It amazes me how clueless women can be about relationships. My friends (ok, and occasionally myself) included. I don't know how this isn't so obvious it's not literally hitting her in the face but here it is: He's just not that into you!
Case Study: Lisa
Lisa is in a 8 year relationship, which is quickly going nowhere. This guy is basically the only real boyfriend and has been long distance almost the entire time. She drives 3 hours to visit him on weekends fairly frequently, though he rarely comes to visit her. When he does come to visit he never wants to do anything or socialize with her friends (me included!). She even admits that he doesn't enjoy doing anything that she thinks is fun. She's going to a wedding in Spain this summer and he doesn't want to go. Even worse than that, is that she doesn't mind because she thinks her brother would be more fun.
The problem with this honeymoon of love, is that after 8 years, she has yet to see a ring. They've talked about it, he doesn't want to get engaged until they've lived together, not that it'll be happening anytime soon. Believe me, she wants to get married, she talks about it almost daily. At first, all the obsessive ring talk didn't bother me but now it drives me crazy. How can she not see what is so clear? If he's not marrying you, he's just not that into you. No excuses. No wanting to live together first. If a guy wants to marry you, he'll marry you.
Although she's admitted that maybe she might need to break up with him, she won't do it because it will be too hard. Yes, breakups are hard, that's why they're called breakups. But wasting the prime years of your life, with a chump who won't commit, is even harder in the long run. As an example of how out of touch she is, she seriously does not understand the song "Single ladies (put a ring on it)" by Beyonce. If you listen to the lyrics its basically saying, "if you wanted to keep me you should of committed." Talk about denial! I just might have to email her the lyrics.
I've tried dropping hints and making casual comments. But I'm at a loss. My only hope is going to see the movie He's just not that into you. I've read one of the characters is in a 7 year relationship and not yet engaged. Hopefully this sends the right message.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Hanging out
Well it’s official. I’m hanging out with a boy. We’ve watched a movie. We’ve gone out for drinks. We’ve talked baseball. We’ve even competed in friendly competitions of fooseball and antique videogames. What more could a girl ask for? Oh, that’s right, a date.
I know what you’re thinking. You’ve read the book, you’ve had the epiphany, you’ve all but tattooed the saying onto your left buttocks, “He’s just not that into you.” Yes, it’s true that if a man is really into you, he will date you. He will not call you up that night and invite you over for a movie that neither of you can follow. He will call you days in advance, to check your availability to go to dinner, in which he will pay. I get it, yet here I am, just hanging out. And I feel fine about it.
Is it so wrong to hang out with a guy and let it play out? Is it a dishonor to womankind to not require a night at the movies? Nay. I'm a big girl, and I know what I'm doing. I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm looking for a distraction. I'm not looking for Mr. Right, I'm looking for Mr. Right Now. I'm not looking for a commitment, I'm looking for....(would it be slutty to say, a good time?) somebody to hang out with.
And I'm not entirely sure if I'm that into him. Sure he's cute, reasonably fun, and hates the Yankees. But he lacks facial hair, is slightly timid, and doesn't always get my jokes. So until I decide if I'm just that into him, my options will be kept wide open. Although I could be easily swayed if he comes through with those Fenway tickets....a girl has needs.
I know what you’re thinking. You’ve read the book, you’ve had the epiphany, you’ve all but tattooed the saying onto your left buttocks, “He’s just not that into you.” Yes, it’s true that if a man is really into you, he will date you. He will not call you up that night and invite you over for a movie that neither of you can follow. He will call you days in advance, to check your availability to go to dinner, in which he will pay. I get it, yet here I am, just hanging out. And I feel fine about it.
Is it so wrong to hang out with a guy and let it play out? Is it a dishonor to womankind to not require a night at the movies? Nay. I'm a big girl, and I know what I'm doing. I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm looking for a distraction. I'm not looking for Mr. Right, I'm looking for Mr. Right Now. I'm not looking for a commitment, I'm looking for....(would it be slutty to say, a good time?) somebody to hang out with.
