Since I met- or more appropriately, re-met- The Dark Horse I've been seeing him quite a bit on weekends. Hanging out with him is something I've thoroughly enjoyed. He's funny. And fun. I learned last weekend that he looks adorable in a baseball hat. (Bonus!) I learned this past weekend that he is a hilarious drunk. He actually gets sports. He even reads. Last week, we exchanged Gabriel Garcia Marquez novels. And he's really good at, you know... stuff.
I was cruising right along and feeling confident about the whole thing when Grayer said, "So, are you "seeing" each other?" My initial response would be yes, but then I realized that that has never actually been said. All signs would indicate that we are. He calls mid-week to ask what I'm doing on the weekend. He pays for dinner. It shouldn't be rocket science. But what if he doesn't want a real relationship? What if he only wants an imaginary, weekend girlfriend? I refuse to be an imaginary girlfriend, because let's face it, what self-respecting man would want a real girlfriend when he can have an imaginary one? As awkward as online dating could be, at least with that you knew what people were after. In real life, you actually have to ask them about it.
Which brings me to my question: When on earth should I be bringing this up? Normally I would prefer for The Other Person to bring it up, but I really don't want to get too far into something only to find out that it's imaginary; that's the worst kind of hurt. Next weekend would make it a month since we first went out, but since we're really only seeing each other on weekends now, does that push the timetable back? And how do I bring it up? I really, really don't want to be the girl who says, "So where is this going?" I mean, I don't need a commitment right now, I would just like to know that one is possible. Ugh. I hate this. Help!
3 comments:
Ha! This is quite a pickle. I'm so glad that I know I'm in a going-no-where relationship with a young fellow more commitmentphobic than myself! I think it does slow down the time table since you only see him on the weekends, if you can still count the number of times you've seen him than its too early. Have you even been to his apartment? Are you regularly having physical relations? Are you assuming that you'll be doing something even if you don't have actual plans? If the answer is yes, then sorry, you need to be the one to bring it up soon. If not, give it some more time and maybe things will become more clear. Not too much time, because it won't be long before you're falling in the bottomless pit of an imaginary girlfriend. Good luck with that.
An awkward situation yes, but not an impossible one!
All that is needed is a bit of clarfication. All the signs are there that this is a good thing the two of you have got going. Ask him if he feels the same way. Hopefully the answer is yes, and you can relax. Should the answer be no (and I doubt that!) then it gives you the chance to get out before you get in too deep.
As for the timetable- yes the fact that you do see him only at weekends does slow it down. But then again, if you're beginning to feel like you could really like this guy, then have the conversation, and don't worry, it can't be as bad as my ex-boyfriend saying "we should talk about us" the second time we met up. And I didn't see the warning signs then. I'm clearly stupid!
The second time you met up? Oh, dear. Wish you would have told me about that one, I would have warned you.
I think I'll wait until I actually have been to his place. It's much easier and more convenient to be at my place, as I actually live in the city where things are happening, so going out to his place will be a Big Deal. We'll take it from there.
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