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| My version of snowboarding. |
I've returned from my "spring break" trip to Montana, visiting my best friend Greenley, her man, and her dog (my favorite pup in the whole wide world). It was the first time I've seen them in a year, and needless to say, we made a scene at the airport. Greenley and I are not meant to be apart.
Montana is gorgeous. The mountains. The wildlife. The cute mountain lodgey buildings. The snow. The high male to female ratio. What the what? Greenley, why didn't you tell me that before? I would have visited months ago!
It's true, in the picturesque town in which they live, there are far more men than there are women. And the women that do live there are already taken. And you have to factor is the male tourists who always seem to be coming through town. Finally, a state I can get on board with! Men's men, with beards and outdoorsy scents. I should have made it a longer trip.
Perhaps my new life plan will be to move to Montana and attract mountain men and tourists alike with my natural pheromones. I'll go snowshoeing a lot because I'm outdoorsy and awesome and hopefully large wild animals will not be attracted to my natural pheromones because my natural pheromones are pretty potent. I'll buy mace, just in case. I'll drink beer, Montana men are good at drinking beer and so am I. Since two-year-olds can ski in Montana, I best be learning how. I can already snowboard with the best of them. Unless the best of them can actually make it down mountains without falling every 20 feet in which case I can't snowboard with the best of them at all. Also, I can't turn left. I can hardly even go straight. On a snowboard that is. So really I just need to find a 20 foot run that veers to the right and isn't very steep and I'll be golden. If I do fall, I'll blame in on the altitude, then I'll go drink beers in the lodge. I'll find snowpants that really accentuate my curves. Yeah, that's totally possible. These Montana mountain men won't stand a chance.
