Yet another wedding story

Big news this week.  My best friend in the whole wide world got engaged!  Yay, Greenley!  I'm so excited/happy/not even the teeniest bit jealous.  Her man is awesome and I approve completely.  But back to my other engaged best friend, 9-year-Lisa and her loser fiancee.  I saw her over the weekend for yet another wedding dress fitting for her August wedding. NOTE: If your friend ever offers to make your wedding dress, say NO! What it will save you in money you will lose in parts of your soul.  And when this homemade dress makes you look like a oompa loompa, you will spend more money rush ordering a real one.  Never ever ever let a friend make your wedding dress (unless you are legitimately friends with Vera Wang, in which case...hook me up).  Also, listen to your brilliant and very pretty bridesmaid, who told you this was an awful idea to begin with.  She (and by she, I mean me) loses parts of her soul every time you call her worrying about your stupid dress when you should have just listened to her in the first place because she knows everything about everything, and she's so pretty.  But I digress.

I told Lisa about Greenley's engagement and said "I feel like everyone I know is engaged."  Two close friends, a co-worker friend, and a couple old colleagues from school have all gotten engaged in the past 5 months, so yes, that's everyone.  Or close enough.  It was just a casual statement, a somewhat overly dramatic casual statement.   It did not merit this completely serious response:

"Ya know, Grayer...my cousin...she's not anywhere near getting engaged...she's not even in a relationship...and she's 27...she's older than you."

"Ummm...What's that have to do with anything? I don't know her."

"Just...don't feel bad that you're not engaged."

Hold the phone!?! Was me stating I knew many engaged couples code for secretly crying about not being engaged with everyone else?! I mean, I'm not even in a relationship!? And I'm 26! I'm going to die aloooone!

Yeah, that's not at all what I was thinking when I said that.  But it's good to know that Lisa's thinking it for me.  What a great pretentiously smug married friend she is.  I know she feels bad for me for not being "anywhere near engaged," but I honestly feel bad for her.  I mean, look at her.  She stayed with a complete schmuck for 9 years just so she could get married in an unflattering homemade dress.  I'm sorry, I have a lot of priorities in my life, and being someone's wife is not one of them.