If I'm going to be stuck in the office waiting to meet up with friends then I may as well put my time to good use!
Over lunch a couple days ago I was discussing the WW situation with a work friend. NB: this entry is not about WW. I am not over obsessing. The conversation about him was merely the catalyst for this entry. My work friend said that WW and myself are going on a date on Sunday. I said it wasn't a date. She asked why it wasn't a date. I said because if I think it's a date and then nothing date-like happens I'll feel disappointed and stupid. "Besides," said I, "we're just friends going to the cinema. How is that a date?" Work friend retorts: "You're a girl. He's a boy. You kissed last time you met up. Now you're going to the cinema. It's a date." Hmmm...this got me thinking. Now I'm still insisting that Sunday is not a date, but, when is a date a date?
I raised this issue with Vi last night during a quickie skype conversation. I thought that Vi would be able to give me a straightforward answer as she is very wise. However, she was unable to. It would appear that defining a date is very murky territory.
Firstly, we have geographical issues. The idea of what constitutes a date probably differs between the US and the UK. The US is way bigger on 'dating' that over here. Dating over here pretty much consists of getting drunk and kissing someone and then possibly meeting up with them later. Sound familiar...? Seriously though, US dating seems to be much more about seeing each, then having THE CONVERSATION, etc. Then we have regional geographical issues. Vi very rightly commented that she lives in the south. This equals the southern gentleman. So if a southern gentleman were to act in what other people might think of as a 'dating fashion' this might not be the case, it might be because he's just a southern gentleman.
Secondly, we have dating behaviour issues. Vi and I agreed that if the guy pays (or at least offers to pay) then that's a date. Which means that you might not be able to tell if it's a date until you're actually on the date. It also means that the first time I had lunch with Fergus it wasn't a date...
Thirdly, we have venue/activity issues. It would appear that the general consensus is that going for drinks with a guy doesn't necessarily equal a date. But, going to the cinema? Date. Yet no one is able to confirm why this is. Surely drinks is more date like as you have to talk to each other? Another work friend commented that if it's drinks/dinner and the cinema then it's "so a date."
Thoughts? This is just for fun. You can't go round obsessing every time you meet up with a guy if it's date. That's not healthy. If you are however left wondering whether your planned meet up with a guy is a date I shall leave you with some words of wisdom from yet another work friend (it became quite a big discussion in our department this afternoon): if you're meeting up with a guy and you're not sure it's a date, imagine that you had a boyfriend. (Are you imagining?) Now, think of where you and your guy friend are going (i.e. cinema / drinks / the zoo). Do you think your boyfriend would be happy / comfortable with this? (Obviously this would vary depending on how possessive your imaginary boyfriend is). If the answer is no. It's a date.
3 comments:
I'm flattered that you think I'm very wise! (You might be the only one.) While it has been my dream to date a Hugh Grant/Colin Firth/Prince William type, my experience has only been with the American crowd, with an occasional Swiss and Ecuadorian thrown in for flavor.
This is a question that has been plaguing us for years. I can't even say that having the other party pay is definitely a date, because yes, I have been out with my guy friends before who picked up the tab. They're southern, that's what they do. And I won't complain. I think the definition of a date is this: Is there the possibility for sex (or any kind of action, really) afterward? If the answer is yes, then it's a date. Seeing as how you've already snogged Welsh Willy (God, I love that name!) I'd say it's a date. Although remember: if you're interested in him in the long term, keep those legs closed. For now.
Also, based on the email you just sent me saying that he already bought the tickets to the most famous and pricey cinema in London, I'd say it's a date. HOWEVER, if you would feel more comfortable and far less nervous to think of it as just meeting with a friend for a movie and drinks, then by all means, do this.
Agreed. If there is possibility of action, it is a date. However, in some cases there is possibility of action when you know it is not a date. A slippery slope indeed. Personally I only call things a date when I know it is in no way a date. This makes the other party (Conrad, The Mutual Friend, etc.) uncomfortable, which I enjoy. Hey, we gotta keep these guys in check!
Don't worry, my legs are closed. To be honest, they've been closed so long I don't think they know any other way.
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