What really put the whole JfD thing into perspective was an email out of fucking no where from my ex-imaginary boyfriend. (Seriously, JfD is no big deal, he didn't break me in two like this guy did). After milling it over for a day, I finally responded to that email. I told him I appreciated the apology, talked a little bit of the trainwreck of our relationship, and said if he ever wanted to catch up, to give me a call some time. I didn't think he actually would, but if he did I'd talk to him, a lot has happened in 3 years to catch up on. After I sent 'send' I held my breath every time I got into my email. But days went by without hearing from him and I forgot all about it, until this afternoon when I heard the voicemail.
As I was leaving work this evening, I stopped in my tracks and uttered out of shock "oh. my. God." (I said the same thing when I saw his email. That and a horrified look made my mother think someone had died). He left a cheerful message saying he was looking forward to catching up. I listened to it twice. Flabbergasted. Then I go to text Violet but I can't, so I text another random friend who I had told about his email. After I got home I drank an entire beer before I picked up the phone, took deep relaxation breaths and dialed his number.
I talked to him for two hours. We talked jobs, old friends, and sex (it was amazing). We talked about what happened, we reminisced of old times, we joked and laughed, time flew by just like it used to when we talked on the phone. I asked him what made him contact me after so long. "I felt bad about it, I've always felt bad about but I never said anything before since I didn't know how you felt about it. But I decided it was time no matter how you felt. Now I just know what it's like to have someone leave you and never give an explanation." Well I'm glad he finally did. It was an interesting conversation. I feel like I've been validated. He confirmed what I had thought all along. That we actually had something. He basically admitted we had something! The exact same thing that he made me feel like a crazy person for thinking we had something. He literally said "If it had been another time, another place, I think it really would have worked out" ...!!!!! THAT'S THE THING. THAT is what makes you an imaginary boyfriend. I wasn't mourning our relationship when I was getting over you. I was mourning the what-could-have-been. I was mourning the fact that it really could have gone somewhere but we'll never know because we didn't get the chance. Back then he had acted like I had a imagined it, but he seems honest about it now. I wish I would have told him that. He was even talking about seeing each other someday. (Seriously?! You live in Montana). He was talking about me coming to visit (He asked why I hadn't called him when I was in MT). This is what drove me crazy about him. His talk of the future. His I-never-thought-of-it-before-but-now-that-you-mention-it-yes-I-would-like-to-see-you-next-summer way of getting insane thoughts in your head that leaves you hoping for the future. A future I learned that never happened. This is why I have since had a hard time talking about the future with any guys. I don't want to get excited about something that will never happen.
The conversation eventually ended since he had to go to work (he's now working as a Deputy Sheriff, which made me giggle for the biology major). But he told me to call him anytime, and let him know when I'm ever west of the Mississippi. I'm glad I talked him. It was fun, but it was also validation. I'm now feeling some closure that I didn't even know I needed.
1 comment:
I'm glad you finally got some closure, even if you didn't know you needed it. I'm also glad he finally realized what a dickweed he'd been. Sounds like he's grown up a bit.
Post a Comment