Brats!

Listen.... hear that?.... no? Hmmm, that's strange.

That sound used to be the sound of my ticking biological clock. It seemed to be ticking louder each day, but recently, it's slowed...way....down. I wonder why... oh, right. It's because I spend 26 hours a week baby-sitting the anti-christ and his sister.

Since January, I've been back on the nanny train, saving every last penny given to me by parents who don't want to raise their own children and putting it towards grad school. While my savings account is growing quite steadily, I am now worried about two things:

1. That dealing with these children will scare me away from ever having children of my own.

2. That I will develop a drinking problem.

What, you think I'm overreacting? Let's take a look back at the last 3 months, shall we? The 8-year-old, let's call him "Adam" is, I'm pretty certain, the Spawn of Satan. He is, what they say, an "explosive" child. The first week I worked with him, he completely lost his shit because I didn't cut his kiwi the way he wanted it to be cut. I mean, he really lost it. Screaming, crying, jumping up and down. In the time I've worked with him, he has threatened to do the following to me (in no particular order): throw a rock at me, punch me in the eye, poke my eye with a knife, and shoot a rubber dart in my eye. I think I should start wearing protective goggles. He has also told me to shut up, calls me "missy," tells me that cleaning up is not his job, it's my job, and that he doesn't have to listen to me. Doesn't he sound like a little angel?

He hasn't hit me, but he does hit his sister with alarming frequency. Then he refuses to apologize because as he says, "I'm not sorry." See? Anti-christ.

And here's the kicker: They tell me he's gotten so much better than he used to be. How is that possible? Apparently, not only did he used to hit his sister more often than he does now, but also his nanny.

The thing is, this kid runs the house. His parents don't want to deal with his tantrums, so basically whatever he says goes. He refuses to pick up his toys? Mom and dad will eventually just do it. Yeah, this is an 8-year-old who still sucks his thumb. Constantly.

My weekday alcohol intake has definitely increased. I even suggested to Grayer that I stock up on the little airplane wine bottles, so I can have a little glass while I'm working. She suggested that could lead to a dependency. I know my kids are going to be awesome because I will not pay anyone to raise them for me. However, I am most definitely extra careful about taking my birth control every day. You can never be too careful.