Let's be rational

So now that I'm no longer in a (slightly) drunken rage, it would be a good time to re-evaluate the Fuckwittage of Jonny Damon.  It's been a week, and fear not friends, I'm ok.  Sure I still think about it, and yeah I still get kinda bummed at times, and no, I haven't really eaten much at all this week, and yeah I have gotten drunk a few times,  but I am OK.  For real.  I've already made some crucial steps that tell me I may not be over it, but I am over him (or at least I'm well on my way).    

• Unfriended on Facebook. After I deleted his fuckwitting Facebook message, I unfriended him.  Not because I hate him, but I don't want him showing up on my newsfeed every other day.  I particularly don't want to see that he's "In a relationship" next week and although that would seem fast,  if there's something we've learned from fuckwitts it's to never underestimate their inherent fuckwitting ability (yes, you can quote me on that).
• Figured out what actually happened.  In his final message he made a lot of "I" statements ('I just can't do this right now') but what he was really saying was "I'm just not that into you".  It had nothing to do with timing or whatever the hell else he blamed it on.  He's just not that into me, plain and simple.  And the thing is, that's ok.  I know I'm not the average girl, I'm not everyone's cup of tea, I get it and I'm ok with it.  
• Having the fantasy.  No, not that he'll suddenly change his mind and declare his love.   The other fantasy that every girl has.  Running into the man that wronged her several months later.  I, of course, will look glamorous, skinnier, prettier, and happier than ever, with a taller, darker, handsomer (not to mention better endowed and fuller hair) man by my side.  He will look like he lost a little weight (due to the perpetual diarrhea I cursed him with) but his hairline will have receded and there's sadness in his eyes as we have a polite conversation in which he regrets ever saying goodbye.  (In reality, in the slim chance I ever would run into him I would, of course, be wearing sweats, with crazy unwashed hair, eating a doughnut all alone.  Life never happens the way I want it to).     
• Giving the silent treatment.  I've been drunk a few times this week (for good reasons, I swear) and I haven't drunk texted/called him once! Hoorah!  I did hear from him the other day, "Hey Grayer, I know you probably don't want to hear from me but can I have your address, so I can send you your movie."  Well yeah, you better send me my movie and shut the hell up, I'll decide if I want to hear from you or not.  Ass.  I told him to stop being so dramatic (and also stop assuming I'm sulking/hating).  As for that dvd, I'll believe it when I see it. 
• The realization.  I've realized why I'm disappointed.   It's not him.  He's just made me realize in this whole crazy ordeal that I might actually want an actual boyfriend.  There I said it.  I didn't get on OkCupid to find a boyfriend, I got on OkCupid to date (and to save this blog).  But maybe I don't want to just date, maybe I just don't want to be alone anymore.  That's a big revelation.  Although I would have gladly called that kid my boyfriend (he's still really, really cute) I'm glad it didn't come to that, it could have taken me months to figure out that he was a fuckwit.  And he is, by all means, a fuckwit.