There's no judging on this blog, so hear me out.
Recently I've been having the strange urge to get back in touch with Fergus. I know this makes me sounds crazy but again, hear me out.
For those of you who don't know, Fergus is my ex-boyfriend. We met when Vi and I were living in Peru. Fergus and I had a very intense relationship. 2 months after we met I went travelling around South America for 6 weeks. I then went back to Peru, moved in with Fergus and stayed there for 5 more months. On our return to the UK he lived with his parents in Scotland and I was home in England. During this time I began to feel very differently about him and then we had a very awkward 6 weeks in India and Nepal. We broke up as soon as we got back.
After the break-up I began to feel the RAGE. I haven't seen him since. Through Facebook I found out that he is also now living in London. I had to delete him off Facebook. The rage has now dissipated, which is good. I'm now with the White Horse, which is really good so I shouldn't be giving Fergus a second thought right?
Here's the thing. I've been thinking that I should see him again. Obviously not see him in that was, but meet up to chat about things. It's not like I want to dissect our relationship or what went wrong but I feel like I'm missing a little closure. (Friends reference!)
What I find difficult to come to terms with is the fact that I went from being really in love with this guy, honestly thinking I would spend the rest of my life, to not wanting to be with him, to not want him to touch me, in a remarkably short period of time. And I still don't get this. Which irritates me. We shared a lot together and he was the first guy that I lived with and now we don't talk. The problem is that I'm one of these people that finds it difficult to let the past go, and I don't think I've completely let this go. Please understand, I have zero feelings for this guy. Zero.
Never mind. Judge away. I'm crazy.
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