Breakin' up is hard enough

I read/heard/made up the fact that January is the most common month for breakups. If you think about it, it makes sense. People wait until after the holidays but well before Febuary 14th. It's also the time of year that one starts thinking about their life and the changes they need to make. In honor of the suckiness that is January, I've compiled the best ways to break it off. And by best, I do mean worst.

• The Voicemail. Ballsy enough to call, douchey enough to leave it in a message. Pro: Can pretend you never got it "Ugh, I swear this stupid phone eats my voicemails!" Con: You can replay, forward, and store it for 30 days while you wallow in a tub of ice cream.
• The Post-it note, a la Berger to Carrie Bradshaw. Pro: Short, sweet, and stickie. You can put it anywhere! Con: It's a fucking post-it note.
• The Facebook message. Facebook: the true homewrecker. Pro: Immature actions validate immature reactions.  Respond by writing on his wall: "By the way, your micropenis and mediocrity were NOT worth the herpes. Thanks a lot asshole." Even when he deletes it, rest assured at least 1-100 people saw it. Con: It's a fucking Facebook message that you'll be reminded of every time you get on Facebook.
• The text. For those with the maturity of a 13-year-old. Pro: Can have a real time conversation about it (via text), assuming he doesn't purposely send it during a time when he knows you can't answer, which let's face it, he will.  Con: You have to have a conversation via text (Not all of us have fancy phones/know how to use T9 Word/have normal size thumbs, ok?).  You can save it in your phone forever.
  
• The Disappearance. If you haven't heard from your boyfriend for a week (and he's not in the military/CIA), it's over. Pro: You never have to see his face again. Con: You'll never have closure. Ever.  Partly because you're worried he might be dead. 
  
• The Key Return. You come home to find the spare key you gave him on your coffee table and his toothbrush is missing. Pro: You don't have to worry about changing your locks. Con: No closure. It will leave you in a WTF? daze for days.
• The Bed and Break-up.  Because what better time to tell a girl how you really don't like her than when she's naked and sweaty?  Pro:  He actually told you to your face.  What a grown-up.  Con: You're naked.  No one deserves to be dumped naked.   
  

Things are looking up

Yeah, I'd say we all hate January. It just NEVER ENDS. Every time I think it's over, I realize there is still ANOTHER week left in this god-forsaken month. As Grayer pointed out, February doesn't get much better, but I am here to tell you that it does. February is not nearly as bad as it seems. Take into consideration:

• It's the shortest month of the year. I mean, it's only a measly 28 days long (this year anyway). That's a full 3 days shorter than January. It may not seem significant, but it is. March will be here before you know it!
• The Superbowl. I know this doesn't apply to Fen, but the first Sunday of the month is the Holiest of all Sundays. And in every city except Green Bay (who lives there?!) and Pittsburgh, people will be more interested in socializing than in watching the game. Sports bars will be packed with disappointed Patriots/Falcons/Ravens/Bears fans just looking for a sympathetic ear. You can be that sympathetic ear.
• S.A.D. The Official Holiday of WWBD?, of course! (Don't think for a second that because two of us are "off the market" that we have gone the route of Smug Marrieds for this one!) Again, bars will be packed with people who are single and ready to mingle. Take advantage.
• Spring Training. Ok, this one doesn't necessarily apply to our less sports-inclined readers, but pitchers and catchers report Feb. 13! WAHOOO!
• The Oscars. The stars, the fashions! You can even host an Oscar party! (Formal attire required) In the meantime, you can get yourself caught up on all the Oscar nominated films. I highly recommend The King's Speech. It is simply fantastic. AND it's Colin Firth! Oh, Mr. Darcy. However, I still can't figure out Black Swan. Please explain it to me if you can.

See? The days are getting longer, and it's March already! Ah, spring...

January Blues

I very much dislike January.

It's cold. It's wet. It gets dark at around 4pm and it is the month of blah. It is also the month when all the Christmas and festive cheer disappears as quickly as it appeared and my credit card bill suddenly appears to be HUGE. Ugh.

So I have decided that I am officially suffering from the January Blues. It's a scientifically proved illness. Fact. On Tuesday I was having a Bad Day. Then it turned out that Vi was also having a Bad Day. So was Vi's roommate. Therefore, January 18th is now officially: The Bad Day. Fact.

That really is the whole point of this post. I was going to write all about bridesmaid dress shopping but I was feeling blah and couldn't be bothered. Because it's January.