And I'm not entirely sure if I'm that into him. Sure he's cute, reasonably fun, and hates the Yankees. But he lacks facial hair, is slightly timid, and doesn't always get my jokes. So until I decide if I'm just that into him, my options will be kept wide open. Although I could be easily swayed if he comes through with those Fenway tickets....a girl has needs.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Love = Tampons
While the seemingly never-ending quest for Mr. Right marches on, it's not uncommon to stop and ask yourself, What exactly am I looking for? The answer lies in the feminine hygiene aisle.
A few years ago, I was working a minimum-wage job at a drug-store in college, when a man approached the register with a box of pads. Then he asked if he could use our phone, and proceeded to call his wife so he could double check to make sure he had the right kind. That, I thought to myself, is love.
Ever since, I've been searching for a man who is willing to stop at the store and pick up tampons for me. I haven't put anyone through The Tampon Test yet, but I'm willing to bet the long-term relationship I was in at the time would have ended a lot sooner had I given my long-term boyfriend The Test the next day.
Aside: Not long after, another man came in, and his sole purchase was a pregnancy test. The favor screamed fear more than love, although it's easy to picture a scenario involving his girlfriend crying on the bathroom floor over her missed period, and he chivalrously runs to the nearest drugstore in order to calm her down, but it's partially his fault she's crying on the bathroom floor to begin with.
And I'm not talking about a guy who grabs the first box of tampons he sees and shoves it under his coat (because seriously, generic tampons? I don't think so) but the guy who is sure to buy the Tampax Pearl multi-pak, and possibly a pint of Ben & Jerry's Half-Baked (because he knows you'll be needing some of that too) because you don't deserve generic tampons, you deserve the best. Is that too much to ask?
A few years ago, I was working a minimum-wage job at a drug-store in college, when a man approached the register with a box of pads. Then he asked if he could use our phone, and proceeded to call his wife so he could double check to make sure he had the right kind. That, I thought to myself, is love.
Ever since, I've been searching for a man who is willing to stop at the store and pick up tampons for me. I haven't put anyone through The Tampon Test yet, but I'm willing to bet the long-term relationship I was in at the time would have ended a lot sooner had I given my long-term boyfriend The Test the next day.
Aside: Not long after, another man came in, and his sole purchase was a pregnancy test. The favor screamed fear more than love, although it's easy to picture a scenario involving his girlfriend crying on the bathroom floor over her missed period, and he chivalrously runs to the nearest drugstore in order to calm her down, but it's partially his fault she's crying on the bathroom floor to begin with.
And I'm not talking about a guy who grabs the first box of tampons he sees and shoves it under his coat (because seriously, generic tampons? I don't think so) but the guy who is sure to buy the Tampax Pearl multi-pak, and possibly a pint of Ben & Jerry's Half-Baked (because he knows you'll be needing some of that too) because you don't deserve generic tampons, you deserve the best. Is that too much to ask?
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Introducing the Men of Meetup
I’m probably overdue for an update on my meetup group. I’ve attended 4 meetups so far. The core group of people who have been around since the beginning of the meetup are all really cool. It is great to have something to do for once!
First an update on the two guys that emailed me after the first meetup. The first guy, lets call him McSlick, is part of the core group that started the meetup. McSlick is the fun cool guy…very friendly but I wonder if he might be a bit of a player. He emailed me within a couple of hours of the first meetup to say that he enjoyed meeting me and I should come again. A couple days later he emailed me again and asked if I wanted to go to a movie with some of the people I met. We didn’t end up going to the movie but I’ve seen him at a couple of events since then.
I’m pretty sure the other guy that emailed me after the first meetup was/is interested in me. He seemed really nice but a little boring. However, since then I discovered that he is 13 years older and has 2 kids. (I would have guessed he was only a little more than 5 years older than me.) I admit this makes me somewhat less interested but I haven’t ruled him out entirely. Hmm…I guess we’ll call him the “Old Man” for lack of a better name.
