Oh heartbreak... What a terrible and restless feeling. Like trying to reach the shallow end of a monster community pool, where you know the bottom will be within big toe reach any second now but the nervous desperate exhaustion scares the pee out of you and the only option is to keep paddling and glance towards the unfocused life guard. It's that feeling- that nervous desperate exhaustion- that characterizes me these days. I can't shake it. I want something completely unobtainable, something I know I should ignore and forget about. Terribly enough, I often view myself as unworthy and easily forgotten- but I know this is a fabrication of my depression during my positive moments.
So what do I do? Is this just a phase I need to work through, like unemployment or finals week? Will my desperation go away? Will I ever stop staring at my phone from 10-10:30 pm- looking at past text messages and willing a phone call?
I'm trying the overworking plan, two jobs and mega hours. It works during the day. I'm also trying the over-exercising under-eating plan, that at least makes me feel sexy which leads me to wonder if he would think I looked good. I've even tried break-up shopping. I'm drinking and partying more as well. Next I think I'll of moving into heavy drugs or adrenaline pumping behaviors. I'll wait on that though, they cost money and are quite dangerous.
When did this desperate reaction start? Could I now be a part of the billion year old broken heart club? If so, what did cave women and monkeys do when their man said he needed space and didn't want to be their caveman or monkeyman anymore? Are their any hieroglyphics that tell the secret to a broken heart? Could there be a natural remedy from the Native Americans we have yet to tap into? Maybe the vikings have some vicious tradition against such sad times.
What do we ladies do now? I hate gritting my teeth and dealing. Who wants patience in a time like this. I need immediate gratification with long term effects (positive effects please). What options do we have other than promiscuous rebound dating and ignoring the situation all together and playing imaginary girlfriend to an absent boy?
Feel free to comment and suggest. I need all the ugly and sarcastic help I can get.
1 comment:
I know it's cliche, but they (and by they, I mean "I") say the best way to get over someone is by getting under someone else...
Yes, I know it's only a temporary fix, but eventually, you'll realize you don't miss him anymore.
And I'm pretty sure the cavewomen literally knocked sense into their men by hitting them over the head with a stick.
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