I hate January. It's the absolute worst month of the year. It's long. It's cold. There is nothing to look forward to. Your house is suddenly bare, after you've put away all those Christmas decorations. It's simply no fun.
This year, however, I decided to make some January resolutions. Every weekend, I will do something I've never done before. It all started last weekend, when I went to my first hockey game. First of all, McNerdy and I were handed free tickets that just happened to be worth more than $60. Believe it or not, this is not a first time occurrence for us. The last time we went to a sporting event, we were randomly handed free tickets to a luxury suite. We could definitely get used to this.
I did a bit of "hook-up" hunting in the game program for some hockey hotties. Unfortunately, hockey players tend to live up to their reputation and are missing a few essential teeth, but I figured 1.) They are good enough for Carrie Underwood, and 2.) They are always hot in the movies. And by the movies, I mean the crush I had on Adam Banks in The Mighty Ducks when I was 12, and the movie Miracle, featuring the single-hottest goalie ever. There were definitely some viable options, although I noticed none of them smiled with their teeth in their official photo. Something to keep in mind if baseball players don't work out, though.
I am way more skeptical about tonight's "new thing," however. I'm going to a strip club. And not just any strip club. This is where strippers go to die. Where they spend the last few years before retirement. They have saggy boobs and cesarean scars. Supposedly. I've never been there, obviously. So why am I going? I'm going because the place is a landmark, and it's one of those experiences everyone has to have when they live in this city. I plan on being plenty hammered before I get there.
Oh, and did I mention I'm going with the Dark Horse? Yeah, I'm going to a strip club with The Dark Horse and about 15 of his friends, none of whom I know. And he keeps telling me he's going to buy me a lap dance. I really, REALLY don't want a lap dance.
After this weekend, though, I'm kind of at a loss as to what "new thing" I should do next weekend. I need suggestions. Swing dancing? Speed dating? French cooking class? Suggestions, please.
And tonight? Please think of me...
2 comments:
Hi! i just stumbled onto your blog and was thinking of all the stuff I want to try for the new year, and one of them is definitely sign language lessons. Maybe if just to know a few phrases, but I always thought it was something that might come in handy one day.
Ballroom dancing always looked kind of fun too if you can sucker one of your guy friends into taking the lessons with you :)
I am definitely going to look into some sort of dance lessons, although since Grayer's and my parents are devoted to their dance lessons, I am cautious of turning into them. But one lesson is not enough to call out the Geek Squad. Hopefully McNerdy will be up for it!
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