Last week I told you about my new man, Manitoba Manny, and even I'll admit, this whole thing doesn't really sound like me. I know what you were thinking: "Wow, Grayer's getting a bit desperate" and/or "Surely, this must be an April fools joke". Rest assured my friend, this is a true story. It's just not my true story.
This is the story of Conrad's roommate, Randall, a good looking guy in his early twenties, a social butterfly that's currently getting his masters. There is no plausible explanation as to why he met a Canadian girl while playing online Scrabble and decided to date her. He has not met her. He hasn't even video chatted with her. They've been dating for over a year.
It's a guarantee that if Randall is not otherwise detained by school responsibilities he will be talking on the phone to this girl. They watch TV shows "together" while talking on the phone. He uses the restroom while talking on the phone. They fight over they phone (she gets jealous easily). I'm pretty sure they masturbate while talking on the phone. It's quite an intimate relationship. Except for the fact that they've never set eyes on each other.
They've tried to meet. He can't go there because she's living at home. She has made plans to visit him multiple times. Once, she even bought her plane tickets, then cancelled last minute for some reason. I'd like to think this is because she isn't who she says she is. Perhaps she's old enough to be his mother. Perhaps she's married. Perhaps she's not a woman, or at least not yet. She has to be refusing to buy a web cam for a reason.
Last time I saw him, we all just about threw money on the table to help him buy a plane ticket and a hotel room. He also kept coming on to me so strongly that I was getting freaked out (Hey, Conrad, please stand in between us). He could blame it on the alcohol, but really he needs to blame it on the sexual frustration. Talk about a girlfriend that won't put out, that kid can't even get a hand job.
It's kind of funny, it's also sad, but really it's just down right baffling. Why does a guy date a girl he's never met when he could just as easily date a real-life girl? One he actually knows. I'm all for meeting people anyway you can (online Scrabble included), but I'm really for actually meeting people. Aren't you glad this wasn't my true story?
1 comment:
I would like to point out that I was in on this. In fact, it was my idea. Well, actually, my idea was to announce a pregnancy or something, but Grayer thought that was a bit much (it was). Kudos to Penelope to figuring it out!
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