Oh, Hanging Out Guy.
He's super nice, funny and cute. He dresses well enough, smells good, and looks good in a baseball hat. He's always up for doing anything, even with just my friends. He even remembers their names and that Lisa had a birthday last week. His apartment is clean, he takes good care of pets, and he even let me name one of his fish in his huge immaculately clean tank (Her name is Princess Consuela). We've watched Office marathons, walked the dog on a beach, and make an amazing fooseball team together.
So here's the kicker, the kid has never tried to make a move on me.
I'm talking nothing. Forget second base, he's barely rounded first. We've made out a couple times, but I'm pretty darn sure I initiated that. I feel like we've spent enough time together now that this is just getting strange. And for a guy that's actually a year older than me, in this aspect, I kind of feel like I'm hanging out with a teenage boy. One who's cool, but kind of awkward when it comes to this stuff.
So, what gives? Is he just not that into me, or not that into girls? Are we just friends, with occasional benefits, or just friends period? Am I supposed to jump him and make him see the light, or just continue on this strange path? A little help, please???
4 comments:
Oooh, this one is tricky. I want to say that it sounds dangerously like an imaginary boyfriend, HOWEVER, the boy did bring you a heart-shaped box of chocolates on Valentine's (ne, Singles Awareness Day), no? That fact alone would indicate that he wants to be your valentine. Imaginary boyfriends don't like to acknowledge that particular commercial holiday, and if they do, it's very well disguised. (I got a mix CD from mine one V-Day, and before you can say Love is a Mixed Tape, I should point out that he told me ahead of time he was going to make one.) Anything that comes in a heart shape is not disguised. Have you ever discussed religious beliefs? Perhaps he is an old-fashioned fellow who believes 2nd base is a sacred place, only to be visited upon formal commitment. I had a roommate who had a 3 feet on the floor rule (actually, it may have been 4 feet on the floor, I can't remember, although I don't think it matters, as there is a plethora of fornication that can happen with any number of feet on the floor) with her then-boyfriend now-husband until they were married. Seriously.
P.S. Fantastic title.
Update: He is not at all religious (yes, I asked). His friends don't seem to think its a possibility that he's gay (but they were suspecting his roommate). His friends also seem to think that I'm something more than a friend (they already knew stuff about me upon our first meeting). And he did actually kiss me last night.
I'm still taking suggestions. But this feet on the floor rule is hilarious. Seeing that she's now married, maybe she was on to something...
OK, here is what I think. What we absolutely want to avoid is gaining an imaginary boyfriend. In order to do this, set up a deadline. Let's say one month (just for example purposes, feel free to shorten- but DO NOT expand.) In that month, set some boundaries. Let's all take a lesson from my prude-ish college roommate and not allow him to round second base. You know that old giving the milk away for free adage. Yes, it worked for her. If he hasn't made a case for something more by your deadline, it's time to cut him off completely. (And don't be afraid to just come out and ask, that is usually how members of the male species have to be handled.) If he still can't make up his mind by your deadline, you're clearly at Imaginary Girlfriend and/or Friend with Benefits status, which is fine if that's what you want it to be. But if you want more, you're going to have to demand more, and setting for anything less is simply not OK.
I think at this point it is OK to just ask where he thinks this is going so that you are on the same page. It could save you the frustration of guessing what he might be thinking. Maybe he is just shy with girls and intimidated by your awesomeness?
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