We failed the Chemistry Test

I had my first OkCupid date yesterday afternoon. It was a simple afternoon coffee date, designed to be short and therefore less awkward. That way you don't have to worry if it's not going splendidly, in just a short time, someone has to get back to work.

This date was with The Shaman, a slightly elder (by 8 years) called The Shaman because of his desire to do some shaman work in South America. (Hence is interest in me, since I lived in his country of interest.) He also told me that he's just wrapping up a book on spiritual enlightenment, and while being a shaman (holistic healing using herbs and campfires or something or another) and writing books on spirituality aren't really my thing, I said yes because this is the Year of Yes, remember?

We agreed to meet at the park, and I didn't really see anyone matching his profile photo when I spotted a guy in all leather (in March! on a 70 degree day!) checking out his reflection in his car window, and slicking back the sides of his hair with a comb (a comb!) ala Danny Zuko. "Oh dear God," I thought to myself. "If Danny Zuko is The Shaman I am running away right now, and he'll never have to know I was here." Luckily, Danny Zuko walked away without pause, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. The The Shaman walked around the corner. First impressions: His profile picture is obviously a few years old. He has a lot more gray hair. And, he's short. Shorter than me.

OK, I know that this is the year of yes, and I am trying, really, really trying to be open-minded. But when I realize that a guy is shorter than me, it's a huge turnoff. And I was wearing flats. Just think if I had worn heels! And while we had a decent conversation and he did pass the pay for your date test (no, I'm not old-fashioned, but if a boy asks a girl out, he should pay for her. It works both ways. If a girl asks a boy out, she should pay for him.), there was zero romantic chemistry. I also found out that besides writing, he is also a life coach. And I think being a life coach is a sham of a profession, and I can't really get behind that.

Luckily, he emailed me later on and said that while it was nice meeting me, he realizes there wasn't any spark. Whew. Saves me the trouble. However, he then told me he was also thinking of writing a book on relationships, and would really like to get my opinion on him. Was there a certain moment when I knew there was no spark? What am I supposed to say? When I found out you were a Liliputian? I haven't answered him yet, and I'm pretty sure when I do that it won't be of much help to him. It just wasn't, you know, there.

So I'll turn my attention to my other suitors. There's Papa Smurf, whose random details were great (example: "I once threw a piece of gum into a trash can from like, 20 yards." This makes me laugh. Am I crazy?) and The Cable Guy, who shows the most promise (and who has my number, and he better use it, damnit!) and the Ham Sandwich Guy is still lurking, but we seem to be getting nowhere fast. But I'm just happy to get that first date out of the way.