A Friday Night Epiphany

I had an epiphany on Friday night. It was a somewhat vodka fuelled epiphany but an epiphany nonetheless.

On Friday night I went for after work drinks with PWG. Even though we had the whole WTF? Friday night, we're still friends and you have drinks with your friends. Except the problem with me and PWG is that we're not really 'just friends'. Nor are we seeing each other. We're in a weird limbo where there's always some sort of tension bubbling beneath the surface but we don't act on it. This is not healthy. I decided to head home and asked him to walk me to the tube station. I've learnt my lesson with him, I have to ask to be walked to the station.

When I was on the tube I found myself to be crying for a reason I couldn't work out but knew it was in some way related to him. But the vodka can take a little bit of the blame. And then, my epiphany.

Posh Work Guy messes with my head. Badly.

He makes me feel slightly inferior because our social lives are on opposite ends of the social spectrum. He gives me mixed signals which are very difficult to decipher. And he used to (if not still does) liked my friend Emily at work. Which I knew and still got involved with him. Then there was his behaviour that WTF? night. And he doesn't do wonders for my self confidence. Once again, not healthy. At all.

So I text him saying that I can't do the whole friends thing anymore. That he messes with my head and this whole thing isn't great for my self confidence and we shouldn't have taken things as far as we did. I wasn't terribly articulate (blame = vodka) but I got my point across. He replied that we should be friends, he's just in a really complicated situation, blah, blah, blah. I remained firm.

I feel somewhat cleansed now. And apologies to Violet who has been telling me for awhile now to stay away from him. But you know how it is, until you realise something for yourself you're not going to believe what someone else tells you. It sucks, majorly, that I have to work with him. But he is looking for another job so fingers crossed he finds one soon. And might I just plead with you all not to get involved with someone you work with. It's not a good idea when it all goes wrong. Plus, you have that embarrassment of being in a departmental meeting and there's someone in that same meeting who has seen you naked.

It makes it very difficult to concentrate.