Last weekend we had an event and several new guys came. One of which looked kind of familiar but I couldn’t place him…lets call him the Jerk. He said the same thing to me earlier in the evening. However, as the evening went on, he and several of the other new guys got more and more drunk. At one point the Jerk told his friend I was in love with him and tried to get me to kiss his friend. Later the Jerk comes over to me and boldly declares that I have kissed him before. I of course told him that wasn’t possible. He said some crap like “I can’t believe you don’t remember!” and persisted until I gave up arguing with him and walked away. I know what you might be thinking but the list of guys I’ve kissed is embarrassingly short…I WOULD remember. If this wasn’t enough some of my friends told me that earlier in the evening the Jerk implied that he had slept with me. Complete Fuckwit!! Another one of the new guys hit on me but is was obvious he was just interested in sex.
Anyway, I’m feeling very optimistic about finding new friends but a little disappointed in men.
First an update on the two guys that emailed me after the first meetup. The first guy, lets call him McSlick, is part of the core group that started the meetup. McSlick is the fun cool guy…very friendly but I wonder if he might be a bit of a player. He emailed me within a couple of hours of the first meetup to say that he enjoyed meeting me and I should come again. A couple days later he emailed me again and asked if I wanted to go to a movie with some of the people I met. We didn’t end up going to the movie but I’ve seen him at a couple of events since then.
I’m pretty sure the other guy that emailed me after the first meetup was/is interested in me. He seemed really nice but a little boring. However, since then I discovered that he is 13 years older and has 2 kids. (I would have guessed he was only a little more than 5 years older than me.) I admit this makes me somewhat less interested but I haven’t ruled him out entirely. Hmm…I guess we’ll call him the “Old Man” for lack of a better name.
Last weekend we had an event and several new guys came. One of which looked kind of familiar but I couldn’t place him…lets call him the Jerk. He said the same thing to me earlier in the evening. However, as the evening went on, he and several of the other new guys got more and more drunk. At one point the Jerk told his friend I was in love with him and tried to get me to kiss his friend. Later the Jerk comes over to me and boldly declares that I have kissed him before. I of course told him that wasn’t possible. He said some crap like “I can’t believe you don’t remember!” and persisted until I gave up arguing with him and walked away. I know what you might be thinking but the list of guys I’ve kissed is embarrassingly short…I WOULD remember. If this wasn’t enough some of my friends told me that earlier in the evening the Jerk implied that he had slept with me. Complete Fuckwit!! Another one of the new guys hit on me but is was obvious he was just interested in sex.
Anyway, I’m feeling very optimistic about finding new friends but a little disappointed in men.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
WWBD: Birthday Edition!!
My cousin (a fellow singleton) turned 30 a couple of months ago. She told me later that she cried after opening her first birthday card. Getting older seems to be more depressing for us singletons than smug marrieds. However we all get older (except for my Grandma who is 39) so we have to accept this and stay strong. You may ask "What would Bridget do on her birthday?" Well here is a step by step guide.
- Wait "patiently" for a gift/card from her imaginary boyfriend.
- Check to see if card got misplaced (perhaps under a doormat).
- Talk to neighbors to see if they mistakenly got her mail.
- Call an emergency meeting with her singleton friends at a bar to discuss her fuckwit "boyfriend" forgetting her birthday.
- Get drunk.
- Declare that she is a woman of substance, complete without boyfriend.
- Hoorah for Singletons!!
- Sing "All by myself" on the floor of bathroom while worrying about her spinsterhood rapidly approaching.
Hopefully your birthday ends better than Bridget's this year!! Please follow steps 6 and 7 (and also step 4 if necessary)...your therapist would likely not approve of the other steps.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Seeking a Sugar Daddy? Try craigslist
While perusing craigslist today, I decided to take a break from important stuff (i.e. jobs and apartments) and click on over to the personal ads. And oh my were they good for a laugh.
First up: Discreet for Married Lady, who is a married man, but him and his wife don't have sex anymore, so he is looking for a discreet married woman to fill that void. He expresses his desire not to hurt her or their family, then requests again that she is discreet and DD free. (Bonus points if you can figure out what DD means. Is it slang for STD?)
