A Single's Awareness Day treat

Happy SAD!  I have some things to share with you, see you don't need dinner/chocolates/teddy bear hearts, you have a Valentine's Day Pub Crawl to hear about.  I went.  I saw.  I crawled.  I got drunk boys to tell me things.  It was a lively day starting at 2 in the afternoon that ended with my friends and I crashing a Hahvarhd party at a museum full of breakables.  Yep, you're totally invested in hearing this story now, aren't ya?

Violet gave me a few tasks accomplish. I'm not one to step down from a challenge.  I didn't accomplish them all, I easily lose focus you see, but damnit I tried.

• Complete a mad libs with random strangers (then share it with us).  *Coming soon, I've lost it in my mess of a room.
• Acquire a condom from a stranger (not the machine in the bathroom).  When you ask strangers if they have condoms, they kind of get the wrong idea.  FAIL.
• Find a mullet (we'll be needing photographic evidence).  Send me to a hipster club I'll take my picture with at least 15 of them, send me on an organized pub crawl, a very non hipster scene and not one can be found.  FAIL.
• Have a bartender create a shot/drink just for you.  Yeah so bartenders dealing with hundreds of people aren't really into the whole shootin' the shit thing that normally leads to specially made drinks.  However, at around 3 in the afternoon I did convince the bartender to use the Whipped cream flavored vodka (their special and yes it did taste like whip cream) with orange juice.  Can you say creamsicle mixed drink? SCORE. 
• Find a person wearing pink panties.  I was wearing pink unmentionables which I normally wouldn't count but I was also wearing pink-heart-argyle socks (because me mother likes to send socks with Vday cards) to complete the ensemble.  Got to give me a point for style.  SCORE. 
• ...and a man with cartoons on his boxer shorts.  In a classic "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" move, I got a flash of Tazmanian Devil boxers.  But wait, it gets better.  Taz was wearing boxers too.  This blew my drunken mind.  SCORE.
• Acquire the autographs of the following:

1. A firefighter.  Apparently firefighters are to good for pubcrawls.  FAIL.
2. Celebrity.  Benjamin Franklin. Huzzah!  Ok so it wasn't really him, but it was a guy dressed like him (it's Boston, this is what people do) who apparently is always dressed like him all over town, so he in himself is kind of a celebrity.  Double SCORE. 
3. A non-U.S. citizen.  My pool partner.  I don't know his name, nor where he was from but he was definitely not from here.  He was majoring in something ridiculous like nuclear particle physics and that's about the only thing I could understand him saying.  SCORE.
4. A Boston native.  Wicked pissah! SCORE.

• Acquire 5 phone numbers from attractive young men.  I got two.  With style.  The first one was written in sharpie on a slap-on bracelet.  It was snapped on my wrist as I walked by.  This is how I want to give out my number from now on.  The second was written on a Valentine, which had hearts and puppies on it.  I lost it but I remember it saying something about being a great teacher? 
• Give out your phone number at least once.  Totally wrote my number on a bar napkin.  Totally nonchalantly slid it over to him.  Totally haven't heard from him.  SCORE.  I also drunk text the SlapOn guy, he figured out I was Gretchen the nurse without me telling him.  I was impressed (FYI, I was Gretchen the nurse). 
• Get the sob story of someone who has just been dumped.  Nope.  But can I just say, there were a lot of unfriendly dudes out.  If you're unfriendly to cute girls at a pubcrawl, then what the hell are you doing at a pubcrawl??
• Sing a duet (there must be an audience) Didn't even try.  FAIL.
• Convince someone you are British (obviously don't show them this list).  Didn't convince anyone of this (lost focus) but did loudly speak in a, for lack of better terms, "British" accent while walking to the subway.  FAIL (because I don't think anyone knew it was supposed to be British). 
• Convince someone you are building a DNA machine.  The one thing I do not talk about when I am drunk (or hardly ever) is science.  Even greatly exaggerated science to sound cool.  FAIL.

Other fun things that happened:  SlapOn guy gave me a fake pearl necklace with a real rose on it.  I wore it (until I lost it, I think when Bernard was putting me in headlocks, trying to stop my "British" banter) but I also proved to everyone that it was in fact, a real rose, by rubbing it on their face.  That rose saw a lot of face.  Another guy asked me if I had plans for Valentine's Day and if I wanted to go to the Olive Garden with him tonight.  No, I said, I have yoga class. Sorry but when you live in a city with an entire neighborhood of good ass Italian restaurants, you say no to Olive Garden.   After a solid 7 hours of pubcrawling we decided we were too cool for such shenanigans and decided to hit a real party.  A real private party that is.  We were with a coworker who had been invited to a grad student reception at a Hahvahd museum (yeah I have cool friends).  We walked in like we owned the place, skipped the name tag table and went straight for the free wine and beer.  I was really into their appetizers, almost as much as I was into touching things I wasn't supposed to be touching.  It's amazing we didn't get kicked out.