The Disappearing Act

As I mentioned in my answer to last week's Question of the Week, my biggest dating pet peeve is the disappearance. Sadly, I've been a victim of the disappearance. Remember The Heavy Breather? Yup, he was the guilty party. And before I smear his reputation, let me just say that overall, he's a very good guy. But as we all know far too well, fuckwittage can happen to good people.

After we had been seeing each other for just over a month (both on the rebound, remember) The Heavy Breather started to annoy me. His lame jokes were no longer cute, they were groan inducing, and I suddenly realized that he had this horribly annoying habit of saying "Well, if it makes you feel any better..." after I said anything that was slightly negative or complaining (or even if I wasn't, it was really weird. Come to think about it, maybe he was trying to steer the conversation back to himself?) But I decided to give him one more chance not to annoy me. Only then he disappeared. He stopped calling. He was suddenly busy. The last straw was when he suggested getting together on a particular Friday night, then five minutes later, he told me that Friday night really wasn't good for him. Excuse me? So I told him to quit being a fuckwit (and yes, I used that term, he told me later he had to look it up in the urban dictionary).

In order to give you all the details, here is the conversation Scarlet and I had just after this happened, saved forever thanks to gmail. (And yes, all our conversations are this fascinating.)

V: I have serious news for you
it's about The Heavy Breather
S: oh?
V: oh yes
So he emails me today and asks what I want to do on Friday, so I tell him
I suggest a movie, and I even send him a link to the showtimes and the theaters in which it is playing
I did all the work
so he emails me back (this is all within a few hours) and tells me he doesn't think he has time for a movie, maybe just some ice cream or maybe not at all and maybe hanging out on Friday is just a bad idea
WTF?!?!?!
S: why did he even bother to email you
V: I don't know
S: he could have just let it go...it would have been less awkward
V: oh there's more
so I'm checking my e-mail before Ugly Betty, and he dinks me to tell me he's sorry again about tomorrow night
I said ok
then he says he thought he'd have more time, but there's things he needs to talk to me about
so I borrowed a phrase from Bridget Jones and did something I've never ever done before, and told him it seemed like complete fuckwittage
S: HAHAHA
V: thank you
S: and his response?
V: I believe he was quite shocked
S: by the way...well played
V: thank you very much
S: it was time to either address his so called fuckwittage or to get your stuff and end all contact
V: then I told him, Let me get this straight. You disappear. Then you make plans for Friday. THen you email me to ask me what I want to do on Friday (with no qualifiers) then you tell me you don't know if you even have time to hang out at all
COMPLETE FUCKWITTAGE!
Honestly, when I got his email response, I was seething
S: yeah I would be
he is such a tease
...
V: So he sent me an apology email, and I'm working on the response
...
S: he didn't respond to your comment explaining his fuckwittage?
V: "To b completely honest, I've been meaning to hang out with you for a while, if for no other reason than because I want to talk with you about a few things and I want us to be able to remain friends -- I'm hoping that I haven't completely screwed up the latter."
his words, by the way
S: so basically he only wants to hang out with you to say that he doesn't want to date you anymore and he wanted it to be something quick so he can get it over with and be on his way
V: well, yes
S: good way to initiate that friends thing
V: right
by ignoring me for three weeks
I'm trying to think of a plan of rebuttal
S: gotta say...I would have never guessed he could be such a jerk
do you really think he wants to be friends with you?
V: I actually do
...
he's ignored me, but on the rare occasion that I have talked to him, he's all friendly and stuff
S: yeah but that could be just because at heart he is a nice guy
V: right
underneath all the fuckwittage
****

The thing is, I knew he was dating someone else, and I didn't really care. He is a serial monogamist (this happened only about a year ago, and he has had two serious girlfriends in that time.), and I was, as I am known to do, about to leave the country for an extended period of time, so we both knew it wasn't going anywhere. Why did he feel the need to avoid me? It only made things worse.