I'm not really sure how it happened but somehow over the course of the past few months I've entered into an imaginary relationship. The problem is that I don't know how to get out of it. I know, I know it is quite simple. I have the power to break it off and not accept fuckwittage. In fact, that was one of my New Years Resolutions. This is all v. good in theory but in practice it is freakin' hard. Because yes I suspect I'm in love with my imaginary boyfriend.
At the beginning, this thing with MM seemed to have so much potential. After dates he would send me messages thanking me or telling me how much fun he had. We always had fun and laughed when we were together. We talked almost everyday and saw each other 3 or 4 times a week. However, after awhile we came to the conclusion that we weren't really at the same place. I wanted a relationship and he wasn't ready to take that step because he had just recently come out of a really bad relationship. However, since we both really liked each other and weren't ready to end it, we decided to continue seeing each other. I think this is when he officially stopped being a guy I was dating and became my imaginary boyfriend.
While MM wasn't ready to add a label to the relationship and he admitted that he was having some commitment problems, we had agreed that we wouldn't see other people while we were dating. It wasn't exactly the same thing as being in an "exclusive" relationship but it gave me some confidence in him. I decided to give him time. How much time will I give him you ask? I really don't know the answer to that. Perhaps I'll get a case of Fenella's rage and cut him off at some point?
We had another discussion about where we were before he left the country on business for a month and a half and unfortunately nothing has changed. MM told me that doesn't want to hurt me and he wants to be with me but he doesn't know when he will be ready to fully commit to me. He said that he felt like an ass and he doesn't want to be stringing me along when I clearly want something more. Since he was leaving in a few weeks we decided to continue hanging out till he left and then take a "break". The plan was that we would both think about what we want and then reevaluate things when he returned. In the mean time there was no reason that I shouldn't be able to see other people since he wasn't ready to commit to me.
The thing is that I don't actually WANT to see other people. Despite our problems there is just something about MM and I that works. MM gets me. I know guys can never truly understand girls but he notices little things about me that other people don't. He understands that I take his sarcastic comments seriously not because I don't know he is being sarcastic but because it amuses me. MM defends me. He admires me and encourages me to have more confidence in myself. MM cares about me. He is understanding and doesn't push me to do anything that I'm not comfortable with. And most importantly he makes me laugh.
So I continue, perhaps naively, to have hope that things will work out. Since MM has been gone he has been emailing me consistently. He tells me that he misses cuddling with me and the smell of my hair. That he didn't watch a movie with coworkers because he wanted to wait and watch it with me. He shares little mundane details about his days. MM talks about an "us" in the future.
I know Violet and Grayer are cynics and will tell me to get over him and move on. And they would probably be right. But the thing is I'm a romantic and even while I steady myself for the worst when he returns, deep down I want to believe my imaginary boyfriend will turn into a prince.
2 comments:
So, I'm going to tell it to you straight. This is not an attack on you, so pleeeaase don't take it that way as the point of this blog is to gain some perspective so here we go.
First of all, I prefer to being called a realist, rather than a cynic, thank you very much. Secondly, you sound like a character straight out "He's just not that into you." Thirdly, you are right, A. imaginary relationships are like a bottomless pit, easy to fall into, and hard as hell to get out of, and B. I am going to tell you to move on. As I'm in my second IR (and I gained so much perspective from my first) I've realized that for make believe relationships to be ok, it HAS to be MUTUAL. Both parties know exactly what's going on and are completely ok with it. One of you can not be wanting more, and you my dear, want more. That means its not ok.
IBs have a tendency of telling you want you want to hear, and that will screw you over if you let it. My first IB was sweet, he loved to cuddle, he had just gotten out of a bad relationship and it was too complicated to date me at the time, he talked about "us", he talked about a future in which we would really be dating, and I totally fell for it. I even thought that I could be falling for him. And then he left. Sound familiar? That's because it's the same. For months I had hopes of him coming back and being with me, but he wasn't interested. And I tell you this to save you from months of agony, let him go, and let him go now.
I don't mean to sound like a hypocrite. I know I am once again in a imaginary relationship but I am older and wiser this time. We both know exactly where its going, and exactly when it is ending. It's not a romance, it's a mutual partnership. And that's exactly what I need right now. That's not what you need. You already know you and MM don't want the same thing so why are hanging around, trying to defend him. Not only are you trying to convince us, but your trying to convince yourself. Move on and move up. You can do so much better.
I think you have to ask yourself what would you tell a friend who was in your situation? I somehow don't think you'd be telling them to stick with the guy because you never know, he might change his mind and things might turn out happily ever after.
If a guy wants to be with a girl then he will be with her. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's true. Ex-girlfriends and timing would not be an issue.
Do you really want to hang around waiting for a guy that you'd never be 100% sure if he felt the same way about you as you did him? Once again, I somehow don't think that you do.
There's nothing wrong with being a romantic and waiting for your prince. But this guy is a frog, not your prince.
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