But don't give up hope in mankind just yet, they're not all married and looking for a discreet affair. Some of them are prostitutes! "Chocolate drop" provides the lusty ladies with some nearly nude photos with the tag line "need to make some cash ASAP," while"looking for white or latina girls" is looking for a prostitute. He mentions that he's looking for "good sex you will enjoy and i even help you out w/ up to $50." He's willing to pay up to $50? Is it just me or does that not seem like an awful lot of money for having sex with a stranger? But then again, I don't know what the going rate is for hookers these days. He also requests that "only serious girls" call. Seriously?
"True Sugar Daddy Type" may be more of what I need. He claims, "you fly, I buy," as well as being open to an "open relationship." Perfect! I can use his credit card while I seek my dream job and dream man.
My advice: Don't use craigslist if what you're looking for is a deep and meaningful relationship.
First up: Discreet for Married Lady, who is a married man, but him and his wife don't have sex anymore, so he is looking for a discreet married woman to fill that void. He expresses his desire not to hurt her or their family, then requests again that she is discreet and DD free. (Bonus points if you can figure out what DD means. Is it slang for STD?)
But don't give up hope in mankind just yet, they're not all married and looking for a discreet affair. Some of them are prostitutes! "Chocolate drop" provides the lusty ladies with some nearly nude photos with the tag line "need to make some cash ASAP," while"looking for white or latina girls" is looking for a prostitute. He mentions that he's looking for "good sex you will enjoy and i even help you out w/ up to $50." He's willing to pay up to $50? Is it just me or does that not seem like an awful lot of money for having sex with a stranger? But then again, I don't know what the going rate is for hookers these days. He also requests that "only serious girls" call. Seriously?
"True Sugar Daddy Type" may be more of what I need. He claims, "you fly, I buy," as well as being open to an "open relationship." Perfect! I can use his credit card while I seek my dream job and dream man.
My advice: Don't use craigslist if what you're looking for is a deep and meaningful relationship.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Question of the Week: Top 5
Who is in your Top 5?
You know what I mean, which 5 celebrities would you be given a pass on (if you were actually in a relationship) and be able to sleep with if given the opportunity and your significant other/spouse couldn't hold it against you?
In order to qualify, the celebrity must be a REAL PERSON (Edward Cullen does not qualify, but Robert Pattinson does) as well as alive- sadly, I had to cross Heath Ledger off my list last year- because unless you're Izzie Stevens, you can't have sex with dead people.
Violet's Top 5 (in no particular order)
You know what I mean, which 5 celebrities would you be given a pass on (if you were actually in a relationship) and be able to sleep with if given the opportunity and your significant other/spouse couldn't hold it against you?
In order to qualify, the celebrity must be a REAL PERSON (Edward Cullen does not qualify, but Robert Pattinson does) as well as alive- sadly, I had to cross Heath Ledger off my list last year- because unless you're Izzie Stevens, you can't have sex with dead people.
Violet's Top 5 (in no particular order)
Friday, January 9, 2009
It's not them, it's you
I just read a very interesting article on why we can't find a date.
Sadly, I found a bit too much of myself in this article.
Sadly, I found a bit too much of myself in this article.
- First and foremost, and that one thing we hear so often in the single world that it has become cliche, is confidence, confidence, confidence. I've always been the confident girl (since I left high school, anyway), but now I've been single so long, I can sense that confidence waning. Nearly a year in South America doesn't exactly help either, where the locals were so obvious I felt like a piece of meat, but the other gringos were only interested in taking advantage of the local girls. Now, I don't exactly strut my stuff with the confidence I once had.
- Case study 1 Outward behavior: Extreme pickiness. I know I'm picky, I've discussed it a few times on this blog (but I'm working on that!) But I know I'm not nearly as picky as the extreme cases Novak discusses here. No, I don't think my soulmate has yet to move out of his parents' basement while still working at the local fast food joint, but I don't care if he drives a fancy car or has a nice house/apartment.
- Case study 2 Outward behavior: Can’t flirt. I don't think I'm completely incompetent in this department, (as I have flirted successfully in the past) but when Novak mentions girls who "talk sports with the bartender" or who responded to come-ons with a "sarcastically nasty comment," it hit a bit too close to home, as these behaviors are "always the girl friend, never the girlfriend." See? I knew my ESPN habit was partially to blame for my singleton status!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Question of the Week: Just friends?
