Deterioration of the Fight or Flight Response

"Human beings need a lot of things to feel alive. Family. Love. Sex. But we only need one thing to actually be alive. We need a beating heart. When our heart is threatened, we respond in one of two ways. We either run or we attack. There’s a scientific term for this: Fight or flight. It’s instinct. We can’t control it. Or can we?” –Grey’s Anatomy

For some reason I was thinking about this quote from Grey’s Anatomy today. It’s been a while now since MM broke my heart. I’m sure you all are getting tired of hearing about it, but I’m finally starting to get over it. I think that quitting my job really helped. I’m happy now. I don’t wake up every morning thinking about MM and dreading going to work. I’m starting to feel like myself again rather than a watered down version. OK so I still don’t jump out of bed singing “Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah, Zip-A-Dee-A! My, oh my, what a wonderful day!”, but who does? I’ve been taking advantage of my freedom. I’ve been going to the gym. I even have an interview for an internship next week. (Hoorah!) I’m feeling positive about my future. There is only one problem…

While I’m no longer pining after MM (v. good), I’m finding that the experience has heightened my flight instinct (v. bad). So I ask you, can we control this? In December, when I first tried to revisit online dating, I panicked and gave into the flight response. I clearly wasn’t ready. However, with my fresh optimism and zest for life, I thought maybe I should give online dating another try after all. I decided that this time I wasn’t going to take it as seriously. I wouldn’t get obsessed and overly excited about guys before I even met them. I was still a little worried that I wasn’t ready, so I was hesitant to even tell anyone. I guess I was embarrassed by my own indecisiveness. (Apparently optimism doesn’t overshadow indecisiveness.) Plus I wanted to make sure I was doing this for me rather than because of some unspoken societal pressure.

One of my first messages was from a guy who wrote some BS about the “dichotomy of women-folk” and told me to check out his profile and see if it spoke to me. It definitely did. It SCREAMED douche bag! Here is an excerpt from his profile for your enjoyment:

I’m a breast man, no two ways about it (get it?). My dad always said, “[Name removed], if it’s more than a handful, it’s wasted!” My father was a wise man. Any bigger than D’s and I’m gonna notice that you got D’s on your hips, belly and thighs too. I don’t like a lot of eye make-up, because I like pretty eyes. No spiderlashes! Not every girl I dated was a model, but I like cute girls. I like waking up next to my girl and believe for a moment that an angel spent the night and kept her wings in her purse while she slept. Then I steal her halo before she wakes up!

Yes ladies, this man is on the market! The breast man went on to state the following list of dating “exclusions” (because you know that the women are just fighting for the chance to date him and he needed to narrow down the playing field): no divorcees, no separatees, no amputees, no mommies, no drugees, no diabetes, no lime disease, no STDs. Well at least he made me laugh.

I’ve been talking to another guy who seems nice and normal. He wants to meet up this weekend, but for some reason I’m hesitant. I told him I wasn’t sure if I was free tonight, but I’d let him know. In reality I had absolutely no plans. I just wasn’t sure if I was ready. The panic is still there, but I can’t live my life in fear of getting hurt. I guess I’m going to have to fight the flight response. This brings to mind fainting goats. Fight or flight? Sometimes you really just can’t decide! Please send positive thoughts my way!