In honor of International Women's Day today, I thought it would be the perfect time to get a few things off my chest. 

What the hell is going on, America? Seriously, I've only been gone for 6 months, but all of a sudden we seem to have turned back the clocks. It's as if women's lib never happened and we've gone back to being nothing more than baby-making machines. It kind of pisses me off. 

Where to start? How about with quite possibly the biggest Douche Bag on the planet, Rush Limbaugh. All poor Sandra Fluke, a 30-year-old law student wanted to do was exercise her democratic right to go before Congress and speak about the need to include contraception, including hormonal birth control and IUDs, as part of the new health care coverage. And what did she get for this? Rush Limbaugh, on national radio, calling her a "slut" and a "prostitute." For three straight days. Apparently, he didn't get enough national attention for doing it the first time, so he went back on his show the next two days and escalated his misogynistic and outrageous claims until he was so far over the line, as Joey Tribiani would say, the line was a dot to him.

 First, he showed his extreme ignorance by proclaiming that Fluke must be having so much sex she couldn't afford to buy all the birth control. Rush clearly doesn't understand how birth control works. You take one pill a day no matter how much sex you're having. You don't pop a pill every time you have sex. One a day, whether you're having sex 8 times or no times that day. He is clearly confusing birth control with Viagra, a product I have no doubt is necessary for him in order to get it up. Although I highly doubt he can even convince his 4th wife to have sex with him.

And when that didn't get him the attention he felt he needed, he went ahead and said that if the taxpayers were going to be paying for feminazis (because wanting equal rights is at the same level as a political party responsible for the mass slaughter of millions?) to have sex, they needed to get something out of it. And what would that something be? For her to post a sex tape so everyone could benefit. Rush Limbaugh, you are a disgusting, sick, pathetic excuse for a human being. 

At last count, twelve of his sponsors have backed out. Only 12?! And how did the politicians react to this? Did they condemn him? Speak out that he was wrong? Mitt Romney said only that those were not the words he would have used. Really, Mitt? You would have used other words to call her a slut and a prostitute? How many other words are there? You can't stand up to a worthless radio buffoon, but you think you can run this country? You are spineless and pathetic. President Obama on the other hand, is a very smart man, and called Fluke personally to offer his support. Note to Republicans: Women can vote now. Don't piss us off. 

Then there's the trend of government sanctioned rape sweeping across the country. The governor of Virginia, who, until this whole debacle was expected to be a favorite for a vice-presidential run, signed a law requiring any woman who wanted an abortion to undergo an ultrasound by way of vaginal probe. Despite what some people may think, getting an abortion is not something that women take lightly. I can only imagine what a traumatic decision it can be, and then to have to go through that? And what about women who require an abortion as a result of rape? The government is going to require them to go through that again? For shame. (Of course, I already wrote about the hypocrisy of the right wing.)

The good news is, women seem to be fighting back. In Oklahoma, state senator Judy Eason McIntyre held the sign you see above in order to protest Oklahoma's Personhood bill. That's right, an elected official allowed herself to be photographed (proudly, and smiling) with this sign. I love her. I want to vote for her. Her colleague, Democratic Senator Constance Johnson, attempted to attach a provision to the Personhood bill that would make it illegal for any man to ejaculate anywhere other than a woman's vagina. I also want to vote for her. 

In Ohio, state senator Nina Turner introduced a bill requiring men to undergo full rectal exams in order to get  a prescription for Viagra. Of course, as most of the men voting for these laws require Viagra in order to carry on cheating on their wives, it won't pass. Funny that Viagra is often covered with most health care plans, but birth control isn't. I guess we know who makes these laws. 

Ladies, I'm angry. And you should be too.

Beware the Jellyfish

In recent years, I've realized that I spend about 90% of my social life hanging out with men. In the last few months, it's become apparent: girls suck.

Don't get me wrong. I am a feminist. Which is why it irritates the hell out of me that women are our own worst enemy. When I hang out with guys, there is no drama.

Rebecca is a friend of mine and the cute neighbor. She and the cute neighbor were friends long before I entered the picture. In fact, Rebecca took advantage of the cute neighbor's mad culinary skills as often as possible and sometimes ate dinner at his place every night of the week. However, Rebecca is a bit lazy, and never helped with dinner or the clean up and the cute neighbor decided it was time to cut her off. Lucky for him, by this time he had been introduced to me, so he texted me to see if I wanted to come over for some homemade pizza. Yes, please! And the rest is history.

Recently, however, Rebecca looks for any opportunity to put me down. For awhile, she was constantly pointing out that I am shorter than she is, or the shortest one present. (I am not a short person, mind you. In most crowds, I'm even tall.) But lately, she's been aiming below the belt. As in, my lack of funds and employment. More than once, she's pointed out that I make less money than she does. The more I think about it, the more I realize she's the Rebecca to my Bridget Jones. Her nasty comments are always back handed and quick, just like a jellyfish. You don't realize you've been stung until she's moved on. A few weeks ago, we were discussing the color of my toe nails (she approved) and I mentioned my collection of purple nail polishes. To which she said, "You do your own toes? Well, I guess I had to do my own toes when I wasn't making any money."

Ouch.

When I relayed this to the cute neighbor, he shook his head and said, "She's always saying shit like that." We chalked it up to her blatant insecurity and need to build herself up. But when I retold the story to Fenella and Grayer, they both had the same reaction, which basically boiled down to, "What a bitch!"

Then last week, Rebecca came over and told the cute neighbor and me about the date she had had over the weekend. The date went great, but of course she had a problem with his physical appearance, namely, his teeth needed to be whitened. Rebecca always has a problem with their physical appearance, and it usually has to do with teeth. She went on and on about how she could get him to whiten his teeth. I was frustrated with her comments to me (she had pointed out that finding a job right now is going to be really tough), I was menstrual AND had just donated blood that day, and I started to get pissed off. Apparently, I let it show. I told her she needed to let it go about the teeth (I'm sure there was nothing wrong with them. I've seen the teeth she's complained about before, and they're fine.) and what was she looking for, a Greek god? Of course, she said she was.

Later in the week, I invited Rebecca to a game night at my place. She didn't respond. But she did leave the cute neighbor (who was out of town) a message saying they should hang out and that they haven't had much "one-on-one" time lately. I don't think this was a coincidence.

How is it that Rebecca gets a free pass to say bitchy things because that's just how she is, but I get to be the bad guy for calling her out on something she needed to be called out on? Luckily, the cute neighbor is on my team. He agreed with me and understood why I was so snippy with her. But I can't help but wonder if the bitchy things she says are just the way she is or are directly related to me and the cute neighbor. I mean, I never noticed them before we started dating... smiles-and teeth- are very important to her... the cute neighbor has a disarmingly sexy smile.... hmmmm.

See? It's always a competition with women! Why can't we all just get along? In the meantime, I'll steer clear of Rebecca for awhile. Wouldn't want to have to rely on the cute neighbor to pee on me after I've been stung.