmas we netflix'd HSM2. More dancing! More singing! And this time they actually kissed!

But then HSM: Senior Year came out in theaters, and we were faced with a dilemma. We couldn't actually go see it in the theater. Before, we simply checked it out of the library (for free) and added it to the netflix que. We were completely innocent in that we didn't actually make a plan to go to the theater at a specific time and pay $10 to see it. We're not ready to come out of the closet just yet.

We're not alone, however. When the movie came out in October, I found this article about other adult fans, many of them asking their friends if they could borrow their children to take to the theater. (I pause to take a sip out of my HSM hologram cup, a gift from G herself.)

Is this a phenomenon of the 21st century? Adults being fans of pop culture originally meant for children, that is. Just recently, we had the Twilight moms, and I myself was at a midnight premiere, courtesy of tickets I purchased 10 days ahead of time. And how did I get into Twilight in the first place? As a way to get over the end of Harry Potter, thank you very much. And you better believe I will be at the theater (preferably IMAX) at midnight on July 17. I think this one looks like it could be the best movie yet.

Grayer and I still haven't seen Senior Year. Oh, we'll watch it eventually, but right now we're in different states. We couldn't possibly watch it alone. I admit, it's way past time to let go of all my 80s cartoon paraphernalia. Those Strawberry Shortcake pajama pants just aren't sexy. But I'm not giving up my HSM hologram cup.

Question of the Week: Bella Swan: Modern Day Juliet?

We here at WWBD? cannot deny that we are Twi-hards (die-hard fans of Twilight and the new breed of vampire). I think it's safe to say that we are all a little in love with Edward (but apparently not as much as we are with Jim Halpert), but the heroine, Bella, is a controversial figure. So I pose this week's Question of the Week:

Is Bella a stereotypical teenage girl, madly in love with her super-hot vampire boyfriend?

or

Is her devotion to said super-hot vampire boyfriend and the fact that she cooks dinner AND washes the dishes for her father every day a giant step backwards for female characters and feminists?