Be prepared, I'm going deep on this one.
I've recently been advised, by the great ladies of WWBD?, to figure out where my hanging out relationship is going exactly. Hanging Out Guy grows on me every time I see him, but to have an actual conversation about what this thing we're doing is? Ugh. That sounds awful. The problem is, is that I'm not ready for that type of commitment. (Yes, I do realize that I often have the emotions of a man). I'm not ready to stop seeing him, but I'm definitely not ready to call him my boyfriend. Therefore, I would have no answer for him. And seeing that an Imaginary Boyfriend (what this is quickly turning into) is the worse scenario possible, I feel I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I can think of many excuses as to why I'm ok with where we are right now, but that's just what they are: excuses. In reality, it comes down to one thing, just like it has every in any other pseudo-relationship: poor timing. Every time I've ever met someone worth my time, there has always been a looming change, usually in the form of a move, in the near future. So from the very beginning I have known or at least I have planned, that these relationships weren't going anywhere. Why fully invest yourself into something with no future? It's happening all over again with Hanging Out Guy as I will definitely be graduating and most likely be moving within this calendar year.
So the question is, why does this always happen to me? Is it karma? We all know karma is a bitch, and let's face it, I've done some shit. Is karma preventing me from meeting a guy when I actually have time to invest into a guy? Or is it me? Do I only allow myself to be emotionally available when I know nothing can come out of it? Am I... a closet commitment-phobe?
I may be getting ahead of myself with this particular case, but historically speaking, there is strong evidence for this correlation. It would explain a lot. In my defense, admitting you have a problem is the first step. I wonder if there's a support group for this sort of thing...
2 comments:
I don't necessarily think it's a cut and dry case of commitment-phobia. In this case, I can totally understand your hesitation. A few more months is just enough time to get hurt. And having an imaginary boyfriend in this instance may seem harmless (if it has no future) but if you think you can't get hurt by imaginary boyfriends, you've never had one.
What is his situation? Does he have the freedom/flexibility to pick up and move? I think I need to know a bit more about him before I can proceed with quality advice.
As I have had one too many imaginary boyfriends, I know they should be avoided like the hiv. I don't even want to think about if he could pick up and move. Even thinking about it is moving too fast but I suppose he could. He's just working here, but I sense he'd stay in the region to be around his family.
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