The return of Fuckwittage

(Disclaimer: Not going to lie, I basically drank a bottle of wine as my dinner tonight, for good reason. However, if the dropping of F-bombs as if it were World War III, offends you, you needn't read this post).

Mother. Fucker.

It's my word of the day.  Go on, say it aloud.  It will make you feel better.  It's really the only thing you can say when dealing with first class fuckwittage.   I had a Facebook message from Jonny Damon this morning.  He never sends me messages.  Mother. Fucker.  Jonny Damon was breaking up with me via a Fucking Facebook message.  Mother. Fucker. 

We'd only been dating for a month and a half, maybe it wasn't that bad of a protocol to end it that way.  But wait, let me explain.  An hour after I left his house, he sent me a fucking facebook message to end things with me. Two hours after he made me breakfast and kissed me goodbye, he sent me a fucking facebook message to end things with me.  Three hours after we woke up and laid in bed talking, 12 hours after we had sex, 14 hours after we snuggled on the couch watching a Christmas movie, he fucking sent me a fucking facebook message to end things with me.  What. the. fuck.

You know the great thing about being dumped via Fucking Facebook? You get to reread the message several times, have all those feelings over again, and then copy and paste into a blog meant to bash the fuckwit.  The subject line is "Hi" because really, what else could it be?  

Grayer,

I know this is not the best way to handle this situation, but  I've had a lot of fun with you and think you are an amazing person, but I don't want to hurt you if things get more serious; which I feel is starting to happen.  I just don't think that it is the best thing for me right now. I hate having to do this, but I've been in situations where I would have rather somebody told me earlier than to keep something going that wasn't meant to be. No matter what I write I know you will hate this and probably hate me, and I am sorry, but I just don't think I can do this right now. I'll miss you Grayer and I hope you have a great Christmas with your family.

Jonny Damon

See?  Isn't he an asshole?  Ok, maybe he doesn't exactly sound like an asshole out of context but please remember that I had just been with him an hour earlier, and he said nothing.  Everything was fine and fucking dandy.  So that's why the first and foremost feeling I was having was fucking rage.  And really just wanted to send this back.

Subject:  Hi? Asshole.

Jonny Damon,

Fuck you.  You MotherFucker.  Why couldn't you grow a pair and tell this to my face? I was just with you. Think of all the moments that you could have brought this up.  You had no problem being around me.  You had no problem sleeping with me.  You're a dick.  You're starting to feel like this is getting serious?  I see you once a week!  You're the one that invited me to a fucking wedding and introduced me to friends! And don't say you just can't do this right now, because you knew exactly what you were doing.  And, you had to do this on the one time that I ever left something at your house.  I want my fucking dvd back.  If your plan was to make me so mad that I wouldn't be sad, congratulations, you did it.  May you be cursed with bad karma and perpetual diarrhea.

Grayer

No, I didn't send this.  I just sat staring.  Tried to do work, just kept staring.  I eventually texted him.  It was cool, it was casual, it was "Seriously? You couldn't have told me that this morning?"  Ok, it may have also eluded to his lack of balls.  We had a brief conversation in which he apologized profusely, said he was awful at confrontation, felt bad for me driving to his place, yada fucking yada.  After I stopped being so pissed about it (ok, I'm still kind of/really pissed about it),  I just kind of had to laugh.  Who the fuck gets dumped via a fucking facebook message.  The subject was 'Hi' for fuck's sake.   I was just starting my day at work and I get dumped.  Via Fucking Facebook.  At least he didn't post it on my wall...

Once I chilled out a bit I sent him a final message:  "I don't disagree with what you said.  I disagree with how you said it.  Don't be that guy.  You could have told me."  I was very proud of myself for being so eloquent.  I didn't ask him why, I didn't try to change his mind.  He did the right thing, I just didn't like the way he did it.  When it comes down to it, once I stopped being so pissed, I'm really just sad.  I liked him.  I liked him a lot, and clearly he did not feel the same way.  And that sucks.  He sucks.  Dating fucking sucks.  Mother. Fucker.