Things are still going good with The Engineer. I listened to the advice of the WWBD advisement board (aka Violet and Grayer) and made him cookies for his birthday. They seemed to go over well! I’ve been seeing him twice a week for the last few weeks and basically talking to him daily through either the phone or email since we met in February. (He actually told me “it would be nice to see you more than once per week!” a couple of weeks ago…I didn’t know guys were capable of such openness!) The other guys I’ve dated I always either found myself annoyed that the guy didn’t call when he said he would or the other extreme, wishing he would leave me alone so I could relax/hang out with friends. One of the things I really like about The Engineer is that he seems to understand when to call but also when not to call. For example, I was visiting one of my old friends the other weekend who just went through a bad breakup and he understood that this was time I set aside for my friend.
Anyway, with some encouragement from one of my friends, I decided to invite The Engineer to a meetup activity next weekend. After asking him I realized that, as we have not defined the relationship, I don’t know what to introduce him as to my meetup friends, some of which don’t know that I’m dating anyone. The thing is that I’m pretty sure that he isn’t dating anyone else either. I talk to him frequently enough that I basically know what he is up to every night and maybe even in more detail than is necessary. (While I can certainly stomach it, I don’t really need to know the consistency of your dog’s poo!)
So I guess this Question of the Week has two parts. First, when is it appropriate to have this discussion and is the conversation even necessary? (Like Grayer, I have a friend who had the discussion with her boyfriend, who is now her fiancé, on the third date. On the other hand, I have a friend who dated a guy for several months before he introduced her as his girlfriend and later asked something like “you are my girlfriend right?”)
Secondly, what is your suggested course of action for handling this with The Engineer? Should I introduce the topic for discussion? If I forgo the “defining the relationship” conversation until later, how do I introduce The Engineer to my meetup friends?
2 comments:
I wouldn't suggest having the talk just yet. Nothing can kill a relationship faster than a premature "talk." Let him bring it up (unless it becomes a ridiculously long period of time, at which point, I would advise differently). How about not giving him a title when you introduce him? As in, "John, this is The Engineer. Engineer, this is John." No need to label it. If they are not close enough to you to know that you're dating him, it's none of their business anyway.
I definitely agree with Violet. You can introduce him with his name, no qualifier attached. I get the sense that he's the kind of guy who will approach the topic of how to define the relationship on his own, especially considering that he wishes he could see you more than one a week. I think that guys like feeling like they've accomplished something.
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