2009 Year's Progress: Scarlet

Despite all the doom and gloom of my recent posts, looking back I think that I've grown a lot over this past year (and certainly got more action than I even dreamed to hope for). I made some wicked awesome new friends. I went on a lot of dates (some excellent with unexpected arrivals, some accidental and some not so fab). Kissed some toads (OK a toad...apologies to the Engineer). Went on several holidays. And had my heart broken. So here is a review of my New Year's Resolutions.

I will not…

• Sulk about having nothing to do, but instead make more friends in my local area so that my social schedule is full. Excellent work! I embraced this New Years Resolution so much that at times I felt my social schedule was too full. If there were middle class socialite, I think I have earned the title. 1 trillion points (Hoorah!)
  
• Let my singleton status prevent me from going on a proper holiday. I went on two vacations and a mini-break to visit Violet. I am also indulging some time off to enjoy the holidays next week. Who needs a guy to take take a proper holiday? 2 million points (v.g.)
  
• Accept male fuckwittage silently, but instead address fuckwittage in a mature and composed manner. I guess I faltered a little with this one by keeping MM around. However, I did call him out when he was being a fuckwit. So I believe that I followed this one in the spirit that it was written. (Unfortunately addressing fuckwittage do not equate to fuckwittage eradication.) 10 points (poor)
  
• Have unrealistic expectations about men. Oops. Maybe next year? Then again maybe my expectations were actually too low. (I will never again agree to go to a sporting event with a man around my birthday. IT IS A TRAP!!) It's a wash...0 points (poor)
  
• Have a tantrum when my father indicates that I am to blame for my singleton status, but rather discuss the topic like a mature adult. Representing the rights of all singletons! My mom forbid my dad from talking to me about dating or grandchildren, thereby excusing me from this resolution. Although my dad did find other ways to tell me. one million points to my mom and 5 points to my dad for stealth


• Settle on a man simply get my father to stop complaining about how he will never have grandchildren. More of a lifetime goal. As I'm still a singleton, I think we can safely say that I've succeeded on this one. (I'm confident that I would have gotten rid of the Engineer eventually. Seriously. How long can you really date a guy that doesn't clean up immediately after his giant dog pees in the house?) 999 points for the continued effort (Hoorah for singletons!)
  

I will…

• Go on a second date. I clearly rocked this one! This resolution seems silly now, but in 2008 I assure you it seemed realistic. Special thanks to The Engineer for being the first to make this possible and ending my three year drought. a gizillion points to me and an honorable mention to The Engineer (v.v.g.)


• Form a stable relationship with a male of the non-fuckwit variety. Ugh. The world wasn't built in a day. I had first imaginary relationship with MM. I fell hard. On the plus side, now I know what really excellent chemistry feels like. And while it was imaginary, it lasted longer than any of the other guys I have dated. 100,000 points for the relationship, -50,000 points for the imaginary component
  
• Actively pursue new job opportunities in which I will not dread going to work everyday. Putting in my 2 weeks notice in January and going back to school!! Hoorah!! One billion points for me, negative points to the economy (v.v.g.)


• Be happy for my non-singleton friends but not hesitate to object to smug married comments from friends and family. It is starting! Several of my friends got engaged this year. As my heart was breaking, I tried on my first bride's maids dress and observed happpy couples complete with PDA, while pretending that all was right with the world. I'm just going to give myself this one. 1,000 points (v. good effort.)

An excellent year's progress!

Under Pressure

Over the past few years I've been feeling some pressure from my dad to give him grandchildren. I find this kind of ridiculous. I'm still in my mid twenties afterall. It started out with my dad's friends having grandchildren. I would over hear their conversations where my dad would say that neither I, nor my brother, would be having kids anytime soon. Then he started throwing comments in about how he wanted grandchildren. My dad doesn't seem to understand how hard it is to find the right person. He was, and probably still is, convinced that my singleton status is a choice. If I really wanted to be in a relationship then I would be and the fact that I wasn't in some way meant that I was standing between him and the grandchildren that he desired. He even went so far as to purchase a baby quilt at a church auction for the phantom babies in his dreams.

This whole thing has caused some conflict between my dad and I. On some occasions, I admit that I've lost my cool. As I argued with my dad, the twitch in my eye became more pronounced. At one point I even became so exasperated that I yelled at him and left the dinner table crying.

After this incident, my mom told my dad he wasn't allowed to make any comments to me about dating or babies. Over this past year he has been very good about this. Even when he knew I was dating someone, for the most part he didn't ask questions or make comments. (I'm sure this is killing him.) However, now when I overhear him talking to friends instead he seeks pity by saying things like "I'm never going to have grandchildren" in a dejected tone.

A couple of weeks ago I left my dad alone with one of my guy friends. This may have been a mistake. Somehow my dad turned the conversation on my dating and his desire for grandchildren. (Mind you he was talking to my friend who has been trying unsuccessfully to have children with his wife for several years.) Apparently, while talking to me about this is off limits, my friends are not. My guy friend told my dad that I was dating MM for a while and said that I had a couple of prospects now. This last part was of course a lie to placate my father. He also reminded my dad that some people can't have children.

The irony is that I always wanted to have children, but now I'm not so sure. Violet wrote a post last month on baby aches and I found that I couldn't relate at all. Maybe this is in part because I've been so stressed and unhappy with my job. Even thinking about adding children to the mix is terrifying. Maybe I'm just trying not to put the cart before the horse. (Lets face it, I need to find a guy first.) Or maybe the pressure to produce progeny is just too much for me.