As a single girl who loves the company of male friends, I still don't know the answer to this one.
Is it possible for a single straight woman and a single straight man to be just friends? (No benefits, no sexual tension, no more-than-a-friend feelings)
Is it possible for a single straight woman and a single straight man to be just friends? (No benefits, no sexual tension, no more-than-a-friend feelings)
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Nancy Reagan was on to something
We here at WWBD? are committed by putting an end to fuckwittage. Impossible, you say. While I admit that it is an uphill battle, I don't believe it to be impossible. How can we achieve this impossible dream? By saying no to fuckwittage every time it rears it's ugly head.
Of course, this will only work if women everywhere band together and Just Say No. Let me paint for you a picture of fuckwittage being allowed to happen. The scene: New Year's Eve, a Brooklyn bar, which just happens to have bocchi ball lanes, allowing for hours of fun. Sadly, the bocchi lanes have been dominated for quite some time by two complete and utter Fuckwitts. (and yes, that capital F was intentional.) Now I like to trash talk as much as the next guy, but these two jerkwads took it to another level. They made up their own rules, got nearly physical with anyone who dared question these imaginary rules, and even taunted two girls who dared walk on their bocchi lane (during a break in the action, mind you) that they "weren't pretty enough" to be invading their space.
So naturally, their best chance of scoring would be if they woke up next to each other, with a wicked hangover, shouting things like WTF JUST HAPPENED?!, right? Wrong. Sadly, wanker #1 was last seen around midnight, making out with a girl who clearly needs some therapy to work on her self-esteem issues, while douchebag #2 somehow managed to find a girl willing to flirt (badly) with him. I have no doubt he went home with her.
This is a problem. These two pricks are going to keep acting this way until someone holds them accountable. And since men of this age (or really any age) only think about the next time they will have sex, how they will have sex, and whom they will be having sex with, the best way to get them to stop behaving this way is to NOT HAVE SEX WITH THEM.
Sounds so simple, right? We, as women (or gay men) are also accountable. It's more than a bit hypocritical to whine about how there are no good men out there, and then go home with the next breathing male of our species. I don't care how hot they are (and these two twats would have been, had my vision not been clouded by their bad behavior), how desperate you are, or even if your ex is watching. JUST SAY NO.
Of course, this will only work if women everywhere band together and Just Say No. Let me paint for you a picture of fuckwittage being allowed to happen. The scene: New Year's Eve, a Brooklyn bar, which just happens to have bocchi ball lanes, allowing for hours of fun. Sadly, the bocchi lanes have been dominated for quite some time by two complete and utter Fuckwitts. (and yes, that capital F was intentional.) Now I like to trash talk as much as the next guy, but these two jerkwads took it to another level. They made up their own rules, got nearly physical with anyone who dared question these imaginary rules, and even taunted two girls who dared walk on their bocchi lane (during a break in the action, mind you) that they "weren't pretty enough" to be invading their space.
So naturally, their best chance of scoring would be if they woke up next to each other, with a wicked hangover, shouting things like WTF JUST HAPPENED?!, right? Wrong. Sadly, wanker #1 was last seen around midnight, making out with a girl who clearly needs some therapy to work on her self-esteem issues, while douchebag #2 somehow managed to find a girl willing to flirt (badly) with him. I have no doubt he went home with her.
This is a problem. These two pricks are going to keep acting this way until someone holds them accountable. And since men of this age (or really any age) only think about the next time they will have sex, how they will have sex, and whom they will be having sex with, the best way to get them to stop behaving this way is to NOT HAVE SEX WITH THEM.
Sounds so simple, right? We, as women (or gay men) are also accountable. It's more than a bit hypocritical to whine about how there are no good men out there, and then go home with the next breathing male of our species. I don't care how hot they are (and these two twats would have been, had my vision not been clouded by their bad behavior), how desperate you are, or even if your ex is watching. JUST SAY NO.
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