Single's Awareness Day (if you didn't know you're single, you do now) is a revolution taking over the country (ok, maybe just taking over my groups of friends). But this non-holiday should come with a few warnings, which some of us learn the hard way. Here's how I spent my SAD and here is what I learned.
My friend Lisa, who I will now refer to as "8-year-Lisa," was all depressed because surprise, surprise, her loser long distance boyfriend didn't do anything for her for Valentine's day. This is kind of her fault since she sort of told him not to, and then she sent him something, making her feel doubly miserable.
Warning: Do not pretend to not care about Valentine's day, when you actually do care about Valentine's day. You are ensuring disappointment.
Because I'm an awesome friend, I decided to boost her spirits by having people over to my place for a night of boardgames and chocolate martinis (nothing lifts spirits like our beloved chocolate in an intoxicating form). I admit I even drove 15 min to find a liquor store that was still open. It was an emergency!
While we were out, I get a call from my Hanging Out Guy, he had stopped by my apartment and left me something on his way to his friends house. Dammit.
Warning: Firm non-believers of Valentine, should always nonchalantly slip into casual conversation several days in advance that they are in fact, firm non-believers of Valentine. It would prevent awkwardness.
This immediately made me extremely uncomfortable, as I happened to be in Walmart seeing all the paraphernalia, and starting to sweat. Honestly, the blinding pink crap looked like Cupid vomited in the aisles. (Although I did enjoy seeing husbands desperately scanning the shelves at 8 o'clock that night). I forbade Lisa from speaking of this ever again, and silently resolved, that if there was a red stuffed animal of any kind sitting at my door, then I would never see him again.
It was just a box of chocolates. The heartshaped box was unfortunate, but I like chocolate. I decided I could handle, and it went perfectly with my chocolate martinis. (But does it make me a bad person that I'm glad I wasn't there to receive that gift?) It didn't take long for 8-year-Lisa to realize what had just happened. A guy I'm casually seeing did something for me, but her long term boyfriend did nothing for her.
Warning: If a firm nonbeliever receives an unwanted/unneeded gift on Valentine's, do not let the pretending nonbeliever friend with an idiot of a boyfriend become aware of said gift. It will only lead to more disappointment and awkwardness.
The chocolates were passed around all night, and none remain. Playing Cranium with friends (including my new favorite couple) left us rolling on the floor laughing and I slept well in a chocolate/alcohol induced coma. Can't wait for next year.
1 comment:
Oh, 8-year Lisa. She's so silly. And a heart-shaped box from hanging out guy? While you're right that the heart-shape was quite unfortunate, it sounds to me like hanging out guy wants to be more than hanging out.
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